I can’t afford some old friendships now

[flutterby1]

I have noticed that I had some great friends when I lived in London, I had a better job and couid afford to an extent to socialise. My life has moved on I got divorced so became a single parent and I think I avoid these people now because they still have excellent jobs, no kids and live a hedonistic lifestyle that I can’t afford. I got a message from one a few days ago to meet up soon but I know it will involve an expensive meal and drinks etc…I don’t really want to do that. How do people manage these situations? It’s a shame friendships are sometimes down to affordability and people in your own socioeconomic group.

Can you suggest something different? ‘I’d love to catch up - do you fancy going to [museum/country walk/whatever]’

or just be upfront and say you’d love to catch up but short on funds so how about skipping a meal out and doing xxx instead.

If they are good friends they want to see YOU - not do a specific thing. But it might not have occurred to them about the budget implications if that is how they tend to do socialising

Be blunt: hi X, struggling a bit with money post divorce and can’t extend to Y; would love to meet up though. Could we do a coffee / walk / park run / takeaway at my house instead? If they are actual friends they will adapt around you. If they are just drinking / gig buddies then they won’t. You need to find a social life you can afford. If you don’t come out and say £££ is an issue they might not know/get it (no-one is a mind reader). I have long term friends whose financial situations change around us and we adapt what we do. That’s what true friends do. Those that don’t are friends you need to let go of.

You just have to be truthful and say your circumstances have changed and you can no longer afford expensive meals out, but would love a get together somewhere less expensive, if they are good friends they should understand.

Be honest, don’t ditch the friendship just because of money!!!

I’m in the same boat - I love meeting up with my old friends but my heart sinks when they suggest lovely restaurants, West End shows, spa breaks etc etc. Way too expensive for me now.

I don’t think friendships have to boil down to socioeconomics. If your friends value your company then they’ll be just as happy meeting for a coffee as they would be going out to a fancy restaurant.

I have friends at both ends of the economic spectrum and it’s not really an issue, we meet up and do whatever is affordable for everyone. Ironically my wealthiest friend prefers doing things as cheaply as possible and will search out special offers for meals, discounted tickets for shows etc. She hates paying full price for anything (which explains why she has so much money!)

Love to meet up - and suggest a coffee shop or say “for a pint in xxx pub” - take the lead

I had this situation just today- I asked my friend if she fancied a train into London, shopping, lunch , cocktails etc. She came back and said she couldn’t stretch to it but would love to see me so we have settled on fish and chips, couple of bottles of supermarket Prosecco and a movie round at mine. I’d have preferred to go to London but I love our friendship and I’ll take a night in with her over not getting to see her at all .

Suggest a coffee date. Say your life has changed now and life is expensive. Don't assume their not struggling OP.

Would love to meet up. How about a proper home cooked, healthy meal round mine one night?

Meet for coffee in the week.

Suggest museums or art galleries or preemptively say you really want to try X restaurant (pick some viral one where the mains are a tenner) or somewhere thats an "old fave" thats reasonably priced.

When I was out of work earlier this year whenever people asked to meet up I just invited them to mine for dinner instead. Said I’d cook.

Nobody declined and I didn’t have to spend money on transport or expensive meals.

They’re not real friendships if you have to spend money to be with them and if you can’t be honest by saying “Moneys a little tight at the moment could we catch up at the park/my house etc.”