Worried and stressed

[Heartstar]

I don't know what I want from this post a virtual hug or some words of wisdom or hearing from someone in a similar situation but I just need to get it off my chest.

My now ex husband walked out on us in 2020. The house had to be sold and I got some capital, but was not in a position to buy and I tried to look into shared ownership but due to links to ex husband who completely destroyed his own credit rating I was refused time and time again. So I had no choice but to private rent, which I have been doing since 2022 now after the house sold.

due to the capital, I'm not entitled to any benefits, and my capital has just been dropping with every rent payment (£1600pcm) for a 3 bedroom house. I have 2 children now in secondary school girl and boy so I need 3 bedrooms. I work full time but I would have pennies left after paying rent and utilities. I am not frivolous with my spending at all I can't remember the last time I treated myself to anything nice.
I am paying rent using capital for now but that will end in around a year. It breaks my heart that I worked so hard to get the house we did have to lose it and be in this position. Literally paying someone else's mortgage.

I literally do not know where to turn I feel like life is going to get really really tough over the next few years and I'm finding it all quite triggering at the moment. I've had calm over the past 3 years once the divorce was finalised and it's given me time to heal, having to think and about the future again now is really making me panic and is bringing back really awful memories of my time with my ex husband.

has anyone been in a similar scenario? How did it pan out for you? I just want a crystal ball.

I feel like I've totally failed my children.

Hi OP,
Really sorry your going through this.
I haven't been through this so can't comment but just wanted to send a virtual hug and tell you to hang in there.
Life seems really shitty at times, one things for sure tho and that's that you absolutely haven't failed your children at all.
Your doing your very best and you need to be proud of that! Keep going. Hopefully something will work out x

I don't suppose you can acquire a better paid job at all?
Can the children get small part time jobs at all? Guess they are not quite old enough?
Can you take your ex to the CMS?
I presume your family cannot help in any shape or form?
I can recommend Utility Warehouse for dual gas and electric if that is of any help to you.
No doubt you already go to pound shops and buy weekly food in the cheapest supermarkets. I go to Home Bargains weekly before Asda and it really helps.
It is very expensive navigating single parent with no family support and a non paying ex. I feel for you.

I can't help you on the finances but what i can say is that you have NOT failed your children. Quite the reverse in fact ... you have been the one there for them and looking after them when their father did not. You can't control him, and what he did isn't your fault. You have done what you can to look after your children, and that is not a failure.

It takes a bloody long time and I mean well into their mid 20s before they start facing life’s problems and then they have a think about how they would deal with it and realise what an absolute piece of shit to the other parent is
Very much the long game, but you will get there in the end
The only thing I can suggest is as soon as you are able to you need to focus on getting a better job
That was what saved me we had a year that could only be described as pure hell
But it sorted my credit rating out and it allowed me to buy a house and things have gone much much better ever since.

You haven't failed your children you have provided a roof over their heads.
They have love and security.
We were in similar situation as children and we have all thrived.
My mother rented she didn't think she was paying someone's mortgage but paying to put a roof over our heads.
We had a great landlord who was very good to us.

I think you can apply for your association with ex husband to be delinked on your credit reports if you're now not financially intertwined. This could really help your credit score if it was his credit score dragging yours down

depends how much money you have in capital? If it’s a case of you spending all your savings/capital on rent until it’s gone to quality for UC then spend the money on things you need, a holiday, car etc?

I was facing a similar situation but thankfully my parents bailed me out.

Hey, firstly you are not failing your kids. You sound an amazing mum, please don't ever doubt yourself. I've gone through a difficult situ myself. Ended up leaving an expensive major city to the coast. Bought a little house. It came with a lot of compromises and not work for everyone. A couple of thoughts. Would you consider downsizing a bedroom & making the living room your bedroom? Is there a cheaper location not too far away where you could relocate to? The property markets of where I used to live was very different to where am here. Admittedly it's a retirement town. But the cost of rent / buying is much cheaper. A full priced terrace is the same cost as a deposit for a flat in the city. i agree if you can, get ex h off being linked to your credit file.

The rent is of course the killer. Is that the cheapest you can get for a three bed house in your area? Are you on waiting lists for social housing?