How much keep do yoy charge your adult DC?

[Moonlightfrog]

Dd is moving back home after uni. I am a single parent and full time carer for dd's younger sibling so money is tight. Of course I would love not to charge dd any keep for living at home but I cant afford to keep her (pay for her food, electric, the higher council tax now im not classed as a single occupant, wifi...etc...etc.. ).

What is a reasonable amount for her to contribute?

What do your adult dc's pay?

That’s exactly it. Today I had to buy dd new clothes as she won’t admit that her clothes no longer fit and that she’s put on weight, she also hates throwing clothes away even if it’s worn out (shoes are even worse) so there’s no way she will go and buy her own clothes. She also doesn’t spend much….she managed to save most of her last student loan. She does have a few hyperfixations she spends money on but due to lack of space I have to tell her not to buy anything.

Ha! I feel your pain. I had to superglue his trainers because he only likes one specific particular pair, they've been discontinued so I sourced them from America and bought three pairs. They're not fancy, just he's fixed on this one type. All he spends his money on is mouse mats which I swear are identical but apparently not 😂 I'm making a notebook of how to source each specific thing he likes and I do stockpile. It's ridiculous really but I do it without thinking now.

Yes 🤣 we have had to tape up her favourite boots after they sprung a leek. We often have to buy multiples of things when she decides she likes them, this week it’s M&S sports bras….apparently no other bra is comfortable.

£400 a month, includes all bills including basic food, but he does often buy his own. Has to pay for his own car stuff and phone. Only on minimum wage so it’s tight for him, but such is life.

We don't charge them anything.
I didn't stop being their Mum when they got to 18 and we can afford it, so they lived here rent free, food provided and beer provided.
Some have move out (28yr old and 25yr old, own their own homes now) .
24 yr old has just moved back home from rented accom and he's saving hard for a deposit.
They all come here often for roast dinners and cooked breakfasts, with various partners and friends.
I grew up in poverty, it was hard, DH and I want to treat our kids as much as we can.

We don't charge them anything.
I didn't stop being their Mum when they got to 18 and we can afford it, so they lived here rent free, food provided and beer provided.

Good for you. OP cannot afford it though so your post is pointless or was it to make OP feel bad?

Nothing , not a penny .

i don’t get some of the answers on here why would you want to profit from your kids

work out what it cost and charge her that
some bills don’t increase I’m on water rates ,tv lic , insurance,WiFi mortgage,rent
Council tax does gas and electric will go up marginally you’ll still have the lounge light on if there 4 of you or one of you in there
food is a definite increase

tbh £100 does seem grabby you will cover your cost and make a profit

I’d charge 1/3 of whatever money she has coming in.

I’m quite shocked at how much some people are taking off their adult children to live at home!

ds is desperate to buy his own flat so we have agreed on £100 a month to cover electricity as he works online from home 50% of the month, his enables him to save the majority of his wages and he now has a substantial deposit for a flat . He has saved this within 2 years.

same will happen with dd once she has graduated and got a full time job, , to enable her to save for a deposit.

Ds paid £100 a week but also paid his for his own meat, that’s because he’s the only meat eater in the house and cooks separately a very meat based diet both for lunch and dinner, I was happy for him to make a sandwich for lunch but he didn’t want that and eats steaks or chops for lunch and dinner so he funded that. He was working ft though.

Because some of us can’t afford not to take more?
I am a single parent, I a, a carer for her younger sister who is more severely disabled than dd1. As of next month I have £300 a month left after paying my rent, that has to cover all bills and food.

I drive dd1 around, she doesn’t buy her own food, she uses the gas, electric and water. I can’t afford to keep her unless she pays keep. If she moved out it would cost her a lot more than £100 per week to rent, pay bills, buy her own food and pay for transport?

Of course if I could afford too I would take nothing from her, but I can’t.

£20 a week to drive her around/to work and appointments
£40 for food (she doesn’t eat what we eat)
£10 a week to keep her pets (food/electricity)
£10 electric (she’s home a lot more than me so electric is costing more)
£5 a week phone (I still pay her mobile phone)
£10 a week eating out….sometimes more

I still buy her clothes because she refuses to buy them.
I pay for days out (recently spent £100 on tickets for something she wanted to go too).

council tax has gone up now I’m not classed as single adult occupancy.

I do her washing, I cook for her, she does no house work….due to her disabilities.

@Moonlightfrog What’s your plans for the future if and when your dd moves out?

i have a colleague who charges each adult child (she has 3) £300 a month and she says that if they move out she won’t be able to afford to live there. She tells her children this too as if to blackmail them to stay or she will be homeless.

I used to charge my adult DC £250 pcm too. He was saving for a deposit and did more than his fair share of chores which he gladly did to pay less.

I won’t be able to afford to live her alone, the same as most single people won’t be able to afford a 3 bed house (rent). My younger dd won’t ever live independently, my eldest will only move out if she has someone else to live with (a partner) as she doesn’t feel she can live independently due to her disabilities, though I won’t ever make her feel guilty for moving out. I currently can’t work full time as I care for dd2 (19, severely autistic), at the moment I feel I’m providing care for dd1 too. We are struggling to make ends meet at the moment. The only way I will be able to stay her is for dd2 to go into residential care so I can work full time.

I would never make my dc feel guilty for moving out, I want nothing more than for them to be independent……and for me to have my life back.

Most of the people that have replied to my OP are telling me what their young (non disabled) dc are paying, most have both parents living together, most are probably own their own home…..sadly that isn’t my situation.

@Moonlightfrog wheni lived at home my mum was a single parent and we (db and I) paid £20 a week and that was back in the late 90s.

dh and I are just lucky that our mortgage is tiny and are able to not charge our young adults very much.

The trouble is that when the benefits and disability payments are in the young person's name it looks like the carer is poncing off them, but they're not.

The financial breakdown is probably about like this (excluding all housing costs)

Young person - uc with lcwra and pip £1350

Carer - uc and carer's allowance £700

Something like that and no or very little earned income.

From that combined pot comes utilities, transport, food, clothing, entertainment, pets, insurances for both members of the household.

We all know that it would be exceptionally difficult to run a house on £700pm, nothing but porridge and lentils and food banks.

So, how much 'pocket money' or unassigned money does the young person get to keep when 100% of the carer's money is going in the pot?

I'd be willing to bet the young person is more expensive to feed than the carer and perhaps has allergies and needs a particular soap, shampoo, laundry detergent.

If the young, disabled, person moves out obviously they take their benefits with them and the carer is free to work and have a lodger. If they're not at the knackers yard being boiled down for glue.

£50 a month but I’ve moved home so I can save for a deposit on a mortgage.

What percentage of the council tax bill are you paying? Are you disregarded as a carer?

If DD2 is exempt because she is in full-time education &/or has severe mental impairment, you should be paying 50% council tax without DD1 living at home or 75% with DD1 living at home because you should be disregarded as a carer. Assuming there isn’t anyone else living at your home who is eligible to pay council tax.

So with DD1 at home you are disregarded as a carer, DD2 is exempt because she is in full-time education &/or has severe mental impairment, so that leaves only DD1 eligible to pay council tax, and therefore there will be a single person discount.

Also, have you checked if you are eligible for a band reduction if you don’t already get one?