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Original poster

Just realised we’re struggling

30 replies

Theroadnottravelled · 11/06/2025 22:21

I used to have a well paid FT job in the city, was the higher earner for my family (2 DC) and we had enough to live, do things and save (although v high mortgage and still one in nursery so high costs) I had a mental breakdown with exhaustion earlier this year and had to stop working/commuting. My DH stepped up and I got a new part time basic local job paying a small amount but finances are tight despite cutting back on everything. I’ve just asked for supermarket vouchers from my in-laws for my birthday to contribute to a food shop. I’m constantly anxious about money. Feel very sad it’s come to this. Everything is so costly now, and no room for luxuries. I’m educated, had a career but have nothing to show for it.

OP posts:
Momtotwokids · 13/06/2025 03:12

Theroadnottravelled · 12/06/2025 05:38

Wow. Thank you so much for the mostly supportive messages. I’ve read every one. I do acknowledge that I’m lucky in some ways. I just found the change of circumstances hard to take. My DH has been great but has found the change hard too. I don’t want my kids to miss out. I buy second hand clothes anyway, don’t spend much on myself. I will focus on what I can do and then reassess as I go.

But your kids aren't missing out. They have a mom that is there for them. Depending on their ages they can help with planning meals, things to do on the cheap, and just being a family.

Soal · 13/06/2025 05:12

MintChocCat · 11/06/2025 22:59

Threads like this upset me a little, OP. I don’t think you realise how lucky you are. You have a husband who’s been able to step up for you so that you can take on a part time role and leave your previous job. You have two children, and I’m assuming a house. Plus you’ve had a career. That’s so much on show.

Some people have never moved out from their parents home, never married, never found someone to have children with, may have always worked a menial job, may live in extreme poverty or insecure work. Some people or families even live in temporary accommodation or are fleeing domestic violence. Things can change and improve for you. Try not to focus on what you have lost, but on what you’ve already accomplished in life.

I am not sharing this with you to put you down, but to help you appreciate what you do have right now. Things can change as well. Perhaps consider some therapy or counselling to help you with your burnout and change perspective.

You have so much. I hope you realise that x

Edited

No. She's allowed emotions. Your post is just sticking the knife in. She had a breakdown ffs.

whynotmereally · 13/06/2025 06:06

I had a breakdown too op and had to give up my well paid job (that was causing a lot of the stress). I was a sahp for two years and then I got a part time fairly basic job. In those two years I had 6 months therapy, saw a hypnotherapist. I took up yoga and meditation. It took me over a year to stop feeling like the world was ending.

it sounds like you have achieved a lot since your breakdown. Can you look at your budget and see if you can shave anything off? Can childcare be reduced? Don’t feel guilty you are still supporting your family, I’m guessing as the part time worker more of the home/kids is falling to you? You are actually making your dh life easier by carrying more of the burden at home.

KeineBedeutung · 13/06/2025 06:09

MintChocCat · 11/06/2025 22:59

Threads like this upset me a little, OP. I don’t think you realise how lucky you are. You have a husband who’s been able to step up for you so that you can take on a part time role and leave your previous job. You have two children, and I’m assuming a house. Plus you’ve had a career. That’s so much on show.

Some people have never moved out from their parents home, never married, never found someone to have children with, may have always worked a menial job, may live in extreme poverty or insecure work. Some people or families even live in temporary accommodation or are fleeing domestic violence. Things can change and improve for you. Try not to focus on what you have lost, but on what you’ve already accomplished in life.

I am not sharing this with you to put you down, but to help you appreciate what you do have right now. Things can change as well. Perhaps consider some therapy or counselling to help you with your burnout and change perspective.

You have so much. I hope you realise that x

Edited

How is any of this helpful to OP though? It's a stealth put down.

HoppyFish · 13/06/2025 19:08

I don't think anybody can do a high-flying stressful job for too long without anaesthetising themselves with booze or whatever, or antidepressants... It took me many years to use my qualification to find a niche for myself providing a fairly stress-free service which pays ok, self-employed. In my field, see myself as right at the top, one of the best of say the worst 5%.

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