Advice? Moving back home with a primary age child

[plantsandcats]

Hi all, sorry for long post!
Just looking for some advice and a handhold really during a difficult period.
I am 27 and Currently renting a house I absolutely adore with DP, in a lovely area, the house is much bigger than we need as DP’s parents live abroad so we have a spare room for them when they visit and an extra office space for DP.
After a very tricky few months DP has announced he is leaving - I’ve been absolutely devastated
i also need to mention that just before Christmas I quit my well paying job to pursue a new career (which DP fully supported me doing at the time) money has been tighter and there’s currently no job security for me, but as I say, I thought I had his support until I got sorted with this
I’m now faced with the very expensive rent of a very big house I don’t need, no job security from one day to the next currently, and a DS in a primary school he really loves, alone
my mum lives in a different area, and has the space for us (a bedroom each) and is willing to welcome us with open arms (I appreciate I am soo lucky to have my mum and this option)
it would help financially, give me time to get back on my feet and not give up on this new career I’ve been working so hard on (if I stay where I am I will very quickly have to go back into a job I really didn’t enjoy) but I think my DS would be devastated to move schools. He’s been there for y1 & y2 (reception was again a different primary school which adds to the worry/guilt of moving him but it was a very different school he didn’t get on in at all and doesn’t really remember it anyway)
ex-DP now says if I did this I would be ruining DS’s life by moving him
I am so wrecked with guilt and worry I don’t know what to do
I also feel like it’d make me a huge failure to move back home with DS at my age :(
any advice? Thank you x

You wouldn't be ruining his life at all- he might be a little upset at first but summer is the best time to move. Reassure him that he can still come back and visit his old friends but I bet he'll be excited to live with grandma (I'd be really playing that angle up). You wouldn't be a failure moving home at all, so many people still live with their parents because of the CoL crisis, and it'll be good to have the support of your mum x

how far away is your mum? Will your son be able to still see his dad 50% of the time?

Your ex DP can fuck off, this is all totally his fault nobody else's. How the hell does he think you will manage to stay put financially.
Your DS will be fine. I moved school several times and always settled in and made new friends.
Do what's best for you. Your ex DP doesn't get to tell you what to do.

Unfortunately, legally he may be able to prevent the child moving from the area.

There are a number of posters on Mumsnet whose ex has done exactly that.

He can’t stop the OP moving but how many mothers would move without their child?

Any chance you could drive him to the old school while living at your mum’s?

dp has left. If you can’t afford the rent you can’t afford the rent. Presumably you’d need to move to a cheaper property even if you did stay close to the current house.

Your DD will be absolutely fine at a new school. It’s not ideal but it’s the best option all round.

Go back home. Have some support from your mum. Your son will adapt.
Your ex doesn't get to dictate to you where you live. (I will caveat that by saying I hope it's close enough that dad can still have contact as that is important too.)

Agree kids are surprisingly good at settling in new schools. You have to make your decision based on the overall picture not just your what if’s about your sons feelings.
Ultimately if you can’t afford to stay then you can’t afford to stay. If it involves moving a very long distance then things are more complicated with access etc

Can you ask if your old job is available? Explain that your husband encouraged you to resign and has now left you. It’s a long shot but always possible.

DS’s current school is too far from my mums to keep him there unfortunately as I don’t drive which makes it all more difficult
thank you for the responses it makes me feel a lot better about the situation! Struggling so much with the guilt, I keep thinking just suck it up and go back to old career and attempt to muddle through financially so he gets to stay here and not be moved :(
access to dad not an issue either way and unfortunately couldn’t go back to old company - would be a case of trying to find somewhere new very quickly!

Children are more resilient than we often give them credit for. Your DS is at an age when he will quickly adapt to- it’s not like he is in the middle of the GCSE exam phase. You need to recognise and acknowledge his concerns and worries with him but you will both be fine and what you are proposing will help you both get a more secure future.

Go to your mum's. Your son is young, he will adapt and enjoy living with your mum. Stay with your mum long enough to save a deposit to buy rather than rent again so you have that security.

Go to your mum. Accept the support you need at the moment.

Raise one eyebrow at Ex-DP if he repeats his bollocks and say crisply, 'Don't be more of a dickhead than you can help! You chose to leave, knowing it would leave me financially screwed and unable to afford to stay here. If anyone is 'ruining' life for DS then that would be you. Us moving is a direct consequence of your choices and actions, unfortunately'.

I had to do this with my 4 year old at a similar age to you. Honestly it was brilliant. DD loved living with grandparents and I managed to get a second evening job in the local pub and saved up enough money for a house deposit.

I would hazard a guess that the main reason your ex doesn't want you to move is that he thinks he may be able to crawl back if his "freedom" doesn't work out. Lose the house and move home - that makes it final, as he'd be unlikely to move in with your mum. DS will manage and you will benefit from the support.