Child maintenance

[Anonymous2356]

So I have fled due to domestic abuse, my daughters farther. He was arrested and obviously now wants no part in his daughters life (she’s 1) and also if he wanted to go to court to fight to see her there’s a mountain of evidence against him.
I was thinking I wouldn’t claim child maintenance from him because A) he said he’d kill me and B) later on he said he’d just claim disability and quit his job. I also think I don’t want her to grow up and maybe talk to him for him to tell her “well I’ve always paid for you”. Thoughts on this?

I think you need to ensure your safety first.

But think very carefully about claiming maintenance; it is your daughter's right.

I totally agree with KeepinOn. Your daughter is entitled to financial support but some men do retaliate when women put in a CMS claim. He sounds like the type to take his sob story to an MRA group like FathersForJustice and they will tell him to fight for contact because they know that will frighten and hurt you the most. And unless you have evidence of very severe abuse against your daughter (not you) he is very likely be awarded contact and have it built up over time if he's patient enough to play the long game.

You know him best and can judge how much effort he will put into trying to punish you.

It’s such a personal thing. I don’t claim as my ex only had to pay £7 a week. It’s not always worth it.

Just for more context my ex gets paid quite a lot so the child maintenance would be a bit.
also he has 4 other grown up (over 20 year old) children who he was made to pay for but did not fight for contact or bother with. He’s a narcissist and absolutely doesn’t care to see his children. I am safe and he doesn’t and won’t fine out where I live. I just feel like it’s a struggle for me on my own financially but overall I don’t want him to turn to her in years to come and say well I paid for you and make out like he did it voluntarily because he cares etc.
many thanks

While generally I do think parents should put in claims for their children as it's money the child is entitled to I also think safety should be paramount so honestly in this case I would leave it. I would actually rather struggle on my own than have anything to do with a violent narc who threatens to kill people.

But if safe to do so that £7 a week could be few hundred a year in an ISA for her

It won't matter what he says to her

You are the one bringing her up, he is legally responsible for child support

its £7 between 4 kids so definitely not worth it!!

Turn that 'well I always paid for you' statement around and imagine how the conversation would actually go in 18 years.

Him - well I always paid for you
Daughter - well yeah I'm your child
You - and it costs money to house, feed and clothe her and you didn't pay voluntarily you paid because the CMS made you.

In what way do you think you would come out of that conversation looking bad?

I personally think you should apply for it, as long as it doesn't jeopardise yours or your daughter's safety.

If he were to jack in his job to avoid paying then he'd be making his own life very difficult and you'd be in no worse a position then you are now, he'd have to be an idiot to give up a well paying job to go on benefits just to avoid paying for his child, but if he thinks being spiteful is worth subsisting on minimum benefits for the next 17 years then let him.

If I was to get child maintenance would it give him a bigger chance of getting contact?