Best ways to thrive (not survive) maternity

[Mumsworld112]

I have 2 young kids (under 1- twins)
I try to treat myself to small things like an occasional coffee or new clothes if I need them.
Motherhood is stressful, and with twins I hardly get time to myself. DH does help when he’s at home but I sometimes just feel lost and don’t want to resort to spending just to make myself feel better.

I have savings and I try to budget properly, I just want to ask what other mums do to thrive during maternity and not resort to buying things to make yourself feel better!

thanks

Plan your week with a mix of activities eg play groups, stay at home time, library etc, so you always have things you can do, to keep yourself from getting bored.

When thinking about treats, focus on ones that are the longest lasting eg a coffee is great, but once you've drink it, it's gone. A book, fancy hand cream, or nail varnish can be used multiple times.

i do online surveys and scan my receipts for rewards. it takes ages to get rewards, i look forward to them.

if you have a Waitrose you can get to, they do free coffees with a purchase. i'd get a bakery item and have a coffee for lunch. Asda and IKEA also have cheap coffees.

collect any shopping reward points you can and use them for treats, For example, the body shop give you a £5 voucher for your birthday, Boots recycling scheme give you £5 in points when you recycle 5 items and spend £10 (with twins, i guess that will be quite easy).

I can download books and magazines from my library for free on my tablet or phone,

Learn new skills - try new food recipes, learn to bake, knit or craft. things can be done from home and you get a great sense of satisfaction.

Get out the house.

Especially in the winter.

A regular round of groups and activities that you go to helps build friends and means you know what day it is.

Nothing worse (for me at least) than staring at the same four walls!

I think having good friends around is the only real way to thrive during maternity leave/ early years.

I'd nurture friendships where possible with those who have little ones a similar age.
The endless afternoons stuck inside with little ones wrecking the house is so much more enjoyable with a friend in a similar situation, who's a laugh and will have a glass of wine. And it could be friendships that last many, many years. It's been very special for me going through motherhood with some girls I met when our eldest were tiny and I value what we have.

Firstly, don't be too hard on yourself. First time motherhood is very hard, even if your child is 'easy', that mental shift from being just you to you + plus tiny person(s) that rely solely on you takes some time to get used to.

Secondly, are you splitting your resources with your DH fairly? Far too many women on here having a tough time trying to eek their small maternity pay out for 12 months while DH is living his life financially unaffected. Hopefully you have enough to both treat yourselves occasionally

I completely agree with pp that you should draw up a timetable of groups to go to and if they're not on arrange to go out with other mums. Getting out in the morning can be challenging but you'll feel better for it.

You could look at the OU for some free courses. They are all very short but you may be able to complete them over a few weekends/ evenings and feel like you've achieved something just for you

Friend of mine has a National Trust membership and goes for walks in the grounds of a few places several times a week with DC in a running buggy. So getting out and about while spending hardly anything.

I was a sahm to 4 so did this sort of thing for years!

I'd say make a list of all the playgroups in your area. I googled every church within a couple of miles from us to see what playgroups they have on and found something on most days that was cheap. We often saw the same faces at them and made friends that way. If you have a local library that's also great they often do things like baby bounce and rhyme, we made a whole morning out of that, a walk to the library for bounce and rhyme, choose some new books then a bakery lunch then home for nap!

Vinted is great for clothes as our charity shops.

I also found we saved money as I was passing by the shops with the dc in the buggy we could pop in for any reductions then stick in the freezer for a later date

I think you are me! my child is now at secondary school but I did all of these things!

I suspect that times are tougher now. I know the two children’s centre I used to go to have closed. I actually spent less on maternity than I thought as so much was available for free then.

The above suggestions are all excellent.
I realised that for me to thrive, I had to get some exercise (walking lots with the dc when they were babies was good enough),
Eat well and be mentally stimulated.
I used audio books and radio for mental
Stimulation and I also did a couple of online free courses.
Having friends and going out together with and without the dcs was also really important to me.