I'm so stingey with money!

[OneCleverSwan]

I'm so stingey with money and hate spending it. To the point its all I think of all day every day. Why is everything so expensive.

I like to hold onto my money and I have no idea when I got like this.. I think its since having my baby (9 months old) and moving out of my parents home, and realising how expensive real life is. I'm also a single mother.

Me and my baby never go without, we eat well, amd have everything we need. But every time I'm in a shop I can feel myself getting annoyed with having to spend money on stuff.

I know this probably sounds ridiculous lol I try and tell myself I can't take money to my grave with me. But I can't help getting annoyed at constantly spending spending spending

Is anyone else like this or am i just crazy lol

I probably sound very immature, I've just always seen money as security, I always like to have a little bit of a savings, I'm not talking grands, but a few hundred, and I'm realising how much of a struggle it is to even get that in this day and age

Its not ridiculous. Yes you can't take it with you but you can save for emergencies, plan for retirement, save for your little one, save a deposit etc.

In my opinion, it's a far more mature point of view.

I'm not sure what the problem is. As long as your needs are met and you're not living off yellow stickers so you don't have to spend money and bills are paid. You dont have to spend money for the sake of it. It's probably wise.

Think you are being sensible - I actually didn’t spend much when mine were that small as I didn’t socialise that much and didn’t need much to be happy. As long as you are happy it’s ok

Perhaps you would benefit from making a budget, perhaps using budgeting software or a spreadsheet. That might allow you to have a little bit of money to treat yourself without resentment (if the money is available).

For example if you got paid and saved some money each month in an emergency fund, allocate the money for bills and food, then if it were affordable you could put by something by for clothes and say £10 each week for "treats" or whatever is a suitable amount for you. Then you might see some boots you like that are £60 that you wouldn't normally buy but if your clothes budget has built up to £100 over the months then you can buy the boots without guilt.

I have a budget spreadsheet and allocate my son £20 each month - this is on top of all the normal things that you need to buy as a parent. This adds up over time so when I think he needs a bike or a trampoline or whatever if I feel I can't afford it I can use "his own" money that I have ringfenced for him. If I don't need to use this pot I won't but it is handy if there is something I really want to get him or to do with him - like a day out - when I don't have any spare cash. I think on his behalf whether he would want to spend some of his cash on the item/day out rather than go without.

I think you have your head screwed on. There is so much brand new with tags such on vinted at a huge discount.
have a look at I need a budget or financielle start investing you could do brilliantly

My mother has been like that her entire life, she loves and thinks about money more than anything. She isn't just mean with money she is mean with everything you can be. Nobody likes her and I can see why Miser was left alone with his gold.

I’d describe you as frugal and thrifty not stingy! Frugal and thrifty is where I aspire to be!

I see someone stingy as that person who ducks their round in the pub, or turns up at a potluck with hardly anything. I see someone who is frugal and thrifty as being good with money, not buying unnecessary stuff (consumerist junk!) and therefore not having to worry about an unexpected bill as they’ve got some savings and knowing they’ve got the £ for groceries etc.

Do you/have you ever worked?

Do you generate your own income to support yourself and your baby?

IML I often find people who are stingy mostly have never entirely had to support themselves financially in their adult lives. Either they have been given or inherited loads of cash from family or they rely solely on benefits.

Don't ever flip over to stingy tightness.

Don't be tight. It's V bad.

Can you spend some time with my daughter please 🙏

What things are you feeling this way about buying?

Writing a realistic budget and being able to stick to it is good.

Taking time to feel proud of yourself for managing to live within your means might help you feel more positive.

As a child my sister used to say I was a miser because she always spent all her pocket money whereas I saved mine.

My XH had a six figure salary, and even though I had unlimited access to the joint account I never over spent, but we.never went without.

but when we split up I actually managed well on less than most would because I’m careful, doesn’t make me stingy though, I just don’t see the point in spending money on stuff I don’t need.

I sympathise OP. I HATE spending money. I think it's a trauma response because I grew up poor. The way I see money is screwed up. I almost feel panic and fear about spending even though I am no longer poor. Inflation of recent years has made it worse.

Getting annoyed at spending on things you need does sound a bit, well, unreasonable. It’s different from not wanting to be frivolous with money.

Money represents access to resources and you’re spending it on resources you need. So annoyance is a bit out of place. If you have enough to have a stable lifestyle with the things you need and putting a bit aside for the future/a rainy day, being annoyed at getting those things could make your life less enjoyable and more stressful. But it’s definitely not the worst reaction to taking on big responsibilities like moving out and having a baby!

Is it down to stress over being unsure you’re going to be able to provide for your DC, maybe? If so, would making a budget and tracking your spending so you can see you’re sticking to it and building up savings help? (And a few hundred is a good start for savings, but don’t knock having a few thousand in the bank and a lot more in pensions and other assets in due time). It sounds like you’re coping well financially so congratulating yourself on providing for your DC might be a nicer way to look at the spending and saving you’re doing.

Can you give yourself a monthly budget that’s affordable to just spent if you wanted to? Ie £50, if you fancy a new book, or pricier box chocolate or new top or something. You can buy without panicking

Saving makes sense though. So money spare needs to really be divided into:

1. save for longer term ( house purchase/ renovations / child education or whatever is relevant
2. save for larger prices items ( new fridge/ holiday/ new large garden toy)
3. savings for day to day essentials replacement ie shoes, clothing, annual passes
4. savings you can spend on whatever.

Some items are just an expensive and not worth it. Others are expensive because of quality, inflation, material. You decide if you think it’s worth buying

I find this POV so interesting because I've had exactly the opposite experience. I find SOME people who have had to work hard for everything they have far tighter grip on their purse string than those on benefits/living off family handouts. I still remember a colleague from my first job, when we were all on NMW, explaining how he saves every possible penny and if he needed new socks, he'd walk the 2 hours to the closest Primark (bypassing many other shops where you could buy socks!) and back because he'd never spend money on the bus 😂

Perhaps not the point of the thread, but could not help but noticing the remark you made that you think about it all the time.

If you feel like you are thinking about it more than you would like, you might want to flag this with the GP.

It can be a sign of mental health problems like OCD when your thoughts start returning to the same subject all the time, even when you don't want them to.

I am also single and trying to support 2 DC at Uni so money is tight. The best way for me to manage things is by having pots of money (Christmas, fuel, food, Birthdays) and give myself a weekly allowance which is on a Revolut card - I then don't feel guilty spending this money as it is there for this purpose.

If you only have hundreds in savings you likely aren't stingy and maybe just worried about having security? Everybody should have some savings if it's possible for them to do so.

A lot of people are quick to judge others and call them stingy because they don't spend. They are often clueless as to the realities of that persons circumstances. You see it on a lot of threads here where one person is expected to finance a household and ensure the non working partner has money to spend on outings etc and if they don't are called financially abusive. It's rare that these posters actually ask if they have the means.

Like pp's I would call you stingy if you were earning more than me and ducking your rounds down the pub but happily accepting being bought for. If your money was piling up somewhere while you took from others or refused to spend/ turn the heating on etc you would be stingy.

Wealth is money you don't spend; and savings give security.

Utilising money to build greater wealth is a step further on - perhaps an awareness of this leads your mind to ruminate to puzzle it out?

I was going say something similar to @Winter2020 . Work out your income and expenses, and factor in some ‘fun’ money. If you see it as another ‘bill’, you won’t resent spending it.

Moneysavingexpert. Com has a good budget planner.

It’s hard.. much harder than it should be now!
costs have risen dramatically and wages/ benefits are still lagging and will continue to do so in the wake of political objectives following the past budget.
if you look at all mandatory costs (council tax/ utilities/ insurance— they all freely and state double digit increase no excuses .. just pay up!
its
if this helps.. look at Everup… even if you need to buy grocery staples .. buy an instant gift card for the cost of your groceries .. you will get some cash back.. .. save this up .. and then cash it back out to your account.. there are no hooks or catches.. I could give you my referral code.. but honestly .. I’d rather you benefit from everyday spending and stretch the money to help . Everup is a godsend.

I see money as security too, i agree with you op

You sound normal!

I don't get angry in shops - well not about random stuff -but to me, sticking to a budget list is normal in a shop.

normal is a packed lunch and office coffee at work. I might occasionally buy an iced coffee in summer. But you sound like you're in a good mindset for saving.

.

Could you open a bank savings account for your baby and put some money in there? Also save money for yourself.