Leaving Fund

[Rollycoasty78]

I’m nearly 46 year old, living with partner and our individual children. My partner owns the house (I moved in a year after he had bought it but I pay half towards the mortgage and half of all bills). Thinks aren’t doing good at the moment and as I have debts(some my own and some joint) , low income and no actual house as it’s in his name, and that really worries me and me and my child would be screwed if it ended .

My mum has recommended saving up incase the situation becomes untenable, but I won’t be able to save a lot as we have joint finances and I don’t earn loads. I would require a deposit, first months rent and money for furniture.

Has anyone else been in a similar position?

I think everyone should have emergency funds they have easy access to in case of life emergencies, whether that be job loss, needing to leave a relationship or ill health etc.

I follow Dave Ramseys baby step method, where you save £1000 as an emergency fund to allow you to avoid further debt when life happens, then work on getting rid of debt, then build a fully funded emergency fund of 3-6 months expenses.

If you can open up an e-saver account in your own name, then put anything spare in that it will soon add up. And although im not advocating hiding funds, I have seen it mentioned elsewhere that women who are looking to leave but have shared funds, is to ask for cashback when doing grocery shopping then putting the cashback into their savings.

There are lots of ways to raise funds if you have internet access, whether that be selling on vinted/ebay, survey sites, market research, mystery shopping, matched betting... there are probably loads more.

Wishing you all the best for the future.

ALL women should have a fund to call their own. In this day and age we are too vulnerable without it. Doing a cash back on the food shop is a good idea. Make sure you hide any receipt that shows that. A tenner here, a fiver there, isn’t going to be noticed.

As above, start by opening some kind of account, which you can run on line. Just start creaming off what you can each month. Get into the habit, even if only a pound or 2 every month.

Before you know it, you’ll have a useful fund for whatever you decide to do.

Look after the pennies and the pounds will look after themselves. This much I know.

Meant to say, don’t worry about furniture! Charity shops are full of great items. You won’t need everything all at once. Just the basics.

British Heart Foundation in my city even sell brand new beds at reasonable prices.

Your mum is a wise woman.

I agree, you need an Emergency Fund. Or savings, or whatever you want to call it, but everybody (including your partner - no discrimination here) should have a financial cushion in case of need.

From your OP, I think you need to do three things - firstly work out the amount for deposit and first months rent plus a 10% buffer. That is your first urgent goal to save for an Emergency Fund. Secondly, work out your debt amount. Work at paying this down, as it will make it easier to leave to have not debt. Thirdly, speak to your partner and reduce the amount you are paying towards the mortgage. Paying 50% of the mortgage when you earn less AND don’t own the home, nor get any equity in it is unfair. I agree 50% of bills is fair. Put any savings you negotiate into your savings account, don’t get used to spending it.

I strongly recommend you start doing this ASAP. Even a small fund is better than nothing, and gives you choices. So many women on here say they don’t have them as they are financially vulnerable and it is very sad. Get yourself out of that position.

when I left I had £10 to my name. Woman’s aid helped me and so did a food bank. It was miserable but I’ve been building my life up since then

Did you go into temporary accommodation?

I would be looking to clear your debts. Speak to your partner - you should not be paying 50% of the mortgage when you have no stake in the property and can't afford it.

Maybe he would be prepared to give you a stake in the property but I'm assuming not given you are in this position.

Doing a cash back on the food shop is a good idea. Make sure you hide any receipt that shows that. A tenner here, a fiver there, isn’t going to be noticed.

This is stealing!!!

If I found out my partner was doing g that it would be the end of our relationship.

Yes you're in a dodgy position but you need to talk to your OP and sort something out. Did I read you're paying half the mortgage?

I also had very little when I left. I sofa surfed with my children for a month before they could find us temporary accommodation. Stayed in temp for 18 months and now we have a council house. It has been tough and the house needs a lot of work but it’s ours and we are happier than we have been in a long time.

There would be zero guilt from me if he’s having me pay half of a mortgage that my name’s not on. She’s paying for a house that he gets the profit on. Thats worse than a bit of cash back.

Yes and it was miserable but long term it was better than staying

It's not stealing since it's coming from a joint bank account into which her own wages go. There's no indication that the suggestion involves taking out more than her own earned money.

It's not honest and is a sign of a bad relationship, but we know that already from the OP.

why would you need to have a leaving fund? just go! if things are that bad that you have to sneak and hide money to leave.. you could end up still being there for years.

i left.. walked out of the house with a suitcase, 2 kids and a knackered car. i had debts coming out of my ears. i lived on a friends sofa for about 3 weeks and had my own place (rented) by the end of the month.

granted everything was second hand or gifted for a few years, but now 20 odd years later, have my own house, good job, kids did well at school and out of debt.

just do it!