Feeling hopeless

[Itsallaboutthemoneymoney]

Relatively frequent poster but have name changed. Trying to keep some personal details vague but will try and keep as much as I can factual as I would love some advice.

I have a beautiful toddler.
They are pretty much the only thing keeping me going at this point.
Split from the Dad back in November, we were living at his Aunties at the time and had been for 6 months. This is due to our landlord selling up, I was on maternity leave at the time and we could not find anywhere affordable as rent costs skyrocketed. We went on the council list but were not high priority. After the split in November, I contacted the council to advise them of my situation and that I needed to leave where we were staying. I was told I'd be higher up on the priority for 56 days, and put into temporary accommodation. But after 56 days I'd be moved back to low priority as we technically had somewhere to stay, and we'd be looking at approximately 3 years in temp accommodation.
After a couple of weeks (Ex Aunty was accommodating and let us stay whilst I tried to figure out what to do) and suffering badly with my MH, I decided to move into private accommodation with my child. My biggest fear of living in temp accommodation was being put into hostel, and not feeling safe as it was going to be mixed sex and I suffered sexual abuse as a child. I did explain this to the council but it made no difference. In January we moved into a house, rent is £900.
I returned to work last year and work part time, childcare costs £70 per day.
I'm fortunate enough to receive universal credit.
My child's father has stopped paying CM as he has lost his job. I earn £1200 from my job, £1500 from universal credit to help with rent and childcare.
Rent £900
Childcare for July is £1080
Loan £260 (for car, loan will be paid off mid next year)
Petrol to get to nursery/work £40ish a week
Car insurance £50
Phone £10
Council tax £114
This leaves me £126 a month for food, nappies, gas & electric, water, clothes etc.
I've been using the local food bank, and olio/market place for anything we can use like clothes etc. I've been thinking about using emergency holiday leave for next week so I don't have to spend money on petrol for work/nursery, but work helps take my mind off what a mess I'm in. And I know my child will be fed nutritious food.
I considered asking to work an extra day, but the way it works out is every £1 I earn I lose 55p in universal credit, so I will actually be worse off by the time I pay for the extra child care day.
I'm tied into a 12 month contract with my landlord.
I've been burying my head in the sand for months anyway, but I now owe £300 to Octopus and haven't paid council tax for May it June.
I just don't know what to do.
Please help, if there is anything I can do I will.

Sorry you are having a tough time OP.

What’s the breakdown of your childcare cost. Are you getting any free hours yet?

Is it possible to do any ‘compressed hours’ to use less days of childcare? How many hours are you working?

In the short term - have you got any family that can support you?

You rent is high. Do you have 2 beds? Could you move toddler into your room and take in a lodger short-term?

Just to add, when we moved in with ex's Aunty, the view was to live there for a year and save up so that by the time I returned to work (should have been full time) we were in a better position to rent privately again.
Due to things happening last year (car completely broke down, pet had an illness which even with insurance cost a fortune due to age) and then use breaking up, we never ended up with any savings.

This is not going to work. The landlord will never agree. And it could be dangerous taking a stranger. OP costs should go down once the child is a bit older.

No free hours yet, I believe we get 11 hours a week from September.
With my job I can only work between the hours of 9-5 as it's customer focused and those are our opening hours.
I work 22.5 hours over 3 days.
My parents would definitely help if they could, but due to age and disability they can't manage a toddler.
No one else who I could ask as everyone else in my life works full time and most have young children themselves.

I did wonder if I was allowed to do this with being in rented accommodation.

I'm trying to start potty training now (child is almost 18 months) so we can atleast save money on nappies. How successful this will be, time will tell.

If the child's dad is off work currently can he do more of the childcare? Appreciate it may not be wise to reduce nursery hours but could he look after his child whilst you did an extra day or an evening job or something?

Have a look at your council page to see if you can get any help with the council tax every council has a different scheme. Also if your rent is above the maximum that uc will support have a look at applying for discretionary housing benefit again rules vary but citizens advice should be able to help you with this.

I hadn't thought about this and it is something I can try and talk to him about. I'm not hugely optimistic as the main driving force behind our split is that he did absolutely nothing for our child. Played the doting father in public, but I can count on both hands how many nappies he's changed and bottles/meals he's fed our daughter. He's a very selfish and lazy man. He didn't used to be. This all started once I started maternity leave. This seemed to signal to him that as I wasn't working, I should have to do anything and everything related to our child and living situation. Including keeping him fed. I don't think he did a single load of laundry.
Sorry, I'm digressing completely.

I receive a discount for council tax, but I will look into the discretionary housing benefit, thank you!!

Hi,

First of all stop being so hard on yourself. You’re doing really well under very tough circumstances.

i know it’s not ideal but can you crunch the numbers for if you didn’t work at all? What would your finances look like then?

I think half the stress in these situations is all the unknowns. Do you have a spreadsheet of all the ingoings outgoings? Things are definitely going to get easier in September with the childcare costs. Things are going to get easier when the car loans is paid off. Things will get easier when your daughter goes to school. Are you due a pay rise? Can you ask for one? Can you go for a promotion. Try to get your finances really organised. Then you’ll be able to think only 4 more months and then I’ll be £80 a month better off.

Ring the council tax in the morning. Just lay it out. Offer them £20 a month.

Well done for reaching out.

Sorry I forgot to say I also get child benefit, paid monthly, so that's just under £100 a month extra. So not as bad as I originally thought but it still seems to disappear. I don't need new clothes I just wear them same things but my daughter is growing so quickly.

Hello,
I did a benefits calculator for if I didn't work and it actually means we'll be worse off.
Part of my UC entitlement is 85% towards childcare, so I only pay 15% out of my wage.
Also, I have to say that work really does help my MH.
I had a pay rise whilst on maternity leave, and another small one in January. I will ask about this though. There's no roles for promotion currently but I am doing some courses paid for by work, when my little one is in bed, so I'm hoping this will improve my prospects for the future.
I do need to talk to council tax, I rang Octopus the other day and apologised and said I would pay them some money by the end of this month. Can I really only offer £20 a month? I'm so scared about the council tax, I've heard you can go to prison for that? I have been prioritising feeding my daughter and getting to work. I'm going to ring up the loan company (castle bank) and ask if there's anyway of extending the loan and reducing payments. I really didn't want to but I think I'm going to have to try.

I just want to say thank you so much for the advice so far, even if I have said it doesn't apply to me. You can't understand how much of a relief it is to get this all out. My mum and don't have a lot of money themselves and just get by, I can't tell them as it will keep them awake at night with sorry.
Thank you

Also, I will do a spreadsheet and thank you for the positive thinking advice x

OP charity shops/facebook marketplace are brilliat for clothes. Can you ge housing benefits with your universal credit claim?? If you talk to octopus energy they can do a fiancial review or offer a payment holiday for what you owe?? good luck x

I’ve been in debt and I’ve been on money saving expert for 20 years. In all that time I’ve never read one story where people feel worse when they ring a company up about a debt. Ring council tax first, then octopus. I would be reluctant too to change car loan but it won’t hurt to ring and ask options.

your speadsheet needs… income outgoings. Put a list at the bottom for extra debts (council tax and gas).

it sounds like work is really good for you which is great thing. Well done on the pay rises and courses.

get the spread sheet done and report back.
You are doing really well.

Hello, I get £700 housing benefit (this is included in the £1500 UC), but the cheapest accommodation I could find within 30 miles of my work was £900 so I pay the £200 out of my wage. I then get around £450-£500 a month deducted out of UC because I earn over £400 a month from my job. Every £1 I earn over the threshold I lose 55p UC so it swings in roundabouts but does work out better for me to work than not. I try to get bundles of clothes off vinted as they end up being cheaper than charity shops very often, but agree marketplace has been amazing. Pretty much all of her toys/books we've managed to get for free from marketplace. Some clothes and shoes have been given from friends when they're little ones have grown out of them.

I think you are doing amazingly given the circumstances. What is criminal is that your child’s father is not paying for half of the cost of her upbringing. He should be. If he actually pulled his weight, you wouldn’t even need UC. I honestly think it should be illegal for men to procreate and then absolve themselves of any financial responsibility for their offspring.

Oh OP, you’re doing such a good job even though it feels hopeless right now.

First of all - council tax is a priority, they will pass it to a debt collector soon and they are awful, I speak from experience. Contact them tomorrow and get that one sorted first. Then speak to Octopus and sort out a manageable payment plan with them. If the car loan and other bills are getting too much, Stepchange can really help, but please sort the council tax out as a priority.

I hope things get easier for you soon x

Op I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with the UC taking your money. Its absolutely shite they can do this. I would sort the council tax out first as a priority. Good luck you are doing a fantastic job x

This. I think it’s absolutely fair to ask and he should do this. So saving you chikdcare and allowing you to work more.

if/when he gets a job he pays cms so in theory you can cover the chikdcare when it’s needed again

If he’s not working there isn’t money there. He can’t magic it up

but as said previously, he has time so could and absolutely should be contributing that

My DD's 5 and about 90% of the cloths she's ever owned have been free from our local Facebook pass it on page.

It might be worth looking more at working the extra day. You are right that they reduced your uc payment 55p/£1 when your pay goes up, but the child care element would also go up, so the number they take the 55p's off would be higher. If you can work out what you would be paid for the extra day and what your child care would be, then put the new numbers into "turn2us" benefit calculator to see if you will be better or worse off.

@Icantpaint - but he could find a job if he cared enough to provide for his child. At this point, he knows the OP is handling things and he doesn’t have to step up. There are so many jobs around at the moment. Supermarkets, warehouses, deliveries, anything is better than nothing. Or it is if you have a decent work ethic! He’s getting off Scott free because the OP is making up his slack.