Please help me to decide

[househelpneeded24]

I'm at almost rock bottom at the moment and have some big decisions to make. Due to decision paralysis I just cant seem to move myself forward at all.

Landlord selling our house, section 21 runs out next week. Partner called shelter at the start of this who (apparently) said not to pay the rent to allow us to save for new house. I now know that to be bollocks - whether OH got it wrong, lied, or shelter said it in error, who knows.

So we're 2 months behind on rent. We have so much extra to pay out that none of it has been saved. I will need to pay everything we have coming in to clear this asap for the council to even consider housing us.

I'm quite bad with money but OH is something else, I've been dragged down with him which I blame myself entirely for. I've never been in such a situation in my life. He's had more health issues and job losses than anyone I know and it's been on me with my crappy wage to keep us afloat.

The council told us to wait for bailiffs before leaving. This fills me with horror but I know it's the process etc so am prepared to get our stuff out to hand over keys peacefully when they arrive with the kids being somewhere else ideally.

In the meantime, my mum is undergoing tests for memory loss, may be dementia, may be just be her age but she's forgetting so much and it's getting noticeably worse, fast.

We have the option to stay with her. It's fairly local to the kids school and my work and has a bedroom for the kids and one for me and OH (if I bring him with me that is).

I know this will affect my chances of getting social housing as I'll be housed. My wage isn't great due to going p/t when having the kids - my plan was to go f/t or for promotion when they're maybe 8-9 so that's another 3-4 years. UC can top up but I know landlords aren't keen on that. I can increase hours sooner but the price of childcare will negate any extra earnings.

It would however allow me to put as much money as possible into savings and debt to get myself in a better position. But I don't know how badly this will impact my mum, it'll either be great as she'll have more help and support or be the worst thing as we'll be destroying her peace.

There's new housing being built in our current village - I've been wondering about looking at shared ownership, is this an awful idea?

I'm stuck. Either way I've ruined my life but getting myself up again feels like climbing Everest in flip flops.

Hi OP, sorry you’re having such a tough time. Shared ownership is a tricky one, I personally wouldn’t ever choose to go that way because they you end up paying more most of the time (rent + mortgage) and they are quite difficult to get rid of once you have one because not many people want to buy them. We bought our house on a new build site that also had some shared ownership and two of them have been trying to sell for nearly 18 months now due to cost of living they can’t afford it anymore and have had no luck at all so it can be a trap you then can’t get out of. However if you really are out of options and it’s that or homelessness of course if it’s better than that x

Thanks for the advice! I'm in no position to get a mortgage at the moment, I have no deposit and my credit rating needs a lot of work. It just felt like that was a better way than private rental where the house can be taken at any time and you can't even decorate. I suppose SO is ok if you don't plan to sell ever and/or can pay over and above but who can foresee these things?!

My plan was to reassess in maybe a year once I have some money behind me. Maybe I need to take longer and see if there is a lower deposit scheme. The houses haven't even been fully started yet so I think there will be some time 🤞

I'm very worried that we won't get a reference from our current landlord now due to missed payments so I'm trying to work out a plan that doesn't involve private renting any more.

Why was I not more sensible when I was young???

I'm really sorry you're having such a difficult time, but you need to work full time now. Many families even with suitable housing don't have the luxury of choosing to remain part time until their kids are 8 or 9, you can't survive off one part time wage. If your partner isn't working, can he not do childcare? And don't forget the UC threshold is different for childcare, you'll get support for the childcare.

I really wouldn’t advise going down the shared owner ship front. My son had a friend who’s done and now regrets doing that, it’s not as wonderful as it sounds.

have the council not offered any housing even temporarily?

moving in with your mum, might be better than a lot of options and will give you time to breath and re think. But might well effect being on homing lists you will need to look into that.

as for work, I really feel you need to go full time, if your husband isn’t working he can take over running the home and the kids, could even be a caregiver for your mum if need be. It’s just silly you working part time when he isn’t working and he needs to pull his socks up and either give you time to work or get out there himself.

the only other option is to perhaps go to a women’s shelter with the children, I know that means leaving your husband even if it’s temporary until your rehoused, but it will put a roof over the children’s heads.

its all a difficult decision to make, and we all learn by our mistakes. But you need to make a decision and grit your teeth and follow it through. It’s not the end of the world you’re in a terrible place but you can get out of it. You both just need to learn better money management and work full time