Buying gifts for kids when childless

[Singlemid40s]

Hello parents!

I thought I might get some insider views from you all here. I’m single and childless and in my mid-forties.

I have a fairly small group of friends / relatives that I buy birthday or Christmas presents for … and since some have now had kids, I buy for the kids too. But now there are quite a few kids and I realised at Christmas that I’m buying 3-5 presents per family and getting one in return.

I quite enjoy buying for my friends and their children, but have to admit I’m struggling to afford it as I earn less than £30k per year and take home just over £2k per month. Most of my friends are earning more than me and have dual incomes.

Any ideas for changing things a bit? I thought of maybe buying each family a present like board game, rather than individual ones. I didn’t know if I stopped buying for the parents whether they’d be a bit upset by that. I’ve taken to only giving relatives’ kids gifts only when I see them now. I tried buying cheaper presents for the kids like things from Tiger but didn’t enjoy it so much. I’m prob spending around £5-£30 per child on 15 children (higher end for godchildren) and £15-30 on their parents at Christmas and same again for birthdays. The children all seem to get so many presents these days too!

What are your thoughts on this from the other side?

Thanks in advance for any ideas!

One present per family makes a lot of sense, it’s what I and a lot of my friends do. It does get ridiculous otherwise! For my own immediate family I buy separate gifts, but not otherwise. That’s for Christmas. For birthdays I tend to get a token gift, eg a big bar of chocolate from the pound shop. Always seems to go down well!

My friends and I buy for birthdays (our own/children's) but not for Christmas. Could you suggest similar? Or just get each child a £1.50 selection box/each family a tub of Celebrations for Christmas. You are right, most kids do get a lot of toys these days so something that can be eaten (and not added to the tat pile!) is always welcome!

Selection boxes for the kids. Honestly it’s Christmas and Santa will be coming!!

This used to really piss me off too when I was single / childless. The answer is to stop buying presents for adults and to reduce the amount you spend on the children. In your position I would tell them that finances are a bit tight giving them plenty of notice and I’d ask for some ideas of presents. You’ll probably pick up some real bargains in the sales throughout the year if you know the type of thing to look out for.

@Divebar2021 completely agree. Especially when you have so many to buy for. I always felt bad because I have 4 kids, and people used to buy for all four. And unless you are particularly thoughtful and time-rich, you end up buying those nice sets for adults, and everyone ends up with tons of hand cream they don't need. One board game per family along with several selection boxes (everyone loves these) would do the trick I think. And explain your reasoning, and ask that they don't buy you anything either, bottle of wine or similar if they feel you must open something from them. It gets really hard as the kids get older, there are more of them, and you cannot keep track of what they like. The parents will be grateful that you have simplified Christmas. The kids won't care. x

I am always grateful when people buy presents for my children and if someone is buying for my children I do not expect a gift aswell. I even do this with my brother who is childless. He buys presents for my kids and I've told him not to bother with us anymore but in turn we buy him a present of decent value.

I think the whole family present is a lovely idea! Children get lots at Christmas anyway so a board game between a family is a great idea.

I was just chatting to a friend of mine about the same thing recently. She is single, childless and now lives on a limited income. Her siblings between them have over 10 kids. She decided that she would just buy presents for their birthdays.
At Christmas they were already getting a lot of presents. She also decided that once the children went into secondary school the present buying would stop accept for her godchildren. She started looking in charity shops for new items and in sales.
She used camelcamel.com to price watch on Amazon so one a price feel to x amount she got an email and bought the item immediately.

A lot of times she if she saw something nice and reasonably priced she buy it and keep until their birthday came.

She did this to bring down her costs. If she called to their houses at Christmas she bring selection box's or a box of chocolates or biscuits.

I watch this video every Christmas season: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=KIXFSnNe_wQ

To be blunt OP, it looks like your salary is about 25% below the national average. And you’re not in a dual-income household. As Martin Lewis says in his video above, these gift giving obligations are re-prioritising your personal finances, which probably feel exacerbated during the current climate of inflated prices.

You do not owe anyone gifts, and if I knew that you providing gifts for me and my children was causing you to not meet your financial obligations and your financial goals, I would be mortified. You’re well within your rights to say that due to the rising cost of living and your financial obligations needing to be met, you’re no longer in a position to continue to give gifts to extended family and friends. You never know—they may be in the same boat.

You sound very kind and thoughtful! I have some childless friends who bought my children presents. I always thought it was really lovely but also not necessary. As my kids got slightly older they started sending smaller gifts like a bag of sweets. Very thoughtful and kind and appreciated. In recent years they've stopped sending presents and I completely understand why. These friends do not earn much and I wouldn't want them to spend their money on my children in these circumstances (especially as the kids have way more things than they need).

I'm in a similar position to you and have long since told my friends I would not be buying for their kids. Though the kids are lovely, I am friends with the adult not the child.
I will happily spend time with the kids and do kid-friendly activities when spending time together, but gifts are between me and my friends.

children only gifts and £5 in a card. My DCs love getting a fiver in a card.

I don’t have a standard reciprocal arrangement with friends. And it’s only kids presents on my side of the family and even then it’s if we see each other. Adults with DHs side but the last few years we mainly stick to just kids at Christmas, by arrangement.

Just talk to them, say the children’s number is growing faster than your salary and would you be ok if going forward I just give your DCs a small token gift. You will know how good of friends they are by their reaction.

I would say once the kids come along gift the kids instead of the parents.

And don't feel pressured into spending too much.

Even if you had children, I would not expect any friend of mine to buy so many gifts on a limited income. One gift per family is fine. Even just a box of chocolates. I think kids have too much stuff anyway.

I'd say you definitely shouldn't be on your limited sole income be buying gifts for your friend's children. You are friends with the adult, not the child. Also children receive so much nowadays and it gets too much. My lovely neighbour buys a gift for my daughter every time she goes away and we have fed the cat - but my daughter really doesn't appreciate it as she gets so much.

If you can stretch to a selection box I'd go with that per child, at the absolute maximum.

I would go with one present per family.
Something like a board game, tin of quality street or similar, a nice hamper, something they can make together etc

Thanks for all the great ideas and feedback. Really appreciate it. I’m not a big fan of giving kids too much sugar, after getting diagnosed with pre-diabetes and changing my diet a lot (although I sometimes regift my chocolate to kids to get rid of it!), but there are plenty of good ideas here. I think managing expectations is a good one. I might also ask the friend who might appreciate the gift more, them or their child! I know my single mother relative was really appreciative of a gift as she wasn’t getting any from the kids or elsewhere… hmmm lots to think about, so thanks again!

Gosh I am really impressed you even remember all these birthdays!! My friends don’t get my children presents in general, I would not expect that at all, and one of my siblings doesn’t either, but spends time with them instead which is lovely. Could you buy a book for birthdays maybe if you did want to get something that’s not food, or do a drink & cake cafe outing for older ones? But I would not expect you to spend time or money on it really!

I would start talking about costs/prices etc in casual conversation. Then move on to saying you’ll need to cut down what you buy for Christmas this year, maybe everyone needs to do the same.

Then either buy selection boxes or a board game or similar.