Sick to death of grocery costs (1k/ month)

[Icannotbudget]

Our grocery bill has slowly increased and is now around 1k per month. This is for two adults, two very active teenage boys, and two dogs. This includes everything you would get from a supermarket eg personal care and laundry/ cleaning stuff.
Both kids are neurodivergent one in particular is very fussy and would rather go hungry than eat ‘cheap’ food. The older one just seems to need constant protein.
I am vege and pretty unfussy but don’t like freezer food. No alcohol and i shop at Aldi as much as poss but do use other supermarkets too.
DH works long hours and Ive just gone back full time and really struggling its impossible to cook from scratch every night.
Not sure if I want sympathy or strategies to be honest, its crippling me and im feeling really down.

Supermarkets have been taking the piss out of consumers , large weekly rises on price,shrinkflation.
Two examples.
. frozen chips ..rise of 75p in a week.same chips that were in the warehouse week before.
Tomato used to be six pack forever now five pack.
I know the warehouse scenario as dw works in the supermarket.... taking the piss Asda.

Just cut out the Lurpack for a start ! It’s become stupidly expensive.

Lack of butter will be good for them. If they want it let them buy their own.
I find similar butter from local Spar tastes not too different for under £2.
Aldis version is ok too.

If you’re vegetarian and there are Asian/ world food stores near you, you can get large bags of different pulses and rice at a fraction of normal supermarket costs. Same for their fresh fruit and veg.

You can make a huge pot of bean stew which lasts a couple of days and cuts out the need for relatively expensive and unhealthy ready meals.Maybe your DS would enjoy this too.
You could try serving it up.

Your DS who like branded only food … does he see you prepping meals ?
He probably wouldn’t know the difference if you just serve it up to him and he’s hungry !
My DS is ND and has limited tastes. For some time insisted on the best bronze dye pasta.
I made him pay for it himself and suddenly he was ok with the cheapest from Lidl !

Your other DS who guzzles protein… I assume you’re feeding him a lot of meat ?
You could switch to beans and pulses along with eggs and cheese. Plus cheaper cuts of meat which take longer cooking.

Invest in a slow cooker if you don’t have one. They are brilliant !
You just chuck everything in, switch on and a meal is ready at the end of your working day.

I think you and DH need to get your heads together and decide what is essential and what isn’t. For anyone fussy about branded non essentials, let them get their own.

Yes I’m not disputing that it’s normal but there has to be a limited on the type/expense of food that they eat otherwise they will cost you literally hundreds per month. In the end my sister had to say to him, right, I will buy you X/Y/Z per week and once that’s gone I’m not buying more and then you can fill up on cheap carbs. Plus she also had to make clear that certain stuff was reserved for family meals and not to be demolished by him at a random lunchtime. Porridge is nutritious and filling but costs a lot less than a pack of ham for example. Similarly a tin of tuna or mackerel is much cheaper source of protein than fresh salmon.

Oh gosh this is our current dilemma. Lowish income but ND kids (one diagnosed. One about to go thru the process)

One child won't have anything touching, is quite restrictive in what they will eat but loves bacon, ham, sausages, nuggets and kids food.

Other one is more adventurous but vegetarian and things have to be "just right". If a recipe was done one way once then it has to be the same with the extra ingredients (often fresh coriander or sour cream or guacamole) or the meal is "wrong".

Both have very form ideas about what makes a meal "right" (ie which brands or how it's served).

This is both exhausting and costing us a fortune and although child 2 is slim (won't eat if its not right) child 1 is overweight as craves cheap processed carbs and I'm not sure how to handle it.

We are exhausted.

School lunches - child 2 refuses to eat food that has been sat in their lunchbox pretty much. And just goes without. They don't eat breakfast so this leads to issues.

Child 1 will only back processed crap if we do lunch boxes.

So currently we're paying around £30 a week on school lunches that we also can't afford.

This is breaking us.

I genuinely think the ND angle is relevant here and perhaps only understood by those with an understanding of sensory stuff around food etc.

Small pot yogurts are ridiculously expensive.
I get the large pot of Greek style yogurt from Aldi/ Lidl and flavour it with stewed fruit ( you can buy frozen fruit in large- ish bags ). I also grow my own rhubarb, apples,raspberries, blackberries and strawberries. Freeze any excess.

If I don’t have any fruit, then just a dollop of jam ( nice fruity jam from Lidl) or honey mixed through.

Fraction of the cost, less processed and healthier.

Let’s face it, the ready made fruit yogurts are probably flavoured with an overly processed version of jam anyway !

For non food items, non branded soap powder rather than liquid or pouches.

Toilet roll is a minefield. I get “ double” rolls.
Many of the so called 24 rolls packs are actually half the paper per roll so it’s very deceptive.
Check thickness of rolls and the size of cardboard tubes. Less cardboard= more toilet paper.

Cleaning stuff. Again, non branded generic cleaners are cheapest and put into your own spray bottles.

Dog food: Do you buy dry or wet food ? You can get huge bags of dry from pet supplies stores. Not necessarily Pets at Home. Equine and agricultural supplies stores may be cheaper for larger bags.

That’s a high amount, for sure.

Can you post exactly what you have purchased and what meals and let us help?

I’d be cutting out any brands for a start - they will have to eat alternatives. It’s mad anyone indulges kids like that, mine don’t even know what brands are as i never buy them. Food is food. I’d work backwards by looking at what is being wasted food wise. And your son needs to learn how to get protein cheaply, like beans and lentils. I only buy a big natural yoghurt then add frozen berries. All recipes are bulked out with beans/lentils/veg.

oh and stop buying fruit juice. It’s just sugar.

We spend £250 a week so you’re not alone

It isn't even remotely excessive when you do the maths. If you factor out the dogs and toiletries etc, it's around £5 per person per day.

My DH said he’d only eat lurpak and the Aldi version is rubbish…so when we ran out I bought the Aldi butter and put it in the lurpak container. He didn’t notice the difference. I also did the same with ketchup as he only liked Heinz apparently, maybe you could try some stealth swaps?

@Icannotbudget

For anyone fussy about branded non essentials, let them get their own.

I do agree with this OP. How old are your sons-

• can you include them in your food/budget planning so they can see how their wants are affecting the family budget?
• can you include them in cooking one dinner each per week? Even if it's initially under supervision so get a taste of what you have to do?
• can they contribute to the family budget so they are paying something towards what they want to eat?
• maybe don't prepare from scratch as much for everyone every night. Share those tasks with other members of the family who will, hopefully, see what's involved in this daily chore of feeding everyone.

I used to like watching the "Eat well for less" programmes with Chris Bavan and Gregg Wallace. Are you able to include your family, particularly your sons, in doing some of the meal planning with this in mind? To include for example, including more pulses to bulk out the meat protein. I started using my local Asian more around Covid time when I wanted to stick up in long life items which were easy and relatively quick to prepare.

I feel sorry for anyone with a family trying to meet everyone's needs and wants - bad enough as a single person. 🌹

As above, could your two very active teenage boys take some responsibility for their own, and their family's, nutrition? (Are they active through organised sports, and if so, do their coaches educate them on nutrition and taking responsibility for their own nutrition?)

If they're not already able to cook meals, could you try giving each of them the task of cooking dinner for one night a week (and if it works with their schedules, on the nights that you are most time-poor)?

They would learn how to make decent food for themselves and others, appreciate what you have been doing for them all these many years, and be able to contribute to the overall smooth running of the family.

This approach would also recognise that they are growing up and becoming more capable and independent, but might need a further element of something in it for them - are they wanting to stay out later, roam further from home, other freedoms associated with adulthood? If so, perhaps you can discuss the balance of rights and responsibilities - with the expectation of being treated in a more adult manner comes the expectation of them acting in a more adult manner, which might mean doing more tasks around the house.

If they're not interested in doing some cooking, could they do other elements of the housework to free up more of your time and headspace? Could you also explain how you are feeling to your sons, and explain that it's really not great great for your health, and that you need them to help you out a bit in the same way that their dad takes responsibility for jobs contributing to the running of the home?

Good luck with whatever changes you decide to try. I hope you find some things that work for you and your family.

A quick search on line suggests the average cost of food per month is now £194, so this sounds about right.
we spend about £200 per person, at the supermarket and this includes our cat food.
Teenaged boys need a lot of food and your dogs add a lot.
So you are only about £20 a week over the average.

Look at non food items, we buy washing powder for the clothes washing and the cheapest dishwasher tablets, and only 1 spray for the kitchen, and stuff for the loo, and have cut this from several sprays and conditioner and fancy dishwasher tablets.

Separate the fridge into a shelf for meals - if you eat it for a snack there will be no meal, and a shelf for snack foods. Once this shelf is empty it stays empty til next week, so if they eat all the yogurt and eggs on day one, then tough.

And make Plan for the week that is simple and cheap and repeat for a few weeks to give yourself a break. Teenage boys can also be responsible one night a week for a meal for the whole family.

And be ready for food to go up again this year, it’s too wet for farmers to plant and sow seeds, so there will be a shortage later on.

Lots of these ideas involve a lot more time and OP is fed up of thinking about food, shopping for food, cooking food, stressing about food. I get it.

You could probably shave about £100 off but it’s not terrible to spend around £5/pp per day on food these days when feeding big appetites. I have four adults in the house and work full time and feel the same way sometimes. I do all these Lidl/lentil/batch things but still spend around £850.

Costco is great for me. Massive packs of fish and meat and loo roll etc mean fewer trips overall.

I can’t wait til my three leave home and I can just have boiled eggs and a banana for dinner

While I agree with you that the cost of food is ridiculous these days, what do you mean, they'll only "accept" Lurpak butter?
That's quite simple to deal with: you tell them it's either the Aldi knock-off or they don't get to eat butter. Stop pandering.

@isthewashingdryyet do you mean £194 per week?

We spend £800 per month and it’s just me, DH and a cat. We buy organic meat, dairy and have a veg box most weeks. I realise we are really lucky to be able to do this.

My nephew is ND and he could tell right away if the chicken nuggets weren’t the right brand or the hummus wasn’t the right brand even if he hadn’t seen the pack, I’m not sure PPs really get that about ND kids.

OP what if you asked your sons to cook a meal each, would that be possible? Could you teach them each 2 simple meals and get them to cook one night a week each, alternating the meals?

I would recommend Asda rather than Aldi, I think you get better quality and value for money. You can also get most of your brands there too so don't have to go to multiple supermarkets.

Also, as I think previously mentioned. Batch cook the Chilli and Bolognaise so that when you make it you have 2 or 3 portions to bung in the freezer too to reduce the cooking load.

There's a woman on you tube called the batch lady, she has some great ideas for meals thet can be prepped and frozen.

I think there are things you could do to spend a bit less but I 100% get that you're overloaded going back to work and it sounds like you are still having to do everything you did before you went back to work. I also TOTALLY get that you are sick to the core of cooking and wrangling food preferences while still feeling responsible for getting a reasonable food variety into your children. Of slogging round the shop after work and spending a fortune and then watching your children eat about £15 of what you just bought as a 'quick snack' even though they refuse to make a meal. I think a lot of women have breaking points like this and the sheer load is responsible for a lot of divorces.

I'd strongly consider locks for the fridge and food cupboards. Give them huge meals but stop them eating half your budget with random grazing.

But presumably you’re not moaning about a choice you’re happy with!

Having a few meat free days might save you money. We eat mainly vegetarian during the week and lentils, pulses etc are a fraction of the cost of meat. I find I spend more or a fortune once I start eating shops made things like pizzas or quiches. With veg food the key is in the spicing. However with a slow cooker a Dahl takes barely a few minutes to prep.

Another Batch Lady fan here. I spend £100 Pe but my kids are a bit younger (11 and9). We also have a separate budget for the dog - £25 a month.

I do one batch meal a week and make 4 family size portions. I do it one evening with something on the tv. The first few months are hard but after a while you have your own ready meal store and it’s so much cheaper. It won’t win any cooking awards (one of my lentil Dahl is known by the kids as poo curry) but I refuse to put any more time and energy in than I already do.

It does seem a lot. But if your family don't eat cheaper food then you're a bit stuck. Maybe try and shop around for special dog food from a pet shop in bulk. And focus on what he does like for your Neuro diverse son and just say family budget only allows for x favourite food once a week.