Sick to death of grocery costs (1k/ month)

[Icannotbudget]

Our grocery bill has slowly increased and is now around 1k per month. This is for two adults, two very active teenage boys, and two dogs. This includes everything you would get from a supermarket eg personal care and laundry/ cleaning stuff.
Both kids are neurodivergent one in particular is very fussy and would rather go hungry than eat ‘cheap’ food. The older one just seems to need constant protein.
I am vege and pretty unfussy but don’t like freezer food. No alcohol and i shop at Aldi as much as poss but do use other supermarkets too.
DH works long hours and Ive just gone back full time and really struggling its impossible to cook from scratch every night.
Not sure if I want sympathy or strategies to be honest, its crippling me and im feeling really down.

Just popping on -DLA/PIP is not a de facto payment in response to an Autism diagnosis. You have to have additional care costs caused by significant day to day limitations caused by your autism. Both my children have ASD, only the older one, now 19, may (note MAY) qualify for PIP (have the forms in front of me) because she was unable to cope with 6th form or a part-time job and more often than not has days when she cannot leave the house or concentrate without medication, etc. she has ARFID and no sooner than you have worked out what she will eat, than it changes. My youngest is not ‘disabled’ or unable to function in normal life as simple accommodations, anxiety/migraine meds, understanding staff meets his needs - he is doing GCSEs and hoping to study medicine eventually. He’s also 6ft 3 and eats more than DH and I put together!

The op says she has children with ASD and both she and DH work - hence the need to make meals etc stress (conflict) free and to accommodate DCs dietary preferences. When you have ND kids you find the groove that works for you as a family - and regular batch cooking, shopping at multiple supermarkets, weeks trialling different brands is simply not terribly practical and creates additional unnecessary stress.

However, I do think that doubling up quantities when making favourite meals from scratch, so that you can buy larger/cheaper quantities and freeze leftovers, is a really good plan and is something we do. As is doing shopping together (even on line), so that they understand how much things cost. Bulk items that they can’t tell the difference in (meat/chicken, pastas) and freezing in smaller portions works too. Costco/wholesaler memberships are also really useful as you can do a monthly shop for loo roll/cereals/toiletries/treats etc and it doesn’t add too much stress but really can save some money - not much use for fresh fruit/veg though unless you want to eat 2kg of strawberries in two days though!!

Children in this country end up in hospital or on specialised diets because they refuse food - In countries where that's not an option, those children sadly don't make it, or end up incredibly malnourished if they do

Again this is perfectly true, but extreme cases don't tend to make good policy and nobody's going to convince me that the number of stropping teens who cry "I'll starve then!!" is matched by the amount who actually will

As said it comes down to parenting, and maybe a little more appreciation of what genuinely can't be helped and what's pure manipulation

Poor societies usually have high child mortality.

Take the UK in 1900 for example. About 1 in every 5 kids didn't make it to their 5th birthday.

https://www.statista.com/statistics/1041714/united-kingdom-all-time-child-mortality-rate/

That leaves room for a loooooot of kids to die because they literally prefer no food to food they don't want.

But also, children in poor societies often don't have access to a very wide variety of foodstuffs anyway. If a child in, say, poor rural Niger has AFRID, their safe food isn't going to be branded Lurpak. It'll be one of the small number of foods a poverty stricken family in that part of the world can get hold of.

Good tips. And look online for loo rolls. We get the who gives a crap ones, and they appear more expensive but they last loads longer. The supermarket rolls have undergone serious shrinkflation.

I think OP is best placed to know what's genuine and what's not, rather than strangers on the internet who just tell her to stop "pandering".

Have you thought of pet shop food for the dogs rather than supermarket brands? A 14kg bag might cost £30 -£40 or more but will last much longer as they will need much less quantity to fill them up than cheaper foods. I have a small dog and his recommended quantity per day (split over two meals) is less than 2 cups. A bag lasts me a few months.

I agree. Whilst a lot of kids need to just eat what they are given, neurodiversity can bring very serious and debilitating eating issues. OP, make the changes that feel doable for your family. 💐

I think this is unfair. The Rishi Sunaks of this world siphon a LOT of taxpayers' cash (that's OUR cash) to reach their billionaire status. I remember reading about Rishi Sunak's obscenely rich wife claiming a lot of furlough money for her companies. I don't think people are being infantile complaining things are unfair when our cash is propping up the very wealthy. Ordinary people should also be able to eat well. We can see how our race to the bottom in this country is going and it is not very well!!

@fieldsofbutterflies oh please. How on earth did the children know about Lurpak and the differences between cheaper and more expensive food in the first place? If the money isn't there then it isn't there so what is the OP supposed to do? Starve herself because her teenage sons won't eat cheap butter?

They will have to adjust. They will be adults soon and I assume will not live with the OP forever. This is a great opportunity to teach them a valuable life lesson-sometimes we all have to do things we don't want to or things that upset us and make us uncomfortable etc because needs must.

Lurpak Lighter Slightly Spreadable Blend Of Butter And Rapeseed Oil 500g | ALDI £3.99
Nordpak Spreadable Slightly Salted 500g | ALDI £2.09

If you are putting something else on top of the 'butter' you won't notice the slight difference.
If you are having bread & butter, use real butter, it's much cheaper than Lurpak and it's British
Cowbelle British Salted Butter 250g | ALDI

I like the casual benefits bashing upthread...when the stats tell us that the spends of people who cheat the system are far outweighed by the savings from people who are eligible but don't claim. But yeah, why not resent some kids for getting some additional support to go to school and to eat well 🙄

Great advice here.

I will tell all the ASC kids at my school, just to eat what they are given because it will give them some decency.

Are you for real @PamPamPamPam this is one of the most ableist comment I have ever read. EDUCATE yourself.

Also love the people bleating on about 'well how did your kids get to experience lurpak [/insert some other non-luxury but supposedly luxury item] in the first place?' as if costs haven't massively increased over the years (so presumably it was at one stage very affordable) and as if teens eat the same amount as toddlers do... Just absolute stupidity from some commenters here.

Very possibly, yes, though there's no way of knowing how good OP's judgement is which is why some of us are sticking to principles rather than picking out individuals

Again speaking generally we'd certainly all hope for every parent to guide their DCs sensibly, but sadly this isn't always matched by reality

My kids can tell the difference between own brand squash from different shops and will not drink it.

The OP has not said that she cant afford it just resents paying £250 a week.

Good gracious.

OP would have brought Lurpak when it was cheaper and more affordable - probably in an attempt to at least get her children to eat something.

"Adjusting" in this case won't mean getting used to a cheaper spread, it will mean not eating Lurpak and then likely no longer eating anything they currently eat with Lurpak because it will change the texture to the extent that it's no longer tolerable.

You clearly don't know about neurodiversity, ARFID and the challenges it can cause people (to the extent it puts them in hospital) so your comments about them getting over it and learning valuable life lessons just makes you look silly.

Because if everyone claims ‘some support’ nobody could have any because in total it would cost too much. Very easy to be the better, five star person on here when you aren’t responsible for implementing the budget!

@TheSpoonyNavyReader stop with the hysterics. And I do not need to EDUCATE myself. At no point in my post did I say the children should eat what they are given. I said they need to understand the situation, and start being more involved in the shopping and cooking so they develop that understanding. As someone who works in a school you should be an advocate for education shouldn't you?

And children should absolutely be expected to learn decency, independence and understanding. That is quite literally the job of adults to do to instil those values for the next generation.

Well, exactly.

They're also ignoring the likelihood that many people will have bought Lurpak (or other branded items) in a desperate attempt to just get their child to eat something.

Food is so expensive now. We do one monthly big shop of £250 at Lidl (includes alcohol), then £100 or so top up shop for two adults two children (one teen), so around £350 - £400 pm. We eat pretty well and most meals made from scratch

As an aside, although Lidl prices have gone up, I think they are still cheaper than Tesco etc, especially for meat or fish

We freeze as much as possible to keep costs down. All meat and fish frozen now so nothing is wasted / goes off. Veg, apart from onions is mostly frozen packs of mixed veg - cheaper and no waste. We get some more expensive frozen veg with seasoning (e.g Mexican) and use just what we need for that meal, and it's prepared and saves time

Keep all bread in the fridge - stays fresh for up to two weeks. The only thing we need to buy on a rolling basis is milk

@fieldsofbutterflies so what do you suggest the OP does then?

Oh this is getting ridiculous.

We've jumped from changing Lurpak to unbranded and a child is in danger of starving or limiting their diet.

t seems that every child with some 'quirks' that may be totally normal and regardless of a proper diagnosis, is being given an ND label. And I say this as someone with a ND child.

Make cutbacks elsewhere, not try and change the limited safe items that she knows her neuro-diverse child is guaranteed to eat.

I've already made suggestions re. dog food and there are loads of other recommendations on here for bulk buying and cheaper sources of protein etc.

You can get a higher return on investment from enabling someone to integrate into the workforce through something like PIP or DLA, than from leaving them to struggle and potentially not getting any tax from them at all.