AIBU to think life is SHIT

[Champers66]

Can’t elaborate much more on that- other than, life is literally shit. ‘Money doesn’t make you happy’ is the biggest pile of shit I’ve ever heard.

I work full time- so does my husband. Our wages haven’t changed (increased) in a long time, I have a trade and I work for a shitty company who pay me literally minimum wage for my job (leaving! Going SE)

m my husband is self employed so some weeks are better than others. We have 2 DC- DS 8 and 6 month.

we pay all our bills every month, with a huge struggle, and are left with nothing. Or bare minimum, and monthly I get emails from suppliers saying they are putting their bills up. Surely there has to be a conflab between them to discuss the fact they are increasing COL but wages stay the same..? I don’t know how they expect people to survive without losing their home, or killing themselves!

I rent- and yes I should have listened to my mum and saved from teenage years, but I didn’t, n now I have absolutely no way of getting on the property ladder. I don’t expect people to subsidise me- of course not- but just feels like the government and companies who provide services we have to pay for (not optional expenses!) are literally doing all they can to ensure they cripple people and their families.

even basic food shopping to feed my kids is unaffordable and I shop at aldi and freeze everything in sight!

I feel sorry for my 2 kids and I actually feel guilty for bringing them into this world. How bad is that.

YABU - it’s my fault I should have made better choices
YANBU - stop the world I want to get off.

It is. So depressing. Hope there is better days for you soon too x

You sound such an insightful and lovely person, the wage stagnation is unbelievable when I think what I could get for my wage 20 years ago. When I had money worries, it was the most stressful time. You do sound resourceful but I think being thankful for a damp house comes to something, doesn't it? Especially when you work hard.

Hearing this makes me so angry. Why are wages so low in this country?
I hope when you go self employed you are much more comfortable.
In the meantime, please don't feel guilty for your wonderful children. They just need love, security, food and a comfortable home. Have fun with them, play games, take them out, have little rituals like movie nights and pancakes for breakfast and they'll remember a wonderful childhood.

@foghead thank you- that does make me feel comfort. I love my kids they are the most amazing little people all by themselves and they keep me going every day. The wages are- not in every career I understand that, and I don’t blame anyone else for my choices, but I do have a trade and I trained hard for it. I’ve done my sums and I do believe going self employed may bring me some more money in each month, so I will try my hardest. I just want something to offer my kids when they are older. And to protect them now.

@ItsallIeverwanted thank you- I do count my blessings, I know it’s not all rubbish lol. But I really do go to bed every evening and pray for more, I vow to work harder and smarter, and even with any extra income I do earn, with overtime, or the odd haircut on a family member, the bills rise and yet again I’m left with nothing. It’s pants! I told my landlord about the damp, and took pictures, he dropped off a ton of ‘damp proof paint’.. great thanks lol

Your last sentence is just not true though.
It all worked out for you, but it won't for everyone.
It's like all those people 'beat cancer' because they didn't 'give up' like all those who do die of cancer have just rolled over and didn't bother.

@Idratherbepaddleboarding I agree- same. No luxuries any more! Sometimes I treat myself to some Philadelphia cheese instead of aldis own soft cheese hahaha

@Champers66 Things are crap at the moment, everything just seems to be going up and up. Your rent seems very reasonable OP, I know you’re saying it’s in a bad state but would you be able to afford anything in the area if you were no longer able to rent from your current landlord? I know you’re on maternity at the moment so things will be tighter than usual but do you not have anywhere you can cut back when working? Also when you say about credit cards, can you keep the interest down by switching to an interest free deal to save you a bit of money on the interest for the next 12-24 months? I feel like I’m drowning at the moment too, we do pay a mortgage (not what you want to hear) on a tiny two bed in SE and drowning in nursery costs right now. Just about scraping by but I am really strict on meal planning and cutting back on children’s clothes making sure I get them on FB marketplace, same goes for any toys. No clothes for me, goes with saying 😂

@Milkmani no we are so lucky to pay 525 as houses In our area of the same standard are 700+, so I know it’s warm, ans safe, and I have got it nice inside.. so I’m blessed for that some people don’t even have a home. I managed to pay my credit cards off just before I went on maternity leave so that was a big relief as I definitely wouldn’t be able to pay those extra bills! I have been selling on Vinted and I did make around £80 on there which was great as I managed to get a week or so worth of food shopping With that. It’s tiring, living is tiring!

It's a nightmare. On paper we should be well off. But we are cutting back on loads, bills keep going up, car is about to die on us, house needs fixing etc etc. I honestly don't know how people on low incomes are coping. You absolutely have my sympathy OP.

It really is hard. Nursery just put the fees up by 12% 😮 and I have worked out when my youngest starts it will be £1200 a month before any government schemes come into play. The tax free element isn't really tax free as you only get £2k a year off the bill (which is better than a slap in the face but still).

The cleaners have put their fees up but I know their bills have gone up as well as ours. It is a hard balancing act. Thought I did well thinking I found two pairs of trousers in the charity shop for £10 each considering what they would be new

You have my sympathy too OP. We are fortunate in that our wages have increased (with more role responsibilities) at a similar rate to bills so we're working harder but so far keeping up with the increases. Like a PP we have known poverty and feel fortunate to be out of that situation, more through luck of opportunities than simply hard work.

Those who say money doesn't buy happiness are correct, but it buys food and warmth. There are lots of people in the fortunate position that they've never not had those things and therefore can't fathom those who don't.

YANBU

We are going to be financially fucked soon and I am terrified. Try not to think about it. Was so careful all my life and one bad decision has fucked everything.

This is likely to be us for life. I don’t see a way back.

-Those who say money doesn't buy happiness are correct, but it buys food and warmth

Oh for goodness sake, it buys a whole load more than this. It enables you to have a social life, to make and keep friends, to pursue hobbies and interests, to have self esteem, to keep physically fit and healthy, to keep mentally and emotionally healthy. It can literally save your life if you need to bypass the failing NHS.

Money absolutely enables people to live lives that make them happy.

This. Only a real dickhead trots our money can’t buy you happiness if you’re struggling.

@Jeevesnotwooster and you mine, as depressing as this sounds, it makes me feel comfort to know I’m not the only one struggling. Hope things look up for you soon x

We feel the same OP life is really bleak and hard right now. I was saying to my DH that I miss being excited for life and feeling upbeat.

My dh works full time - min wage, I work part time (Long 12 hour shifts 3 -4 days a week just above min wage) and used to easily pick up overtime for "fun money" - savings, meals / days out, one 5 day uk break once a year. I was saving to learn to drive.

Now the overtime has gone, work is cutting back on staff, after & breakfast clubs have increased their prices by £2 each session (or £8 more a day for 2 kids) and our little break away has more than doubled in price. We used to pay £400 odd for butlins, August with the food package back In 2019 its now £1,110 for the apartment alone without the food. I simply can't afford to find an equivalent of that price and my wage has increased by all of 20p an hour....which is being ate by everything going up. I find it incredibly stressful and sad I know I should be grateful that we have a roof, heat, can afford to shop on vinted, ebay etc but I'm just sick of not having a choice. It's exhausting and I cant seem to see the light anymore. 😪

I have a lot of money due to an inheritance but we also had the years where we had just enough credit in the power card to keep the freezer on and nothing else. I am in my 4th round of cancer now and it keeps spreading and chemo hasn’t worked. I truly wish I was back in the oowercard days.

YANBU

At this point companies are laughing at us ripping us off because they can.

It's that simple

We have to eat, heat our homes, insure cars, pay rent, put fuel in cars, so they all have us at gun point. The likes of British Gas and Tesco etc making record profits while we all suffer

Anyone who believes it's anything other than pure profiteering needs to give their head a wobble

It makes me so angry

One child, professional careers. We are agenda for change, since the pay deal was originally agreed in 2004 in real terms we are down 15k compared to where we should be.

We aren't struggling as we haven't got the same size house as friends in industry where pay has kept up with inflation we also have one child vs two.

Have you considered a career change OP something along the lines of sales?

It's hard and makes you wonder why you get up on a morning when the pay doesn't reflect reality.

Life is so much harder OP when you have young children. Child care costs loads, and actually raising a child costs a lot, but as they grow up life gets easier, and you can focus more on the work you can do to improve your income. We were poor when ours were little, and I mean poor. Often ran of money before pay day. We rented too. But eventually got on the property ladder at the age of 50, having saved a deposit for a modest house. Could afford holidays and eating out. Mortgage free now due to paying off mortgage with an inheritance. So just hold on in there - this isn’t your life forever. There’ll be peaks and troughs, and life can and does change.

@Whatevershallidowithmylife I’m so sorry to hear this :( and it does put things in to perspective, I know if I could choose between money and health I would choose health and I know you would too, if I could send you healing in a jar I would. I hope you are ok x

@Livelovebehappy this is the way my husband sees it too, I know you’re right, and I hope things do improve, it’s such a shame so many of us are in the same boat- and that is just on this thread I wonder how many others across the uk are the same. X

@sleepyscientist yes I did change careers just after my first DC but then went back to my trade due to covid/flexibility/location. And in hindsight it was my biggest mistake. I really do wish I had left school and chose a different career! Regrets

@Theantsgomarchingtwo bless you- we are the same my first son has only been on holiday once when he was 3, he’s 8 now, overtime isn’t an option for us either, and you’re right, it’s the lack of choice isn’t it- being forced to miss out on bare minimum things of enjoyment just to line the pockets of big companies who don’t care about us. Surely there has to be more to life than this I wish the government would see how bad it’s getting for ordinary people and do something substantial to help. Dreading the 4.9% council tax rise aswell!