Hello.
I'm single, living with my two kids.
Just would like to ask what it looks like to you, as my work coach not much of help. As I've explained my situation when I had my appointment, she offered just to get in touch with womens aid(but i dont need no help?), and asked if we live together - make a joint claim. Before you judge me, hear me out. Long story short,main things -
I've split with my kids dad three years ago. My oldest is 5, and I have a two year old (got pregnant, before I knew, we've split. I kept a baby, my choice). Two years or more I haven't been in contact. I guess I was overwhelmed, angry and selfish? (He was talking to kids only via phone). He got re-married back in his country. Has other kids.
Just recently I am allowing him to stay (I wouldnt allow no contact before that as mentioned before, but I feel guilty forbidding seeing the kids, I felt that he doesn't deserve them), mainly my son is asking to see his dad. So after two years, I'm allowing him to sleep over and spend time with children. My oldest is fully aware that we are not together, nor we sleep together, we have a very diplomatic relationship.
He does not contribute towards household but would bring clothes or sweets to my boys, or dinner that they would make together. He does care about them and contributes generously directly to them (compared how it could be, or what I've heard). No official CM just an agreement. Other than that he doesn't pay for anything else,and would care about his life back in his country. When I work, I allow him to stay a week and then he goes back to his own room, or house for some days, not even sure where he lives or what's the situation, he wouldnt enclose to me. I have address as such but no details. I assume renting a room. Nor it's my business,I don't ask. Now. He has a wife back i his country. So trust me, by no means we're together. I was naive back then, don't need more lessons about this. This is long time ago, healed wounds. We both moved on. He can get a suitcase and dissapear at any time, for what it matters to me. He works here to contribute and build a life back in his country( Id think), sends all his monies there. Situation is appaling but I would not want my sons to think im forbidding the relationship. But there's no easy way here.
The question - would this be classed as I'm commiting fraud? I would not trust him taking my kids over to his place, room or whatever nor around the people he is with, or smells of skunk. He is allowed to see them only in my house, he is allowed to sleep over in their room, with my permission when I'm allowing and arranged with me. Would not allow my children to be taken away, as I wouldn't trust him. Nor i want my kids around his circle. He is not European national. Our relationship and conversation is strictly about children. Nothing else. However selfishly it does help me towards childcare when I'm focusing now to stand back up on my feet.
So, what does it look like regarding uc rules? My work coach not much of a help.
This situation regards kids suits me and I don't want to change it in any way, at the moment. We'll never be living nor as a couple but for the sake of kids we're behaving in a mature way. And this is how I'm set for now. It works for me, even if he flies and visits for two weeks on and off.
But where does it leave me not getting into trouble ? Is there a legal way to go around this? I'm not sure.
Anyone, maybe, by any chance, have been in a similar situation ?