Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Cost of living

Stretching your budget? Share tips and advice to discuss budgeting and energy saving here. For the latest deals and discounts, sign up for Mumsnet Moneysaver emails.

Original poster

Pooling funds

51 replies

forgotname · 30/10/2023 13:51

I'm writing this following reading a few threads where posters do not pool funds/income with significant others and have been slated for it

We are recently married and transfer a set amount into a joint account each month. This covers mortgage, food, shared bills and anything ad-hoc we decide to do including paying off holidays.

We then keep the remaining of our salaries to do what we want. Do most people not do it like this?

Maybe i am biased because i am the bigger earner and more sensible with money... learnt from past mistakes where as OH is quite laid back about when he pays phone bill etc

Just intrigued really...

OP posts:
moozles · 30/10/2023 14:47

I am intrigued by this also...

We have all of our salaries paid into our joint account and then put money into our own accounts for our own spends.

Rainbow1901 · 30/10/2023 16:44

We just pool everything moneywise although it's in different bank accounts. A certain amount is moved to pay household bills and credit cards separately. Some is moved to savings and we both have what we want from whatever is left. We, neither of us worry about who pays what and when as long as it's all paid. Any extra left over at month end is shifted to savings too.
But as a contrast if we need to rein it in because of any large spends such as car etc then we just say so live within our means knowing that we have savings to draw on if necessary.
Ultimately you just do what works for you!!

Original poster
forgotname · 30/10/2023 19:41

So, if for instance you wanted to splurge one month you'd take extra out of the pool? Do you mention it to each other, e.g. seen a nice coat for £200. Does the other party sign it off? x

OP posts:
Soapboxqueen · 30/10/2023 19:58

We pool all of our money. Always have. We have similar spending habits so it's never been an issue. I'm now a SAHP so anything else doesn't really make any sense.

How anyone else splits their money is up to them. Personally I find it exhausting just listening to the ways people split up their bills and cash but I'm not doing it so it doesn't matter.

There are pitfalls to any system used depending on the people involved and what they think is "fair".

Scotstots · 01/11/2023 09:10

We both transfer a set amount each month into a joint account. That covers all joint bills, mortgage, gas and electric, water, kids clubs, school lunches and food etc. The amount left over in our own accounts is to do as we wish with.

caringcarer · 01/11/2023 09:40

DH and I do the same as you OP, but we get roughly similar incomings. I'm a much better saver than he is. I really don't know how but he fritters his own money away. I save up a chunk then gift to 3 DC twice a year. I have simple needs and don't spend much on myself.

gotomomo · 01/11/2023 09:43

When I was married everything was joint except savings which were in my name due to him being a higher rate take payer.

With dp we have separate accounts but as he puts it, it's all our money

yellowlane · 01/11/2023 09:43

Dh and I have never had shared finances and we've been married 15 years. We have responsibility for certain bills each which works out rough 50:50. And child related costs are also split but we're not pedantic. I couldn't and wouldn't want shared finances. I like to be able to spend on my family and myself without having to answer to anyone.

PinkRoses1245 · 01/11/2023 09:49

We do same as you. Would reconsider if kids come along

Lalanbaba · 02/11/2023 19:11

We do like you transfer a set amount as family money. Some stays in each personal account and we can do as we please with that. But we are very open with our finances and talk big purchases even with personal money.

Hitchens · 03/11/2023 15:29

Do whatever works for you and your partner. Some people pool everything together, some keep things totally separate and some do something in-between.

When I was married and we shared a home, we each got paid into our own bank accounts, we would then transfer an agreed amount each into a joint account which covered all of our essential bills/outgoings. We allocate some to joint savings to pay for things that would be for both of us such as holidays, home improvements etc.

Every thing else would keep in separate accounts. We had a loose understanding that each of us would be saving / investing a certain amount each month. The reason for this was that in the scenario where remained together forever we would have this available for whatever we wanted but also being practical in the event our relationship ended we had our own finances at around the same level.

Didn't have any kids, so when we did get divorced it was actually quite easy. I was bought out of the property and that was the only asset we had to settle. We shared any joint savings and then walked away from each other clean.

TimeForACider · 03/11/2023 16:30

I think it’s weird when married couples don’t share their money in a joint account. Then all the things I read on here about one person putting in 60% of their wages and the other 40%. And then couples lending each other money 🙄 Back in the real world, DH and I just have one pot and we spend from it as needed. So much easier. I suspect a lot of couples just don’t trust each other.

Original poster
forgotname · 03/11/2023 17:20

I will continue to do as we are. Wasn't really an option to change, just wanted to be nosey and see how others live Smile

Theres no right or wrong way for me. Just find it weird to have to ask for money on stuff i buy regularly.

Yesterday DH went to take a big scoop out of my face cream... i jokingly said oi thats £50. His eyes popped out his head and said you spent £50 on face cream.... in instances like that i think sharing funds could be an issue...

OP posts:
DNLove · 03/11/2023 17:31

We do same as you. We put equal amount into the joint account for bilIs, mortgages, food, kids, etc I earn more than DP so I pay for childcare and family health insurance on top of that.
We have a joint savings account that comes out of joint.
Personally I prefer to each have our own pot to spend as we wish. I would feel like I couldn't spend 100 on shoes if I was taking from the joint pot if my Oh wasn't doing same.
That was our choice, but everyone is different.

BarbaraofSeville · 04/11/2023 03:54

Well different people do different things, but the way you do it is generally the fairest method with least scope for arguments providing that the split between joint and personal spends is reasonable.

The coat or face cream would come out of personal money and wouldn't be bought unless you have money available, while still meeting your agreed commitment to the joint account. Then if you have the money, then you're free to buy it.

£50 face cream is also not an issue - it's up to you how you spend your personal money. Unless people are taking 'big scoops' of it, it will last months. Compare that to people who buy a coffee on the way to work each day, and get their lunch in Pret or similar, so could easily be spending £10+, which adds up to the cost of your face cream every single week.

Nepmarthiturn · 04/11/2023 04:19

forgotname · 30/10/2023 19:41

So, if for instance you wanted to splurge one month you'd take extra out of the pool? Do you mention it to each other, e.g. seen a nice coat for £200. Does the other party sign it off? x

As an adult, asking someone else for permission to spend two hundred quid?!

Hearmenow23 · 04/11/2023 04:57

We don't have a joint account, but we pool all money. We have a monthly spreadsheet with all outgoings. This includes debt, savings, money for a family bday that month, a nominal amount for phones (if you want flashier, you pay the extra), food etc. What's left is divided by two, and that's your own money to buy £200 coats or whatever. It's really seen us through and makes the most of our income.

Ragwort · 04/11/2023 05:29

I think the key is having similar spending habits .. if one of you is a saver & one a spender it's never going to work, nor if you insist on 'equal' personal amounts. We've been married a long time and always just had one, shared account. Money is the one thing we've never argued over .. we both know our incomings and outgoings, it's obvious how much is in the account and if there's enough for a £200 coat (as per your example) then I would buy it ..if I wanted it ... and the same for my DH if he wanted to buy new golf clubs or whatever. But neither of us counts every penny and insists on having exactly the same money to spend personally.

weddingplans25 · 04/11/2023 05:46

My partner and I share everything in one account, and always have done. We have 2 DCs and own a home together. We earn very similar salaries now, but that's irrelevant to the arrangement between us. When we began, I had just taken on a part time role and my earnings were lower, and a few years later I earned significantly more than my OH when I chose to go full time. I spend money however I like, as does my OH, and neither of us would ever think of questioning/scrutinising the other's spending choices. I can't imagine any other arrangement- we are a team and any earnings are for both of us, regardless of who is earning what.

BarbaraofSeville · 04/11/2023 06:26

it's obvious how much is in the account and if there's enough for a £200 coat

But it's not obvious to everyone and money in an account doesn't necessarily mean that it's available to be spent on a coat.

The types of arrangements talked about by @weddingplans25 and @Ragwort only work if income exceeds all expenditure and spending on X, Y or Z non essentials doesn't impact other priorities including pensions, larger expenditure like car replacement, home improvements, house deposits, holidays etc.

Otherwise you have the electricity DD bouncing or one partner with a nice coat, luxury face cream or a bought lunch each day, while their partner can't afford these things, or even worse inadequate pension provision or needing to get into debt to replace the car etc

Nepmarthiturn · 04/11/2023 06:42

Well, no. Not assuming both people have a vague grip on their budget, how much disposable income is available and the amount and timing of bills and expenses they are jointly responsible for. You know, being a capable adult! Presumably nobody with any sense would propose sharing finances (or marrying, or even taking out a joint mortgage or tenancy, and certainly not having children) with somebody who hadn't yet learned these most basic skills of adult life that many of us had to master as teenagers so in that case the point would be moot and no point in even discussing it. 🤣

Nepmarthiturn · 04/11/2023 06:45

If income does not exceed expenditure then there are some extremely serious problems and new costs would not be remotely on the radar, anyway.

C1N1C · 04/11/2023 06:49

It seems the MN consensus is pool funds if the man earns more than you, don't pool them if you earn more than him (but feel free to moan about him freeloading) and regardless of which way around it is, squirrel money away so if it goes wrong, you'll have a survival fund...

Notnowbernard63 · 04/11/2023 06:53

I think the issues with not looking money are when one person ends up at a significant disadvantage… eg one works part time and therefore picks up the majority (if not all) the unpaid labour. May leave can be an issue also.

I don’t pool Finances with DP but money is not an issue for us and neither would see the other one short… we do have a joint account and ensure it has money left over after bills etc are all paid and think that helps.

weddingplans25 · 04/11/2023 07:01

Nepmarthiturn · 04/11/2023 06:42

Well, no. Not assuming both people have a vague grip on their budget, how much disposable income is available and the amount and timing of bills and expenses they are jointly responsible for. You know, being a capable adult! Presumably nobody with any sense would propose sharing finances (or marrying, or even taking out a joint mortgage or tenancy, and certainly not having children) with somebody who hadn't yet learned these most basic skills of adult life that many of us had to master as teenagers so in that case the point would be moot and no point in even discussing it. 🤣

This!

Swipe left for the next trending thread