Feel so angry with the cost of living

[UnicornBoom]

Before covid I had 10k in savings. Now it's down to just over 1k. It's seen me through until my son goes to school in September, but I'm so angry it's all gone. Childcare fees have been over 1k a month for the past 3 years. My rent is 950. I live in a freezing cold house. I will never be able to go on holiday if things continue like this (I know that's a luxury but it would be nice to take my son on a 'cheap' holiday somewhere). I go to bed every night worrying about money. I'm entitled to social housing but have over 1000 people on the list in front of me and have been told it will be 10 years until I get somewhere. I'm in my early 30s and feel like this is just fucking up all of my plans. I'm frugal but just don't have enough to live comfortably. I'm constantly in tears, and just worry so much about money. Will this ever get better?

Depends what your choices are really - what area you live in, what you spend your money on. Hard to judge as we all have different priorities.

I spend 1000-1100 on childcare and 950 on rent. The rest goes on everyday costs. I get a bit of universal credit. His dad works cash in hand and gives me £9 a week. I haven't bought an item of clothing for myself in over 2 years. I buy all my son's clothes second hand and in charity shops. Just counting down the days until he goes to school.

Sounds like you have a reasonably high income. I'd be looking at moving to make it go further - that's what we did x

Are you and the father not together? What part of the country are you in?

That sounds tough on you and I’m not surprised that you’re fed up. I think your son’s father side-stepping his financial responsibilities is the root problem though tbh.

Are you entitled to UC?

How old is your son now? It sounds like you're not too far from school age if you've been paying childcare for 3 yrs, are you getting the funded childcare hours?

That really sucks but you have an end in sight, September. Would it make you feel better to have a budget plan for when childcare fees end, x amount in savings, x amount in the holiday fund, x amount on a clothes shopping trip?
You could have some treats to look forward to which might make the next few months more bearable

It's the nursery costs that are so disproportionate. September is around the corner, things well ease significantly then.

Don't be down OP, be proud of yourself, you are very nearly there.
Warm weather will arrive in a week or two and your house won't be freezing any more.
Your ds will go to school in September and your childcare bill will drop. You'll be able to build up your savings again. Life will be much less of a strain.

Plan a purchase for yourself in October, a new winter coat maybe.

The toddler stage is always the most expensive and challenging, and you've succeeded without help from your ex. Well done. 🤗

@MintJulia What a nice post! She’s right Op. You are right in the middle of the hardest time and it WILL get better for you. It’s so difficult for you, but you’re almost there. I don’t have advice to offer you, sorry, other than, hang in there.

Your problem is the deadbeat dad not the economy or cost of living really. If he was paying 50% of raising the cost of the child, 50% of the child care bill even you would be ok. I'm not saying things aren't more expensive but your issue is more specific

Is there any way of getting him to take more responsibility eg him paying for or providing childcare 50/50 ? That would mean you could save

usernamealreadytaken · Yesterday 22:07
Depends what your choices are really - what area you live in, what you spend your money on. Hard to judge as we all have different priorities.

But that's nonsensical.

The OP can't ''choose'' to ignore the fact that we have ridiculously high energy bills, a housing crisis everywhere in the country and high transports costs at the moment.

Everyone lis affected.

You can't just ''choose'' not to pay your extortionate gas bill, private rent or your ever increasing council tax....

The point the OP is making is that the cost of living crisis is making life difficult for most of us, no matter how careful people are with their money.

I doubt she would be able to make her childcare or housing cheaper.

Are you getting the childcare help from UC? They pay up to 85 percent to a certain amount assuming you are working. You ex isn't paying enough either.

I think this has been the norm for a long time - not just in recent years - for people paying childcare for pre-school children.
Childcare is expensive.

But the good thing is that the expensive bit does only last for a short period, and OP is almost out of it if her DC starts school in a few months.

You've mentioned you receive UC. This might be a stupid question but are you claiming your childcare costs through UC? They pay 85% up to something like £650 a month of childcare costs.

I don't disagree. I have a restraining order against him and he's not allowed to see ds.

This is unsustainable. Your savings are funding this, but can't long term.

Are you receiving the 30 funded hours for childcare? Our bills were really high but now we get the 30 funded hours it’s helped a lot. Still paying around £300 a month for 3 x 10 hour days at childminders and 1.5 days at preschool.

Yes this.
I see you've already addressed it OP and completely not blaming you - as a country and government we are responsible for letting shit absent parents (although let's face it 99% of the time it's the dad) get away with not paying sufficient child support so it's left to the responsible parent or tax payers (or both) to cover for them.

Yes you would still be affected by COL as the vast majority of people are but it wouldn't be to such an extent..

Agree with the pp saying it is not so much a CoL crisis as a lack of proper support from the father of your child.
Who will be the father of my children really is the most important choice of a woman’s life, I am so sad your choice turned out to be a dud.

Aren’t you claiming tax credits/universal credit for your childcare costs? Or at least tax free childcare?

It wasn't a choice, really don't want to go into it. But it wasn't a choice. But yes he should have to pay more.