Don't want to live like this anymore....

[naughty40me]

I've totally had enough.

Been through so much pain the past 8/10 years. Battled on and on.

Got evicted last year with a no fault section 21.

Now rehomed on council estate. Its ok but not the best place.

I've got friends asking me to go out, they don't have children, they don't understand how poor I am.
I have two teens who take up all my time and energy and money.

I am long term ill with many underlying conditions. I'm trying. Got a part time job even though it's physically hurting me to do it.

Kids don't see their dad.

I'm counting pennies constantly.

We are lucky we can eat and have a roof etc but there is no treats, no days out, no holidays...

Everyone around us seems to have this nice life and we don't.

I'm just existing in pain 24/7.

I love my children but once they grow up and leave there is nothing for me.

I'm so depressed and hurt. I've always tried my best and done the right thing but I've ended up like this.

It's just not fair on the kids and it breaks my heart that they have this awful life.

I’m sure they don’t have an awful life!!
Can you claim PIP or limited capability for work??

I am sure you are doing your best.Do your DC receive free school meals because in the holidays there are free events with a free meal These events are quickly taken but lots of days out,activities.which would be enjoyable.

Firstly you are doing a really great job, you are doing your best under difficult circumstances. You have a home, your children love you and you clearly love them. You work so you are showing your kids a great work ethic. When they grow up they will still be yours, they will still love you and want you in their lives. You are setting them a good example of trying to do the right thing and that working is the right thing. On a practical note, please contact the CAB to check that you are claiming everything you should, ask if there are any organizations that could support you and provide your kids with days out etc. Or clubs they could join. If you feel you need to talk, there is always Mumsnet, or the Samaritans if it's all too much. Please don't talk yourself down, you are a fighter and that counts for a lot. Take care and a hug.

Thank you.

You don't know how much I needed to hear that!

I am a fighter and I always get back up but some says are so bloody hard!

I have depression anyway, and have done for 30 years but I have a very good crisis team and an excellent GP.

I'm probably too hard on myself. Compare myself to social media which I know is a load of rubbish most of the time.

It's just hard. They're dad has money and goes on holidays abroad but he doesn't take these. It's so sad.

But they are fed and clothed and both high achievers at school. I am very proud.

I want the best for them.

I just always feel like a failure because I was a grade A student but life circumstances changed everything.

I often feel judged.

I hate being ill and taking all the medications I do but I am only early forties and I refuse to be held back and stay in bed all day. But each day is a fight and some days its all just too much.

Financially I will be a bit better off once my social fund loan is repaid.

We were given a council house but it was filthy and no flooring.

So I had to take out a loan to carpet it.

Used any savings I had on removal costs.

Thank you all for your kind words.

It means a lot.

But they are fed and clothed and both high achievers at school. I am very proud.

It sounds like you're doing a sterling job to me. Not having money absolutely sucks balls but when you're feeling a bit brighter, maybe plan some things to look forward to that are free/very low cost. Having something to be excited about keeps me going.

Your kids sound amazing, and you know where they got it from??

YOU!!!!

Huge hug here for you Op.

Firstly, you didn't give up when being evicted, you got you and your DC's a roof over your heads. You carpeted it, and with your furniture, you created a home, a secure home that enabled your DC's to continue to achieve as they do. You ARE giving them the best you can. Bloody Well Done YOU!

Pain is debilitating, I know that as have a chronic condition myself. But over the years I have tried various meds, going back to the doc each time one hasn't worked, or my body got too used to one, so at the moment I can only function and focus on what I want to do, no matter how small it is.

You need your meds to work, to help you work with less pain - get to your GP , grit your teeth and don't let them off the hook until you're satisfied.

I know somedays its all too much - I allow myself a 10 minute wail and much swearing, then take a deep breath, make a brew, and focus on what I can do.

Stuff the dad - it's what you have done and continue to do for your DC's that matters.....and they will know that too. Another Bloody Well Done You.

And, comparison is the thief of joy, so Stuff social media too, and stuff everyone elses 'perfect' lives, because they just ain't y'know.

Oh and stuff the judgemental arses whoever they are, what do they know? Their opinion ain't worth a light!

Take it one day, one hour, one minute at a time. Every smile or hug from your DC is priceless and full of love for you, as they know, they KNOW that YOU love them and are doing your utmost best for them.

You're doing fabulously, just keep on keeping on, one tiny, miniscule step at a time.

Gosh, you lot, you are lovely on here!

OP, listen to them you've got ti's. I'm listening !

Just absolutely all of the above especially @ssd and all the wonderful, empathetic things that have been said already.

It doesn’t matter what other people are doing (and SM is mainly bs) it’s whether you are doing the best you can with what you have, for the circumstances you are in etc - and you so clearly are.

Being resilient is a massive PITA because it means you keep on going even when it is so, so hard and sometimes you wonder if there’s any point or when it’s going to stop being so bloody hard… Sometimes it just feels as though no one SEES how hard your having to work just to get through a day, and everyone else thinks you’re “normal” when you are barely managing… but still you keep going.

Your children sound amazing and they will have incredible life skills to bring to their adulthood that you have taught them. At some point almost all of us have to deal with really difficult periods and being able to keep going when the chips are down is an invaluable skill.

It’s worth considering contacting your GP to ask about social prescribing if nothing else. I’m not sure if it’s a service on offer nationwide, but some GPS do it and I personally found it a really helpful service - it helped me feel less alone just to have someone notice and to know there was a place to ask for help.

💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐

Thank you all!! I'm not sure how to tag people! Lol...

It helps to know I'm not the only one.

Living with constant pain is just soul destroying but we all plough on don't we cos that's what us mums do.

I get lonely being single 8 years but I've neither the energy or inclination to have to deal with a man on top of everything else. Been there done that.

But it does get hard. Especially when I have hospital appointments and I'm forever alone.

My DC are great.

There can be typical teenage grunts at times 🙄😆 but overall we have some laughs and I'd be totally lost without them.

Eldest is taking GCSEs in a few weeks.

Another reason I bidded on everything I possibly could to get moved and settled before 2023 began.

I lived in fear of being in a b&b which would have been terrible for him.

At least now he has a quiet workspace and is settled.

House needs a LOT of work but I got the living room painted and carpeted in time for Xmas. It destroyed me physically but I had to do it.

Got their bedrooms carpets too and the stairs.

My room, dining and bathroom are still bare floorboards but whatever.

I honestly don't know how families in hostels and using food banks cope.

I thank my lucky stars everyday that we have a home and food to eat. It's tight but do able.

My love goes out to anyone struggling in any way. Cost of living is affecting us all in some way isnt it.

If you're children are interested in going to university, please don't think you can't afford it - Google what Martin Lewis days about the value of taking out a student loan - if they never earn a higher than average wage, they never pay it back. If they do well financially, it's just a graduate tax that is manageable.

Have a look on your council’s website. There is usually a section about grants and companies that provide them.
it’s worth applying to see if any can help towards the rest of the flooring you need.

I've been where you are, a new single parent, skint, stuck on a council estate now knowing anyone. Can you find activities that are free? I used to go to activities at out local library, knit & natter, crafting, coffee mornings, just to get to know someone & not be sat staring at four walls. Moneywise Martin Lewis & moneysavingexpert.com was my saviour, I learned so much about ways I could save & make money, I found help about benefits, special offers, reclaiming money & just how to manage the small amount I had coming in. Ds was 6 when I left his dad & is now 19, he doesn't have bad memories of when we were first on our own, he laughs about when we had to play hide & seek from the bailiffs at the door (that's how bad it was at times) & how we lived on frozen chips, beans, £1 pizzas & breakfast cereal. Like he says we had a home filled with love even though we had no money.

If you are disabled, have you applied for PIP? are you on UC? you may be able to claim a budgeting loan to help you get your home sorted or your council may have floor covering packs that you pay a small addition to your rent for. I found stuff on Facebook Marketplace, I got things like sidetables, a TV cabinet & bookshelves for peanuts, a sanding, a coat of paint & new handles, they look brand new. Could you look for roll ends, even if they don't fit get them whipped to use as rugs until you can afford full carpets.

I am sorry to hear that you are going through such a difficult time. It sounds like you have been dealing with a lot of challenges over the past few years, and it's completely understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.

I want to acknowledge how strong and resilient you are for continuing to push forward despite all the obstacles you've faced. It takes a lot of courage and determination to keep going when everything seems to be against you.

It's important to remember that you are not alone. There are many people who are going through similar struggles, and it's okay to reach out for help and support. It's great that you have friends who are asking you to go out, even if they may not fully understand what you're going through. It's important to take time for yourself and do things that bring you joy, even if they are small things.

You are doing an amazing job taking care of your children, even in the midst of difficult circumstances. They are lucky to have a parent who loves them and is willing to do whatever it takes to provide for them.

Sounds like you are doing an amazing job despite very difficult circumstances. Well done you!!

Hi OP, just wanted to say I've been exactly where you are, although children slightly older now, all early 20's.

Unfortunately my health has deteriorated and I am now bedbound, and it's so bloody hard. I'm in constant pain and can't even do something to distract myself from it. I'm on UC and PIP and struggling financially as well.

If you'd ever like a chat just message me, you'd be more than welcome, I understand what a lonely life this is.

Hugs. 💐