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Cost of living

Stretching your budget? Share tips and advice to discuss budgeting and energy saving here. For the latest deals and discounts, sign up for Mumsnet Moneysaver emails.

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Original poster

Burying my head in the sand

27 replies

Ohmywhat · 19/02/2023 10:25

How do you get out of the cycle of ignoring or putting off financial problems? I'm so anxious it's just getting worse and worse and I can't function.

Just to say, things aren't catastrophic, we eat and and afford a decent standard of living. But I keep ignoring problems and it's unnecessary.

Right now it's our electricity bill (I do electricity, DH does gas) I haven't been able to log in to my account and see what we owe (I'm talking years) the direct debit is getting higher and higher and I've no idea what we owe.

I tried to sort it this morning but I can't (phone lines closed and live chat unavailable) and now I've just hit crisis point and can't stop crying.

Can someone just talk to me? Tell me it will be OK please.

OP posts:

midnightOK · 19/02/2023 10:28

The energy company is monitoring your direct debit to reflect your usage, so I think you don't need to worry too much here. They won't let you owe them a huge debt.

MissMarplesbag · 19/02/2023 10:32

www.moneysavingexpert.com/

Have a look on money saving expert and educate yourself on managing your finances.

Original poster

Ohmywhat · 19/02/2023 10:50

Thank you, I hope you're right that we won't have a massive debt. The worry is all consuming though.

I don't think it's actually a money problem I have, more anxiety one.

OP posts:

Teresa777 · 19/02/2023 10:52

Agree with PP, spend some time on the MSE website, especially the forums, there are so many people on there that are in the same boat as you (and a million times worse). Taking financial control of your life will have such a positive impact on your wellbeing and anxiety.

Original poster

Ohmywhat · 19/02/2023 12:00

OK thank you, I'll take a look. It's so physically exhausting and really having an impact on my health.

OP posts:

Sunriseinwonderland · 19/02/2023 12:05

Classic symptom of anxiety, not being able to face things like this.
Have you considered trying some medication.
I've always suffered from bill anxiety so I go upstairs, get the paperwork out and Make myself do it.
Its worth the anxiety and stress because afterwards you just feel fantastic and wonder what all the fuss was about. There is generally nothing to worry about.
My gas bill had gone up quite a lot, I decided to pay off a lump sum £180 and go for lower monthly direct debits, you don't have to but it was a difference of £30 a month off the DD. Electricity had hardly gone up at all.

Original poster

Ohmywhat · 19/02/2023 12:14

I've been to the GP several times about my anxiety, they just give me the number for talking therapies. I've done CBT and it didn't work.

OP posts:

roarfeckingroarr · 19/02/2023 13:11

Get some medication, even in short term. Sertraline has turned me from head in sand anxious mess to able to cope with life and be on top of things.

BarbaraofSeville · 19/02/2023 14:44

Second the advice to look at moneysavingexpert.com

Also. Maybe the way you split the bills with your DH isn't working for you. How about you pool some of your money for joint costs and go through your bills together? A problem shared and all that?

Original poster

Ohmywhat · 19/02/2023 16:29

The bills do come out of a joint accoint which we contribute equally too. But the actual bills are in separate names. He has the log in for gas, I was supposed to do electricity.

OP posts:

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 19/02/2023 18:27

Are you on smart meters or traditional meters?

Original poster

Ohmywhat · 19/02/2023 18:56

Traditional meters

OP posts:

AlmostSpring2023 · 19/02/2023 19:04

Ohmywhat · 19/02/2023 16:29

The bills do come out of a joint accoint which we contribute equally too. But the actual bills are in separate names. He has the log in for gas, I was supposed to do electricity.

@Ohmywhat

what's the reason for doing it like that? Coukd DH not do the bills & you do cleaning out the Guinea pugs or something. Sharing the household jobs is one thing, splitting them like this is odd, especially as they get paid from a joint account.

Try not to worry about the actual bill, you're paying DD you shouldn't owe them loads!! Can you deal with it tomorrow??

Springintoabetterlife · 19/02/2023 19:37

It maybe that you are due a rebate. Have you taken a meter reading to submit?

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 19/02/2023 19:38

If you have smart meters they'll send your usage over automatically and they'd of been adjusting your DD accordingly to your usage so I wouldn't worry at all.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 19/02/2023 20:38

When did you last take a meter reading or when did someone last come out to do one?

Original poster

Ohmywhat · 20/02/2023 13:57

Ahhhh and relax!

OK so I spent a good 1.5hrs on the phone but I'm all sorted. My online account had been automatically made for me since I hadn't done it and with an email address I haven't used in 10 years.

Anyway, balance was £507 which I've paid off today to start a fresh and DD is set at £156 as per our expected usage.

I did cry on the phone, I was just so anxious by the whole thing but my goodness they were so unbelievably kind with me, the agent even did breathing exercises with me, bless her.

OP posts:

Teresa777 · 20/02/2023 14:06

Ah this is amazing! Well done for tackling it.

Okunevo · 20/02/2023 14:34

Have you given them a reading or is it based on an estimate? Do you have access to your online account now?

Original poster

Ohmywhat · 20/02/2023 14:40

Yes and no.

I have the email address and password rest but the website is down at the moment. I will submit a meter reading when it's back working. It should be fairly accurate though, we've lived here for 16 years.

OP posts:

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 22/02/2023 21:50

Fabulous and £507 debit isn’t too bad

catskittens · 23/02/2023 01:51

well done op glad that has lightened your shoulders

daisychain01 · 25/02/2023 05:18

Ohmywhat · 19/02/2023 12:00

OK thank you, I'll take a look. It's so physically exhausting and really having an impact on my health.

You sound like you're having to cope with your financial anxiety alone. Isn't your DH being supportive to you? He should be the first person to be by your side.

And, being candid about it, if not why not?

lljkk · 25/02/2023 06:34

Well done, OP. You can do this.

Original poster

Ohmywhat · 25/02/2023 08:52

daisychain01 · 25/02/2023 05:18

You sound like you're having to cope with your financial anxiety alone. Isn't your DH being supportive to you? He should be the first person to be by your side.

And, being candid about it, if not why not?

Show quote history

I don't have financial anxiety, I have generalised anxiety disorder. Everything makes me anxious! My husband is very supportive but there's some things I have to do for myself, he can't do everything for me, that would make things worse.

I refuse to be beaten by this and treated like a child. I've done it now and feel good about it. And next time I get anxious again I will probably have another meltdown but I will fix it again myself.

OP posts:

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