Friends just don't get it

[trampoline123]

I'm getting so sad keep explaining to friends that we can't afford to do all the activities and holidays.

We've got 2 toddlers so their childcare swallows one salary, survive on the other.

To keep afloat I have to track EVERY single penny and financially plan ahead just to pay our bills. There's never anything left over for leisure. To buy clothes for the boys I have to sell their old stuff or mine on vinted and buy off there.

We have a few weddings and hen and stags for close friends this year. On top of that 2 friends have asked them to go and see them where they live abroad - accommodation would be free and they say they will pay out flights which I don't really feel comfortable with. Even if they did we still have to factor in petrol to get to the airport, parking, food/drink, activities when we are there and it just all adds up doesn't it.

Feel like I repeat my self over and over that we can't afford it. I know they are being kind but people just don't get it.

My priority is keeping us afloat for now.

We also have to move in Nov so need to save for a new rent deposit as we don't have one on our current place.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who feels like this?

Of course you’re not the only one like this. The difficulty is that your friends aren’t understanding. We live on a low income and the most I can ever afford to do socially is go for a coffee at Costa! (And there’s plenty of people who can’t even afford that). There’s no way I could afford to go to a hen do etc but thankfully I only have 2 friends and they’re as broke as me!

I'm just being real now and explaining just how skint we are in the hopes they properly realise.

They know we struggle but I don't think they fully appreciate how much and how much we are sacrificing to stay afloat.

It's hard when your friends are on a different level than you. I never minded being a broke student or a broke backpacker because all my friends were in the same boat! It's difficult not to compare when everyone else seems to have it easier.

Bless you - you're doing absolutely the right thing by being frugal and living within your means, no matter how difficult that is. I understand how you feel - my daughter has a child in nursery, and although we help a couple of days a week, it's still a big expense. And you have two little lovelies in nursery.

Just remember, this is actually a brief time in the general scheme of things - once they go to school it will ease for you financially. You are absolutely doing the right thing by carrying on working and also not racking up loads of credit. It's hard and I sympathise, but you will come out the other side in a few years and you've absolutely got your priorities right.

Are you sure you're claiming absolutely everything you can for nursery under the Government scheme, or are they still too young?

That's such a nice message and reaffirmed I'm doing the right thing and know it's only temporary.

Yes, we get all the help we can - they are both under 2 and a half and go to a childminder as that's cheaper too.

It's ok and I'm enjoying being more frugal, we're the lucky ones as we have our boys.

Glad you're feeling better - aren't little boys the absolute best? I've got our grandson tomorrow - he's three and an absolute joy - so funny!

I feel for you. I remember the years like that. Selling one lot of clothes to buy them their next lot. And people not understanding that even tiny extras were too much.
Keep going, once the expensive childcare years are out of the way it gets much easier.

And the nice bit is that toddlers /preschoolers don't need expensive trips away to have fun. They will be happy with trips to the park and playing at home. I have such happy memories of those years despite money being tight. It was an adventure to try a new playground

It sounds as though they live very differently, probably don’t have children?
There’s absolutely no shame in saying we can’t afford it. You’re, rightly, putting your family first.

Yes, they're great and provide ALL the entertainment we need.

That's right, most don't have children, or if they do they have help with childcare so don't have that as an expense.

I have a friend like this. I don’t have kids but we have had tight times. I remember meeting her at a designer shop she was in and her saying ‘these handbags are only £250 you have to get one!’ She bought 3. I said ‘I can’t afford that!’ Her reply was ‘what do you mean you can’t afford it?’ I actually didn’t know how to make it any clearer 🤷🏻‍♀️

She is mortgage fee and has a lot of savings and was happy interest was going up, I said we might not be able to keep our house if that happens and she said ‘well you won’t be homeless you can get yourself wee beds it or flat!’ I don’t want a bed sit/flat, I’ve five that and I’ve worked hard to get a house put in the years etc. she didn’t seem to realise that what sounded great for her was a massive blow to others.

People don’t understand, even family. Remember being on maternity and brassic. DM was insulted we didn’t go on holiday with her but went with the in-laws who paid for us. We did not have the money to go ourselves, plain and simple. She could have paid for us but wouldn’t, on principle. What can you do?

That's it, you can never win so best to keep your end goal in mind and focus on that.