Can't stop spending

[mammawho]

I need advice on how to stop spending all of my money in one go!!

Every payday is the same. After bills & mortgage etc, I am left with around £350.

I blow nearly all of that money in about a week. I spend it on coffee's & food, but most of it is spent on clothes and I don't even know what else to be honest but it just seems to disappear.

I am very, very impulsive (only when it comes to shopping), but I will go through a week of feeling like I NEED to buy loads of things. It's like I can't stop myself.

Every month I think right, this is the month where I manage to make my wages last over a month and I just can't do it. I then just struggle on for the next few weeks. My partner lends me money towards the end of the month and I always pay him back but then I'm left with less money next the next month and then repeat.

Any advice??

Only pay in cash.

When you see physical money being handed over you think about if you really want/need something more carefully

Can you put it into an account you don't have access to then set up a weekly standing order for the amount you're ok with spending? Maybe only your partner has the online banking log in until you get into better habits?

Cash could be a good idea as I imagine a lot of what you are buying is online?
Decide what you can expect to spend over the month. Draw it out in cash and put it into weekly envelopes.

If you want to buy something expensive online you would need to save a week or two weeks money and pay it back in to your account.

Go into your emails and unsubscribe to emails from shops etc.

When you say you spend on coffees and food, is this £350 including supermarket shops or is that included in bills?

If this doesn’t include food costs - then give yourself a £5 a working day budget. As others have said, at in cash. Think in advance how you will spend your £5 and earn it first - so if you want lunch out on Friday, that means you don’t buy coffees etc in the week. Also book mark in your phone the clothes you want - if you see them in a shop don’t buy straight away. Last week of the month before payday is treat week. That week, if you’ve stuck to £5 a day and not overspent, you have £200 left to treat yourself to the things you want. That’s hair cut week etc. spend the rest of the month planning how to spend your £200 and see if you can get to that week still with that money left.

There’s a saying from Rich dad, Poor dad always pay yourself first by which they mean, always put your money into your savings your pension. Whatever is really important to you do that at the same time as you pay your bills, you are paying yourself. Whatever you have is leftover, why shouldn’t you spend as you please?

Definitely withdraw all excess in cash and only spend it in person. Knowing you can still have the jumper/shoes/whatever you like, you just have to go into the actual shop to purchase it, means you don’t have the psychological battle of being denied and then wanting more. However, it also becomes much more harder to buy stuff when yo

When you buy clothes, are you going around the shops impulse buying or ordering online?

Might you have ADHD? I do, and impulsive spending was an awful consequence. Diagnosis and treatment has been brilliant.

The other things I've found is that selling stuff brings the same high and buying! Get yourself on Vinted!

Rather than your OH lending you money can he save £100 for you and he can give you it back the week before payday if you need?

Because OP is blowing the entire money in the first week. So what's she meant to live off? How would she cope alone? To spending every single month like this OP is likely buying things she doesn't actually need or can afford.

Remove all your online shopping apps and unsubscribe from emails 😀

Only buy clothes from charity shops. You'll save money and still get the spending and new clothes fix

Give yourself an allowance of 50 or 60 quid a week. Put the rest into savings for a rainy day fund.

If you shop online, unsubscribe from all emails and delete apps. If in person shopping - just don’t go and try and do something else. Give yourself a certain amount of cash per week. I only have a nice coffee and lunch out in Friday. Can you discuss with your partner and ask them to not lend you money?

I use this budget:

www.moneyhelper.org.uk/en/everyday-money/budgeting/budget-planner And work out my incoming/outgoings. And save for the big expenses.

Work out how much you have for the month for spending, and divide it into how much for each day/weeks.

Have 3 accounts. One for bills, one for savings and one for day to day use.

If you're online spending, put things in the basket and make yourself wait 24-48 hours before buying. Half the time the basket is empty when you go back to it. The other times you've had time to think and decide not to bother!

Use YNAB.
35 day free trial. It will turn your finances around. You are making choices with your money. YNAB helps to see the reality of those choices & plan better.

Now l used to be like this. I had a degree in Fashion, taught it, and felt l needed to ‘look the part’

Ebrntually bit by bit l weaned myself off. I don’t know how. Just bought a bit less every month. Then one month bought nothing. That was🤯.

Now l never fritter. I have a splurge on winter shoes and that’s it. I enjoy hoarding my money now instead of my clothes.🐉

It can be done.

I could have wrote your post myself OP. I'm completely terrible with money and have the "treat yourself" mindset on payday, I live like a Saudi Prince for the first week then I'm completely skint for the next three and go cap in hand to my partner for a bank transfer and around and around this goes.

I do find if I'm paying cash I'm better with money, I try and take out X amount every week and make it last. I think twice before splurging when I can see how much cash I actually have.

I'm following this post with interest, and in the hope I can get some tips myself!

Grow up?

Thank you so much for the suggestions.

@LimeCheesecake The 350 is left over after paying everything. I don't need to pay any food or bills etc out of it.

@Yourloss I spend mainly online but if I go to the shops on payday, I find that I do splash out about £50 straight away.

@SteveBuscemisRheumyEye I actually looked up ADHD a couple of months ago and had a lot of the symptoms! I also find I get incredibly impulsive after having a coffee but I can't bear the thought of giving up coffee yet with 2 young kids.

I think I'm going to have to put some of my wages in to my partners spare account and ask him to set up a direct debit of £60 a week.

I have tried the cash idea and while it did work great for about a week, I found a lot of places I went to wouldn't take cash and then I'd see things online and it all just went to pot.

I have just unsubscribed from all of my shop emails which I know will definitely help.

Thank you for the finance apps/links - o will look in to these too :).

Use cash as suggested. As you are buying clothes constantly get everything out of the wardrobe/drawers and make a list of what you have. Either on your phone or paper, whichever works best for you. X number of sweaters, X jeans etc

When you are tempted to by clothes check your list, you’ll see that already have enough.

Unsubscribe from marketing emails and delete card details from Amazon/other sites.

If you have to pay with cards for some things, then another option is to have a small note book in your bag and pen at all times - if you buy anything on your card -coffee, sandwich etc - you write it down and you keep a running total for the day. So rather than taking £10 out for the day, you keep a total going. You monitor it all and as you buy that coffee, you make yourself write it down and see what todays/this week’s total is.

have a daily and weekly budget as well, and keep it small - then you can see youve just spent £4.70 so have £5.30 left today. Yesterday you spent £11 so todays budget is £9.

have a treat mentally lined up for the end of the month “if I have £100 left on 20th when I get paid on 25th, I’ll buy this dress.” Don’t buy that dress before your deadline !

Come and join us on the no spend January thread.

a bit of planning for the month to reduce food budget & take temptation out the way by preparing gifts for January birthdays in December etc

then hopefully have money left in the bank on 31st January and a big reset on spending