Extremely worried about ‘future’ finances - irrationally?

[cheapertorent]

For reference, both FT workers combined income 55k soon rising to 60 and if OH continues to progress then possibly 70 in 5 years time.

I never went without growing up and my parents always gave me and my sister everything. We lived in a large house, in a nice area (times obviously different now and their house is worth 5x what they paid for it - great news for them thanks to inflation) and went on a few short haul holidays a year.

I don’t know why I am constantly anxious about money. I watch the news too much, I think. I obsess over future budgets for all hypothetical situations and worry there won’t be enough money, and picture myself feeling upset having to put food and essentials back in the supermarket or having to wear shoes with holes in, not getting a simple hair cut or find my car breaks and I just have to go without and get the bus. I always have to get extra pasta and rice in the supermarket, for example, so I never go hungry and there will always be something for us to eat. My partner’s job would never be under threat and mine is secure as can be. I have convinced myself if we want nice holidays, nice lifestyle and to never go without that we can only have one DC. Despite feeling this way about everything I am not spending less, in fact almost spending more to stockpile as said before.

Logically I know this is ridiculous and might seem narrow minded and selfish when there are people who are really struggling. I am acutely aware and always make sure to donate/add things to the food bank, but it doesn’t reduce my own worry however irrational it may be. I feel very guilty for feeling this way in fact, when I can imagine how horrid some peoples situations are. We don’t drink, smoke or have expensive hobbies but do enjoy holidays (on an absolute budget) when we can.

Does anyone else feel this way at the moment and what are your triggers? Think turning the news off is a good start for me.

I stopped watching the news in covid. It’s life changing

I think you’re right to consider it all to a point and to make sensible cost saving decisions so that you don’t waste money. However, it sounds to me as though you’re disproportionately anxious about it. Ask yourself where is the actual evidence that that may happen to you - don’t base it on the media stories, as that is the state of the economy as a whole and isn’t taking into account your financial circumstances. Make yourself a future savings account which you put a sensible amount into and leave it be so you’ll always know you’ve got a pot there to fall back on. Meanwhile switch the news and social media off and just enjoy what you have. It’s easier said than done but catastophising is unhelpful.

I do this, even though we have what I think would be considered a high household income.

following with interest as I’d like to know ways to stem my anxiety

I have found myself doing the same feeling increasingly anxious about it all when we have relatively low outgoings compared to our income
stopping watching the news and social media is a good idea I think I will try it

Having lived through recessions, I don't think some concern is irrational - I've seen people with very comfortable lifestyles have to downsize. However, it's people worse off than you who will suffer in the main. I've been in that category, and, since digging myself out, have done what I can to avoid sliding back.

I would definitely cut back on any money spending that isn't essential and doesn't bring any joy. So keep the holidays, but pay as little as you can for the likes of insurances and utilities. Keep a good food store but only what you're going to use in weeks rather than storing for months - that's what shops are for.

And have savings - I don't know what the advice is now, but I remember being told to aim for six months salary, so that if the absolute worst happens, you have time to regroup. But whatever is a sensible amount, take steps towards saving it.

Think about the work you do, the income it generates and whether you want to be doing it in 10, 20 etc years time. And whether it's likely you'll be able to - if not, think about what you can do to prepare for a change.

Then, when you have done what you can, try to ignore the doom and gloom and enjoy what you have and what you do.

I also do this and we are what MN would call a high-income household.

Part of it is to do with high outgoings, although they are lower than might appear; it is seemingly impossible to have “no spend days” as there is always something needing to be paid. Part is having an unexpectedly sick relative and the financial costs of that - petrol, hospital parking and all the incidentals. And the general cost of living increase, including mortgage rates which have resulted in an additional £400 pcm and will increase more as the rates peak.

I’m counter-acting it by being more frugal with not buying anything, not using the heating and so on, but it’s the lack of control that’s getting to me! I have found spending time thinking about it, reading about it and getting ideas to maximise money/minimise spending actually helps, as I have an action plan - but I do need to set a limit or I’ll be dwelling on it all the time. I’m aware of my relative state and what others are having to do but that doesn’t help my own anxiety at being squeezed all over the place

The first thing to do for peace of mind is to set an emergency fund of 6m of your take home pay to provide an emergency cushion. This will protect you if one of you lost your job, went off sick or you had a major roof or boiler repair. This will be FAR more useful than an extra 20 packets of pasta if the shit hits the fan, and takes up far less time, space, waste and mental energy. If you make sensible pension contributions now you are safeguarding your future.

Have you tried a budgeting method to give you a sense of daily control over your money? This will help you see where your money sits, what you are spending on and allows you to compartmentalise your money for different goals. I have used YNAB for years, and wouldn't be without it.

I used to be a bit like you, but the origins of my behaviour were a scarcity mindset from not having enough as a child.

The truth is, there will always be a risk of economic insecurity, as we've seen with the biggest market crashes and covid. Outside of having your 6m buffer there is little you can do to foresee/plan for this so imo, worrying is a waste of time.

Regarding the general economic forecast re stagnant wages, energy prices, CoL increases, inflation, your best protection is also to have your 6m cushion, but have plans as to where you could cut your discretionary spending if you needed to. Keep up to date at work, keep your skills fresh and be open to opportunities to increase your income and take promotions if you feel this is the right thing to do. Once I felt in control in my career I stopped worrying that I would suddenly be made destitute if I lost my job. My reasonable worst case scenario as the primary wage earner is that I get sick (6 months full pay, 6 months half pay, critical illness insurance if things were very bad, death in service and life insurance policies if the worst should happen), and I've done everything I can to mitigate this and therefore no point in spending any more time worrying.

Going without or doing everything on a shoestring when you don't need to is a miserable way to live. You deserve (and can afford) to have the things you want. This will require a mindset change. You could start by putting your extra store cupboard spends into a savings account.

I don't think you need to worry so much - I've been a professional craftsperson for my whole career and my daily life pretty much is what you worry yours may become and I'm quite happy!! Yes of course it would be nice to have a little bit extra, but actually having less money makes you spend much more carefully which is better for our planet, and you appreciate things much more when you do save up to buy them 🙂

Compared to me you are absolutely minted. Stop worrying.

I think watching the news too often stokes up far too much anxiety and should be kept to a minimum.

In the pandemic people had health anxiety I think that has now morphed into financial anxiety for many.

Ironically my savings account is higher than ever ( still not loads) but I'm more worried due to COL general doom

I don't agree with stopping watching the news - that's just avoidance but doesn't tackle the root cause or address your disproportionate anxiety.

The issue in your post is you are afraid of being poor. As you have money currently you could have counselling to find out why.

Maybe you see being poor as personal failure, maybe you see it as shameful, maybe you see money as power, people have so many psychological issues around money.

Being poor is tough. But so is being in poor health, or lonely. Living through climate change will be shit too - so what you could find out about is why it is money specifically that is bothering you. Once you know that, you may be able to work on the underlying fear driving this.

I've been skint btw, it's not great. IMO your worry is not irrational but does sound disproportionate.

It seems like the thread is quite old, but I like what you said @carriedout about the fear of being poor. I have the same thoughts as OP, my anxiety is really badly triggered simply by the absence of produce on the shelves and prices going up and up - it brings up stuff from childhood. And I just identified it is the fear of being poor behind it.
Can I ask how you dealt with your fear?

Similar budget/situation here.
Bought a house last year and depleted our savings and the house still has more work to be done.
Going crazy with worse case scenarios.
Do you have an emergency fund? Rebuilding ours now slowly and is the only thing that will keep my mind at peace. Aiming for 6 months living expenses.

I'm a bit like you. I watch a lot of news coverage on COL, have noticed (like everyone) the cost of my food shopping skyrocket, the heating bills rise steeply, the petrol price increasing etc.

I think its the shock of the increases. They shake your feeling of control when it comes to finances and you suddenly feel really vulnerable to inflation and realise there's not much you can do about it if BOE raises interest rates/food prices go up again, blah blah.

We would be considered pretty well off. Have low outgoings. Save each month. No children or pets to pay for. However, we used to be better off (before covid, COL, Brexit), and I think this makes me nervous.

The main reason I keep putting off TTC is cost of living and the fear of rising costs.

The news is all doom and gloom. I might give it a miss for a while.

Yes food is going up but on 60k it’s not going to be an issue if you stick to a budget. You’re taking home around 4k a month. Jesus, read the room, if you are worried about feeding yourself then you need to talk to a professional about your problems.

I feel very similar to the OP and it's definitely some sort of financial anxiety. I noticed it to really appear during Covid when both me and my husband lost our jobs.

We have good jobs now but the feeling is still there. I think because what happened during Covid was so outside the realms of normality for us, I kinda feel like any worst case scenario is possible. I'm now on maternity and although it's different, because I'm not getting paid I feel really panicky and it brings me back to that time.

Same here despite healthy income. I worry and turn over all sorts of scenarios in my head when in reality we are ok. It's the fear of the unknown, and being in Scotland we are at the mercy of the SNP who want to ruin us. I get anxious over the budget, future Ctax rises etc too as the plans look grim.

I don't know what the solution is tbh, I feel like I'm in control of my money but perhaps over controlling as I manage it all to the penny.

I think it's very easy to get into a state of irrational anxiety, and it deserves sympathy not accusations of being tone deaf.

It might be worth looking into different ways to manage your anxious thoughts?

I think you do need to strive for a healthy balance. I always think I want to go for a mixture of enjoying life now, and planning ahead.

DH ex never spends anything on fun, my son calls her "fake poor" because she has ended up in a state where she never spends any money on fun despite being mortgage free with a decent income. Her children get really down about it because they want to do fun things with her.

I agree having a savings cushion is better than cupboards full of pasta though.