About to go on maternity and panicking

[MariaDingbat]

I'm about to go on maternity with my 2nd baby, we have an almost 2 year old, and I'm really starting to panic over the cost of living increases. Every week the food and energy bills go up, our salaries don't stretch as far, it's harder and harder to save for my maternity leave, the nursery cost for our daughter has already increased, I don't know what to do. We're both civil servants so can't rely on wage increases anytime soon.

We both have good jobs and were stable and lucky enough financially to buy a house for the 1st time last year and still have a small chunk each month to put into savings, but now it seems that there's very little left over at the ends of the month. I appreciate that were lucky to have anything left over right now but I'm so worried that we will take a massive hit next year when our fixed term mortgage ends and the cost of everything will still be increasing at a time when our income is lowered because I'm on maternity leave.

We already have our budget cut to the bone, we don't go away, don't go on holidays, don't really go out, don't do any beauty stuff, no pets, 2nd hand car, buy kids clothes on vinted and rarely buy ourselves clothes. I don't know how much more can be cut. We're just about getting by now, I don't know how we'll cope with more increases.

I have no idea what the answer is op but I'm in a similar position and also very worried.

It's scary isn't it.

Use your child benefit payment to get everything in for the kids for the month, milk, snacks, nappies, body wash etc. if you don't spend it all put it away to combine with the next month incase there's anything bigger to get.

Meal plan/prep. Plan all your meals so you don't over buy and spend more.

Many days is 2 year old in nursery? Can this be cut down? Any family round to help?

I feel your worry! I'm due to start maternity leave at Christmas and although we have planned it, I couldn't have anticipated the cost of living increases to this extent.

I'll take a pay cut of around £800 per month. On top of that, our fixed rate on our mortgage ends in December and the cheapest our broker has managed to get it for us is £80 more than we pay now. Our gas and electricity bills have shot up.

My only saving Grace at the moment is that DS has just got his 30 free hours entitlement, so our bill has gone down a lot. I'm still putting my payment I'd usually make into my savings account each month until I start mat pay, so I can use that to top up my pay each month when off.

In terms of doing things as cheaply as possible, I've bought bundles off Vinted of baby clothes. DS outgrew his clothes so quickly and they felt like such a waste so I feel better buying second hand. A friend has also just given me three big bags of baby girl clothes from her daughter. Another friend brought me her cloth nappy stash this weekend after her DD has now toilet trained, so I'm hoping we'll save money on nappies that way. I didn't breastfeed DS but I'm hoping I'm more successful this time so that we can save money on milk, too! DS was a big baby and had two tubs of formula a week, which cost us £26 per week! 😭

Sadly there is no answer.

I am in the same position but have just gone back to work, we both have good jobs and still are down money each month and eating in to savings and an over draft. It makes me feel sick with worry.

I have done the following to try and help:

Sell things on vinted and keep money on the account to use for clothes for the boys when they need.

Really, really meal plan, reduce food waste. Have 2 cheap crap meals a week. I only shop in Lidl or Aldi now. I think right what have we already got in so I just buy less to make a meal. Slow cooker is your friend. Use left over food to make soups.

I've cancelled all subscriptions like Netflix and Spotify.

Using up all the random toiletries you collect/get gifted at Xmas and never use.

Don't waste your money on baby classes like heartbeeps. Go on walks.

We don't buy takeaways. To make it feel like we're getting a treat meal we have the simply cook kits which are discounted now, make sure you cancel the subscription.

Make sure you apply for benefits if you are entitled to.

Save what you can now to use when your mat pay drops.

Baby doesn't need every gadget going so really think before you buy. Use cotton wool and water rather than expensive water wipes.

I know it's just so scary at the moment and the heating hasn't even gone on yet.

Why does your 2 year old need to go to nursery if you're on maternity leave?

Missed your eldest was still in nursery. Definitely stop that. You'll save a fortune.

Have you looked into shared parental leave and what your DH would get if you went back to work and he stayed off? I'm guessing for civil service your mat pay and any shared parental leave would be enhanced. I get SMP only but DH is public sector so enhanced SPL: hence I'm returning to work early and he's taking SPL.

Worth looking at some different costings regarding taking shorter or longer maternity leaves - either to maximise your income by taking shorter maternity leave or by taking a longer one so the free hours have kicked in/are close to kicking in for your oldest. I'm assuming here you are taking her out of nursery while on maternity leave - definitely don't pay for that if you don't need it!

Also, depending on your family income, a nanny may be cheaper than nursery for two.
Unfortunately having two young children is just expensive, which ever way you cut it.

When you stop work, stop the nursery. That is what we have done. Hard work as zero family near us, but meant we could afford for me to take maternity leave.
oh and use the savings to get through maternity leave.

those years with under 3’s are tight, and we have professional jobs too. Just never taken our children on holiday ( except camping), never have takeaways, meal plan, furniture and house decor is very ancient. 20 year old sofas, oven is a nightmare etc.

For us personally, there is no way I could take my son out of nursery. I'd possibly reduce his days but I couldn't take that away from him. He enjoys his time at nursery so much and adores his little friends there. It's been fantastic for his learning and development - it does far more for him than I would be able to whilst managing a baby.

Maternity leave with DS was so tough, he was a really difficult baby and barely slept and I was constantly exhausted and run down. If I had a toddler 5 days a week on top of that, I'd have felt such immense guilt at him having such little 1-1 time with me whilst trying to sort a baby out. There's no guarantee this baby will be the same, but either way, I feel like nursery is able to give him so much more than I am in terms of learning, development and socialisation that I'd try my very best to keep that going whilst I am off.

It's a moot point for us really, as his 30 free hours have kicked in now, but it really is important for me that he continues with that, especially as he gets so much joy out of going.

Is it that with all the increases you will be ok by not able to save anything, or you won’t be able to afford your mortgage/bills? If it’s the first, you need to just accept that you’ll have less money whilst you have two young children and start saving again once they are a bit older with less childcare. If it’s the latter the you need to look at your outgoings and income, you might need to have a shorter maternity leave or reduce childcare whilst your on maternity leave or both. Not ideal but they are things you can cut!

For us personally, there is no way I could take my son out of nursery. I'd possibly reduce his days but I couldn't take that away from him. He enjoys his time at nursery so much and adores his little friends there

OP's DC is not yet 2 though - it sounds as though your DS is older? Paying for a nursery if you don't need it for childcare purposes is a luxury for a child that age. I took my DC out of nursery at the same age. He liked nursery but he much preferred being at home with me and I enjoyed not having to struggle to get him out to nursery in the morning. Plus there will be other things OP can take him to instead that cost much less than nursery fees.

Depending on waiting lists for nurseries in your area, taking a kid out of nursery could be a bad move if you'll need them in nursery again when you go back to work and won't get them a place again. If we'd taken my son out of his nursery when I went on mat leave, we wouldn't be able to get him back in again when I went back to work due to the length of the waiting lists.

Can you and/or your OH get an additional job, new job, better paid job, more hours or additional responsibilities in your roles? Are you getting all the things you are entitled to re childcare and benefits?

I know taking on more jobs and hours when pregnant is hard work, not least to get the job in the first place but there are plenty of things you can do, even on a temporary basis, when on maternity leave to bring in extra money. Check the small print though.

I scrimped and saved so much to try and get a maternity leave the first time it ended up not being worth it, so I didn’t take more than a few weeks the next time and that improved finances considerably- are you planning a long leave? Could you look at shortening it? Would it have any financial impact to share parental leave? Would your OH be taking a paternity leave, does that pay well or can that be shortened, skipped?

if I were you I’d be looking for additional income streams, more jobs and more hours, trying to turn my expectations of the system round a little bit as it doesn’t seem to be working for you, and taking your older child out of nursery if you are planning a long leave (if you are only taking a few weeks though I would leave them in for consistency)

From my experience, I disagree. I was on furlough and then unemployed in 2020 but still sent my DD back to nursery for 2 days per week when they reopened, firstly it meant I could job hunt and work on my own business but secondly she got a lot from being at nursery with other kids her age.

Now I’m on mat leave again (DD is at school), I so appreciate just having time with the baby and then when my DD is home I don’t feel stretched out, I give both my full (then have a drink in the evening 😂).

If you can stretch financially to keep him in, even for one day I would 100% recommend it. It’s hard going from one to two and anything to keep your sanity is most welcome!

Slight side point here but it broke my heart in lockdown that she couldn’t go to nursery and see her friends, she always asked about it and on her first day back she said it was the best day ever. Even now at school and in year 1, one of the nursery girls has just joined reception, they hadn’t seen each other in a year and they recognised each other immediately.

Civil service should mean you are getting 6 months full pay maternity though, so no salary concerns yet? And if you can't avoid drop in salary then go back after 6 months.

This is the reality for families who chose to have 2 children close in age so both in childcare, it is very expensive for a short period. Its the main reason we waited until my oldest was starting school before having a 2nd child.

Don't forget you'll get extra child benefit every 4 weeks which will help

You say you have a small amount to save which is that, as you say not many people are in that position, I’d stop the nursery or reduce days and just go to stay and play sessions such as toddlers etc.

no point worrying what’s going to happen next year, deal with today and enjoy your maternity leave and new baby when they arrive.

If you’re not already, sign up to the library. A free morning out with 2 year old and baby walking there and picking up books, my local one has a little table with drawing things and a little house you can go in to read books. Ours also does a free baby group of songs and dances once a week.

Meal plan and batch cook.

Look at any subscriptions and see if there are any you can cut or get cheaper.

Thanks everyone for your replies. I'm sorry so many of you are in the same situation but it's a little bit of a relief to not feel so alone in this and thanks for the great suggestions too. I thought the early years would be tight but manageable as we worked really hard for years to get to a good professional level in the civil service. Now it feels like we did all that just to stand still and still be really worried about money.

I get full pay for 18 weeks, stat for 18 weeks, then nothing. Any current savings we're able to put aside is just to try and cover the loss of earning for my maternity leave so we can pay the bills, there won't be a penny left beyond the bills until I go back to work next year. That's why the increase in almost all our bills is so worrying. Nappies have gone up in price already and formula is an extra £2 per box compared to 2020. It's madness!

We won't pull my daughter out of nursery as long as there are any other options, I think I'd cut my mat leave short if we get to a stage where we weren't able to afford it. She's only in 3 days a week and it's 1/7th of our wages under normal circumstances (up from 1/8th but anyway) and we would never get her or the new baby back in when I go back to work if we pull her out now as it's really popular and difficult to get into. We don't have the 30 free hours in NI, it's 12 hours and a bit complicated, so the fact this nursery has a built in preschool programme that we can use the free hours in until she's 5 is amazing and really rare.

Vinted has been brilliant for getting my daughter clothes and when the new baby arrives and we know if it's a boy or girl, I'll be selling whatever we don't need along with anything the new baby grows out of. I'm trying to see if there are any small part time things I can do from home for a little extra each month. I did surveys last mat leave and got about £50 a month which went towards baby clothes and toys and really helped.

We love our local library, they're only starting to get their classes back up and running after Covid so I must go check what might suit. Thanks for the suggestion!

I'd sell my kidney rather than take DC out of nursery and have both at home seven days a week.

Could you try bf? It's not for everyone but obviously it's free and means not having to factor in the cost of formula.

I would look at easy wins phone contracts for example, food budget - buying cheaper slow cooker pieces of meat which do several meals, bulking meals with lentils which are cheap. Getting rid of branded snacks etc.

I think it's important for mothers mental health to attend baby groups but these don't have to cost a fortune and can be a church baby and toddler group or a library session etc.

Unfortunately I have a thyroid condition so my milk didn't come in with my first and will probably be the same this time. I'm going to try, but I'm assuming it will be formula again.

I'm setting aside tomorrow to switch gas and electric to the cheapest tarrifs and renegotiate my SIM only mobile bill. The internet was already cut to basics and we don't have sky or anything like that. Insurances are all as cheap as I could get them, we hunt for the cheapest petrol using an app, shop in Lidl and Tesco using apps for deals and batch cook, heating is only on bare bones. Am I missing anything obvious to cut?

Christmas is coming up and is going to cost money so I'm trying to win things in Instagram competitions, so far in a week I've a £25 jewellery voucher. So that might help Christmas!

You don’t have to take her out of nursery completely, you need one on one time with new baby and it’s good developmentally. But you could drop down to two days a week rather than have her in for three days which would be a good saving per month.

It’s worrying! I’m in a similar position and will go off in December. I’ll be on SMP only so down approx £1500 per month!

our fixed term mortgage rate ends in August 23, so I may have to go back to work earlier than planned if things are really dire then or go full time when I go back (3 days a week currently).
we’ve been saving since before the pregnancy for my mat leave, but hadn’t quite accounted for how much our outgoings would have increased.

DC1 turns 3 in jan so we’ll have free nursery hrs from April (only goes 2 days per week) and I’d be really reluctant to reduce them between Dec and April and disrupt his routine more than it already will be!

This is exactly why we can't take my DS out when I go on leave in 5 weeks.