Unwilling to cut down ?

[KangarooKenny]

Does anyone else have a DP/DH that refuses to cut down ? My DH will not entertain turning the heat down in the winter, going to bed early to save heating and lighting. He will just take money out of our savings to cover it. That’s his right as it’s joint savings, and it’s his right to have the heating on whatever he wants, but it’s irritating.

I’m not sure it is his right to just fritter away your joint money.

Is he running up very high bills? What kind of income and savings do you have?

This would drive me up the wall and probably be a dealbreaker.

Just wait until winter and he sees the bill

Odd to be arguing about this in early august!

DP isn't as extreme as yours but he isn't interested in saving electricity ie by turning things off when not in use, using lights less ie when we're sat watching TV. His attitude is that we'll manage to afford it and we use what we use so no escaping it. Its frustrating! Think he might change his mind when we get our next bill. Interestingly he is absolutely militant about the heating which is oil and we have already pre paid for winter.

Not massively high bills, but he will put the heating up to uncomfortable levels if he feels cold, instead of thinking to put another jumper on or close the windows. Then the rest of us are hot and opening a window as we’re uncomfortably hot.
He makes no effort to reduce our usage, just wants to carry on as normal and ignores the need to be careful.
Leaves his bedroom window open throughout the winter and then complains the house is cold, that sort of thing.
Id like a thick curtain at the front and back door for the winter, he says it will look stupid. He has long hot showers because he wants to, that sort of thing. It’s frustrating.

I’d worry about this too if I knew my supposed partner was going to waste my savings on needlessly running up high bills.

OP, who says it’s his right - does he say that to you? Is he a prick about other things too?

We aren’t arguing about it.

Read your op

Doesn’t sound like it was a chat without disagreement!

Just wait until winter and he actually sees the bills. No point speculating how he will or won’t respond

He hasn’t said it’s his right, I got that in there before someone on here told me it’s his right to spend joint money however he sees fit !
Its just he’s so blasé about it, no thought to switching lights off or closing a window if you’re feeling cold. There’s no way he would sit under a heated blanket and take a short shower. It’s just frustrating and wasteful.

I think it's just a question of seeing how cold it really gets . It maybe heating is essential or it maybe mild enough to reduce the usage .

I have a similar issue with food. My hudband is so, so wasteful and has expensive tastes. I'm busy cutting back here, there and everwhere and he doesnt think snything of picking up some fancy artisan loaf and then chucking half out cos it went stale. I have had to take a deep breath and think of he wants to throw a tenner a way each week he can. Its his money. But it annoys me as i am thinking i cant afford to replace my shoes. We have seperate accounts for most stuff. We have a joint account for food, mortgage, energy, water, council tax and broadband.

Can you do some "what if"

If you spend savings then no Christmas presents - if you know what he wants
Or no holiday
No new car

Not wearing a jumper , letting heat out and making it too hot for everyone else is pretty antisocial / ignorant

You say not putting on another jumper, I wouldn't want to have to wear multiple jumpers inside, one fair enough, sitting under electric blankets etc, fine if you need to but it's pretty miserable. Closing Windows before turning up heating is sensible, most people don't have heavy curtains over their doors.
I'd like to hear his POV on this one

Agreed. Also it’s August, why the angst now?

He would have the heating on at least 22 all day and night if he could. He doesn’t think of the cost of anything, when our current account runs out he puts it on the CC and pays it off next month, or out of our savings. Neither me or the kids want the heating on at night, it’s too hot and wasteful.
He has retired early so is home all the time, so he wants the heating on all the time.

Its called preparation. Seeing a problem and heading it off at the pass.

At first I was going to say everyone needs a bit of comfort but 22 degrees all day is madness.we rarely put the heat on. Maybe at 4 or 5 pm for kids coming home until 8 (in autumn and winter)
He is being very selfish.

Vest warm shirt and thick jumper before heating

Also make sure he's getting plenty of exercise - sitting around makes you feel much colder

Yes to thick curtains over the doors - really makes a difference

Shame him

22 is old people home temperature!

October really isn't that far away op so l don't blame you for thinking about it now.

My dh can be a bit blasé too - moans he is cold but has shorts and tshirt on in December.

Can you tell him you both need to put extra money in the bills pot yo cover it?

Or if he wants to go out say no we haven't got the spare cash etc?

Sounds just like my DH, he will be wearing a t-shirt, say he’s cold and will turn the heating up! I have already told him he won’t be doing this, this winter, but we shall see.

It’s called borrowing trouble.

Whatever 🙄

My Dp puts the heating up higher than I’d like instead of putting a jumper on. The kids stay in their respective rooms with the lights on, and I love a long hot bath… I think I we’re all going to need to adjust our ways, not just dp in my household.

It's one thing being wasteful but I'm not sure I'd be too impressed if DH was telling me in August we'd be going to bed early in winter to reduce gas usage. Or that I might have to wear two jumpers.

It sounds to me like a marriage where one or both of the partners look for ways to annoy one another