Please help me to be more disciplined!

[thecakebadge]

I've NC for this because it might be outing and also I'm quite ashamed to have got myself into a bit of a muddle with everything. Sorry its long but I want to include all info.

My DH and I are lucky enough to have fairly well paid jobs. However we are about to take a 15% pay cut (we work for the same company) due to Covid cost savings - the alternative was redundancies and we feel fortunate that we still have jobs available. I am also pregnant with DC2 but the pay cut will come in before I go off on mat leave, so the occupational mat pay will be based on my reduced salary. DHs wage will obviously also be lower once I'm on leave. So we will be taking a big loss in earnings overall next year.

We have also just moved to a house that needs a lot of work doing (it was the only way we could afford to move from our tiny 2 up 2 down, we live in the SE). Some of it is cosmetic and that can wait, we will just put up with the old floral wallpaper but some stuff needs to be done ASAP e.g. boiler replaced, roof leak. We do have some savings to cover those costs but we won't have loads left over.

I would really like to be able to still send DD (2) to her childminder while I'm on leave; she has some additional needs and has only just settled in and I think it would be good for her to keep going. She goes 3 days a week and it costs 410 per month (we are already in the tax free scheme) but I'm aware this is a luxury. Our childminder won't do less than 8 hours a day but I could ask to drop it to 2 days per week if needed although again I'm not sure if she wants a minimum number of hours to secure the place. We don't have any family locally who can help with childcare and with her extra needs I don't know if I'd cope with DD and new baby all week alone while my DH is at work. I'm also worried about my mental health as I suffered with PND after DD so I'm trying to ensure it doesn't happen again. So keeping some childcare for DD is my main priority (beyond paying mortgage/bills of course) and my motivation to try and sort myself out.

I am ashamed that although I was previously very good with money, in recent months I have got into bad habits and spending unnecessarily. I have not been disciplined when it comes to food shopping and I use the excuse of having allergies and being veggie to justify buying expensive products when I could just cook from scratch much cheaper but I'm struggling with pregnancy tiredness and nausea and I often feel like I can't face it. I have also spent way too much recently on clothes for my DD, I know she doesn't need so many, i think I am trying to make up for the guilt I feel about her having special needs but I know this obviously doesn't help.

I would be grateful for a kick up the backside and also some ideas of how I can cut costs. I am going to put myself on a clothes shopping ban for the forseeable future and may try to sell some of the clothes she hasn't worn much. I'd also like to look at other costs e.g. our gas and electric is currently 95 a month (total), is that normal for a 3 bed house? I'd also appreciate some meal planning help :-) Thank you

Little bump

You should join us on the frugaleers thread, we're a friendly bunch and posting on there keeps me on the straight and narrow spending wise!!

The MoneySavingExpert website has some great resources and a really useful forum for advice and support. If you haven't already done so I would suggest making a Statement of Affairs (SOA) this includes all your monthly incomings and outgoings and should account for annual costs like car insurance etc. This should give you a good idea of where you stand financially and what you can cut back on etc.

I'm not sure of your daughters special needs but it maybe worth looking into Disability Living Allowance if she requires extra support compared to another child of the same age.

Make sure you and your DH do the SOA together so that you are both aware of what your financial situation is, this will help you both if you need to make any cut backs. Good luck!

Thank you for your replies, @Girliefriendlikespuppies I will check out that thread!

@NursieBernard unfortunately we are not eligible for DLA as she is still not formally diagnosed, we are waiting on results from a genetics test and also for a brain MRI. She is developmentally delayed in some specific areas but does not count as having global developmental delay at the moment. She definitely requires extra support and I’m struggling with her now as she weighs 14kg but still can’t walk yet but we have not been given any mobility equipment and it’s absolutely ruining my back trying to lift her especially while pregnant. Even my DH is having back problems now too. It limits who can look after her, my DM would be willing but she’s in her 70s and can’t keep lifting her.

I have done a spreadsheet but my problem is sticking to the budget I set myself. According to my budget we should have X amount left over every month but we never do because I overspend on food shopping and clothes etc.

However I have already had a minor success as I emailed the energy company and they have agreed to reduce my direct debit from £95 a month to £80!

Great news about the energy company.

DLA does not require a diagnosis it is based on the extra care that your DD requires. I would advise applying before all the investigations are completed as it sounds as if your daughter would qualify for something given her needs now. This is quite a useful place to start... www.citizensadvice.org.uk/benefits/sick-or-disabled-people-and-carers/disability-living-allowance/help-with-your-dla-claim/how-to-claim-dla/

This extra money could help towards the childminder sessions which sound like they are very beneficial for your daughter.

Thanks @NursieBernard I have looked into it but I think based on her needs she would be more likely to qualify for the mobility rather than the care component. Because she isn't on oxygen or regular medication etc I think it would be difficult to evidence that she requires more care than other children the same age even though I think she definitely does. But it looks like if she's still not walking by the time she's 3 then we might be able to claim the higher rate mobility component of DLA.

In other news, my win for today is that I registered for tax relief for WFH and got my DH to do it too! You can only do it for £6 each week which is about £1.20 less tax but over 52 weeks of the year that's about £60 so together should save us over £120!

thecakebadge
this is the SOA that money saving expert uses :
www.lemonfool.co.uk/financecalculators/soa.php

Click and collect is a great way of not over spending, shop online and then looking back at your total bill can really focus the mind if you set a food budget each week.

Start sneaking in some disposable nappies for new born, if you purchase these each week it will help when you are on maternity leave as one less expense

drop from 3 days to 2 days would obviously save you 33% on your childcare - try and do every other day so you get a break every other day

your wages will drop by 15% have you used the income tax calculator to see your new take home pay? if you are both earning £20k per year and take a 15% pay cut leaving you on £17k then you will ultimately lose £170 er month each and not £210 which would be 15% a small consolation but your tax bill each month will be less and therefore you will take home proportionally.

have you checked entitled to and used the calculations to see if you are entitled to any benefits due to your wage decrease?

leave your purse at home

fill your car with fuel, fill fridge each week and alter your habits to do things for free and not enter shops where you are tempted to spend

listentotaxman.com/20000? income tax calculator

In terms of DLA Cerebra do an excellent guide to claiming for children with additional needs who need additional care due to developmental delay, if you google you can download their guide and see what you think. The form is a nightmare to complete but it’s money which I’m guessing would come in handy. The guide would certainly help you identify where she needs more care than a bit so affected 3 year old.

I’m a nursery SENCO and from what you have said you should definitely qualify for DLA- worth a try for sure x