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TooMuchMoney_TooLittleTime

6 replies

fartoostressed · 06/12/2019 14:16

Since my other half insisted we have a joint bank account where both of our salaries go in, I am struggling to pay back my overdraft that the bank wants back, as I no longer utilise my previously used own bank account.
And I am finding it increasing difficult to get any money out of the joint account without questions being asked about it.

OK - that might not seem like the big deal here, but whilst that is £2k I also have more outstanding debt that he does not know about, and if he knew, we would be completely finished, as I took out loans to try and help somebody, that he would most definitely, not agreed for this to happen.

Paying those loans over their terms, would cost near enough £10k, but if I can pay them off as soon as possible, I am looking at £4k (ish)

My credit score is completely shot, so I cant even take a short term low interest rate loan, where I can justify a couple of hundred quid a month as "pocket money" but at the moment to meet the needs of all payments I am having to find a way of getting together almost £500 a month, which I can't keep up with at this rate.

I also need to get these accounts closed so that they are no longer open on my credit file, to try and get this score better, but I need to find quick wins of how.

I gues sI am here to ask, if people have been able to get any quick wins, that might be able to help me out here.

The biggest problem here that urks me the most, is that I do have the money to be able to pay these debts off, but that is in a savings account - that again, I just cannot touch.

Yes, I could tell him that I need it - but I know him more than others, and with things that are going on in his life as well as mine - I just could not put this on him, he told me I wasn't to help this person in the first place, and he was right - because whilst they are better of for it, I no longer am not.

OP posts:
ememem84 · 07/12/2019 09:25

Speak to your employer, get your salary paid into your own account. Set up a standing order to joint account with sufficient to cover rent/mortgage bills etc.

The rest is yours to utilise as you please.

This is how dh and I work things. We’ve got seperate savings seperate current accounts and a joint account for all house/joint/kid related spends.

Tinkerbellx · 07/02/2020 08:56

You should be able to talk to your dp?
Worrying about this alone is no good for you and certainly not healthy to have something like this hidden in a relationship .
He would be more upset if he knew you were shouldering this on your own surely and want you to be able to talk to him ?

Nombie · 24/04/2020 10:40

I'd never put my salary into a joint account. If you can't control your money and he asks questions that's controlling and financial abuse.

I get paid, he gets paid and we each pay half of what's needed into the joint for bills, this will change when our child arrives as he'll be main bill payer but I plan to help as much as I can. If he needs more money and I have it he can have it and vice versa. We have a very good relationship but don't want to have to ask permission to spend my own money nor do I ever want to open myself up to questions like why did you buy this. Because I want to and I work hard 😓.

anonacatchat · 31/05/2020 11:30

This sounds extremely like a sign of abuse to me ... change your salary into your own account and I'd recommend speaking to someone at Women's Aid .

This is not OK and it's not normal

MrDarcysMa · 25/07/2020 10:25

This is financial abuse. He is dictating what you do with your money without your agreement (both by stopping you getting the loan and by making you pay all your salary into joint savings)

You can not continue to hide the debt from him- it's only going to spiral further if you don't have the means to pay it back because he's dictating what to spend your money on.

Honestly I couldn't be in a relationship with someone like this.

Juiceey · 25/07/2020 12:24

Sorry but this isn't ok for him to have such a hold and control over you and your finances.

Speak to him.

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