Partner has got a credit card behind my back ....

[tessie31082]

and he doesn't need it. We are not poor (neither rich) and from September when our little boy starts school our childcare costs will dramatically decrease. He has always managed to waste his money and have none left at the end of the month - despite having £600 most months after bills left (we have separate accounts) but this is silly! I have only found out because of the emails from the credit card company (he does know I have access to emails in the past - I'm guessing he's forgotten his account is still on my phone)?! Do I confront him or ignore it, however, I don't want to get into any financial difficulty knowing his past debts (before we met) which I helped solve! Any advice? (p.s. we are already at a point where he doesn't come out with me and our little one due to various conflicts with his behaviour towards our 4yo, where we argue over him going out sometimes when he has no money and other matters etc)

Sounds like this is just one of many bigger issues. Is this relationship worth the effort?

BTW hope that isnt your birthdate in your username!

Special, I am probably only with him still because of our 4yo! I don't trust him to look after him by himself as sometimes the way he behaves or says things (in front of me and other family) are downright nasty and not the thing you'd do/say with a 4yo :( he is very childish and over the top and can't seem to handle his ordinary 4yo temper tantrum/meltdowns (normally when he's tired/ill)! So mu question is still do I confront him about it?!
Thanks

My answer is - No. Don't confront him about it. Leave him. You can't trust him not to abuse your son.

it's very easy for internet randoms to say 'LTB' - it isn't that simple.

but I know (seen it) that parents that stay together only for the kids do the kids no favours. The damage can last a lifetime.

easy for me to say - but this man is dragging you down financially, can't be trusted with his kid, and doesn't sound like he brings any joy into your life. Is it worth it?

Confront him before you find yourself expected to pay this debt also. .
Been there. . Dh lied about money, spent it all, claimed we were skint, debts built up, more lies so filed for divorce. .

I'm confused. Has he actually run up a debt on the card or just got one?

Having one for emergencies or cashback and paying it off every month is fine and totally normal.

Obviously secret debts are not ok.

That said your most recent post suggests you have bigger issues than a credit card.

Why isn't he allowed to have a credit card? Is he not a grown adult? I'd go mad if my OH demanded I 'wasn't allowed' a credit card, I have one to cope with unexpected emergencies and keep the balance to a reasonable limit.

Maybe there's a reason he's going behind your back OP - because you're being a tad controlling!

Op paid off his last debts - surely her prevention method is acceptable?

It wouldn't be acceptable to me... no way would I have my partner tell me that I wasn't allowed a credit card! Different if he has consented to let her control the finances but the OP did not read like that.

I think the issue is he's already proven to be a bit careless with money..... OP states there was previous debts. IMO she is thinking why do you need to keep a credit card secret..... perhaps something a person with difficulty handling money , or about to create a new debt would do ? To have £600 disposable income every month........
However, ultimately I agree with the other posts OP you have far greater issues than the credit card the behaviour of your partner towards your son which you describe is not right and is not fair on you or your son. Staying with him for your son is no help to anyone. However I wouldn't do anything too hasty, take some time, work out your options, a place to go if you decide to leave. Perhaps some free legal advice so you know where you stand. Have you a family member or close friend you trust 100% to confide in, if not seek out an organisation- Samaritans perhaps for some impartial advice. That is all providing you wish to end the relationship. If you don't workout what you want from DH and discuss this with him and tell him he needs to change. I would mention the credit card might as Well have everything out in the open. Good luck.