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Original poster

Massive debt and don't know where to start

81 replies

hayser33 · 12/12/2016 15:39

As the new year is coming I'm really keen to have a but of an overhaul of our life in general bit my main concern is money.
We are in alot of debt ( £ 26000 to be exact ) we have enough to cover paying it off but we always overspend every single month and any excess gets put on credit card . For example last 2 weeks before payday the food shop any petrol etc getso put on there.
I'm trying to budget with the food shop we are doing dry january so hopefully that will last save 200+ a month Blush
Also my daughter has a big school trip that we are commitied to so that is 500 pound we have to find by end of January.we have moved house and have been stuck with key meters for gas and electric for last few weeks and they are costing a small fortune..I have rang up the supplier and they are taking them out so that should cut that bill in half.
Has anyone been in this much debt before and managed to get out of it? ..it just feels so overwhelming Confused

OP posts:
thatdearoctopus · 13/12/2016 23:03

She said £25 a week each.

Original poster
hayser33 · 13/12/2016 23:05

I know a lot of people dont like them but If I saved for it into my own bank account I'd end up dipping In to it . I don't get the food hampers I just get the money back but onto a card for all the shops I use anyway . I don't pay them anything .
I guess they just get a bit of interest from the money I'm saving. It works for me and I've not had to worry about getting the kids Christmas this year

OP posts:
Original poster
hayser33 · 13/12/2016 23:07

Yes MrsMeggles I'm not actually that thick I obviously meant each Hmm. Very bitchy on here at times which is why I rarely post anything.
Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
hayser33 · 13/12/2016 23:13

Jesus christ I wish I'd never bloody mentioned 200 pound on bloody Alchol..we do alot of socialising at home and if I went through past few months of receipts I bet it's probably not that much every month! It's a small part of a bigger problem we have .
We spend alot on food and drink clearly !!we never go out unless it's a at out with kids..no meals no trips to the pub
We have been together a year and been out twice
25 pound each probably gets a few bottles of decent wine each a week and no I don't drink it all myself.
Thanks for advice most people but just forget it now i feel crap and some replies are stressing me out ..Can't stand sarkiness it's lowest form of wit . I won't post anything again

OP posts:
AnnaT45 · 13/12/2016 23:20

I can see how you could spend £200 a month on booze if you never go out and have people over. Just ask them to bring a bottle with them!

Original poster
hayser33 · 13/12/2016 23:33

Thankyou AnnaT45

OP posts:
AnnaT45 · 13/12/2016 23:40

No prob. If you think about it, it's less than half a bottle a day each. A lot of people drink that and more! And you've said several times it's for others too. I don't but my DH drinks everyday and it adds up. I would just ask people to bring things with them if you're doing it frequently.

Ilovetorrentialrain · 13/12/2016 23:46

Hey OP I've just found this thread, please don't be put off, by the end I was starting to think '£200 on booze?' Will be the new 'cancel the cheque' 😀

I'm glad you're starting to look at the issue head on. I can vouch for the idea of withdrawing cash and sticking to that only. I can also say when you change habits (e.g. Drastically cutting down what you spend on catering, and instead asking friends to bring a bottle / some snacks each) it quickly becomes the new norm.

Good luck with everything.

Original poster
hayser33 · 14/12/2016 07:10

Thankyou
I've woke up much more positive today. I went to bed in a mood last night and I'm so stressed me and my boyfriend aren't really talking now .
He won't go to step change he thinks it's unnesscary but I'm going to ring them about my own personal debt (my loan and the argos card that is 30%apr). I've made some big mistakes last few years I can only blame myself but I guess I'm not the only one who does it .

OP posts:
Helloooooitsme · 14/12/2016 07:24

Did you say you have only been with your bf a year? Why are you classing his £18000 debt from his divorce with yours?

Everytimeref · 14/12/2016 07:36

I am similar to you when a single parent brilliant with money. Never in debt. Re married and now have debt. We do budget but can't explain how we get through so much money and why there is so much month left at the end of the money!!

Everytimeref · 14/12/2016 07:38

Oops posted too soon.
Like you were entertain regularly and don't think twice about spending £25 on a piece of meat and suddenly we have blown our budget. It all adds up.

Original poster
hayser33 · 14/12/2016 07:40

All our money is joint he works full time earns a good wage and pays for everything I woke part time at the moment and earn an ok wage but not enough to have separate finances. We are a household so it's all in one pot -he's very generous with me and the children we don't want for anything which is why we are in a mess .he doesn't want the children going without anything .

OP posts:
Original poster
hayser33 · 14/12/2016 07:44

Yes it all does add up we just like having do'so boxing day for example I said we would host as my poor mum does it every year. 25 people we are having -to be fair obviously everyone will bring drink and my mum and his mum are bringing some food but we will still spend . I have 70 left on my love to shop card that I've kept back so that should get the rest of the food and drink..I can use the cats in Iceland and they seem to do a good range in party food.

OP posts:
Helloooooitsme · 14/12/2016 08:21

If I met someone and within a year I had taken on £18k of his debt I wouldn't sleep at night so I can see why you are worried. But it's not your responsibility to pay it off! He's not bothered about it so let him get on with it. If you get married that's different but I wouldn't think of it until he has sorted out his debt. I don't get your mindset on this sorry.

It's all very well him being generous with you and your children but that's meaningless if you have major financial worries.

pklme · 14/12/2016 08:37

So, practically speaking, the aim is to break it up into chunks so it doesn't overwhelm you. Pay the most expensive thing first. The credit card balance is usually expensive, so aim to get that down.

Every pound you do spend is actually more than a pound because of the interest you are paying on your loans. DYSWIM?

In terms of making savings, every pound you don't spend is worth more than a pound. So the £200 saved in dry January is actually more than £200!

Could you have a thrifty week every month when you try and buy nothing at all? Live off what is in the cupboards? Have beans on toast etc and don't entertain that week?

You sound like you are starting to get it together, with your meter change etc.

Original poster
hayser33 · 14/12/2016 10:50

I've made someasy changes already so it's a start.
Well we definitely won't be getting married that's really not a priority atm . No I probably shouldn't worry but it affects family money in the long run doesn't it so I'm bound to take it on my shoulders even tho its his debt

OP posts:
Mum4Fergus · 14/12/2016 19:39

Hindsight is a fabulous thing OP...the most important thing now is that you're taking steps in the right direction to get your finances back on track...so well done you!!

Now folks... let's throw no more stones re OPs choices in the past. Who hasn't done something in the past they now regret. Be nice or be gone Smile

Original poster
hayser33 · 14/12/2016 20:05

Thanks mum4fergus stepchange have contacted me regarding my own personal debt to see what can be done. Bf thinks it sounds dodgy and I'll get charged by them or something . Also have spoken to school about school trip and the 500 doesn't have to be paid by January (it was a suggested payment ) we have untill end of June to pay full amount so we are going g to send a cheque when I get paid end of every month for 200 . So that's a relief just have to hope car passes Mot in January and have two of the children's birthday but I can budget for that if all goes according to plan..there's alot of toy sales on at the moment and the baby is only 2 so don't have to go mad on her really. All a bit more positive tonight !

OP posts:
pklme · 15/12/2016 06:31

Excellent about the school trip! And young kids don't need expensive presents. I bought a cheap inflatable toy, inflate it, put it in a box with shred. My DN enjoyed unwrapping it and pulling out all the shred to find the inflated turtle inside.

The joy is in the excitement of unwrapping and seeing something new. It doesn't need to be expensive.

Allalonenow · 15/12/2016 09:11

Every thing that you read about StepChange emphases that it is a FREE service run by a charity. Your partner is just being negative, perhaps he feels threatened by the fact that you are facing up to your debt problems while he can't.
Well done you on taking the first steps. Xmas Smile

JennyHolzersGhost · 15/12/2016 09:33

Hang on a sec. why are you taking on responsibility for his £18k ?
I'd have separate finances with a joint bills account into which you both pay an agreed amount each month TBH. I understand that you've got some smaller debts yourself so it's still a good idea to make an effort to sort your finances out. But you don't owe £26k total, you owe far less than that.
Let him sort out his debts. Offer him support of course but it's not your responsibility. And please don't merge your finances. It's unfair on your kids, who will be the ones to lose out while you scrape together £ to pay off his debts.

Original poster
hayser33 · 15/12/2016 09:37

He puts money in bank to cover bills and I have access to his bank card etc . I think posters are right actually I really don't know why I'm worrying so much. I think if I can sort my own debt out that's the main thing I think
I worry how it will impact our future together as we want to buy a house one day and I'm worried the debt will rise if we don't start taking responsibility at some point and start paying it all over quicker

OP posts:
JennyHolzersGhost · 15/12/2016 09:45

Well, he needs to understand that how he handles his finances could have consequences for your relationship. If he doesn't step up, take responsibility and sort it out then you can't make a commitment to share your life with him. It shouldn't be up to you to worry about budgeting to pay it off, the £18k is his problem and he needs to explain to you how he's going to sort it out.

Meantime sounds like a good idea for you to review your own finances, pay off what you owe and then start saving - both for the kids' school trips and other needs, and perhaps for a house in the future. Smile good luck !

Crumbs1 · 15/12/2016 09:53

Stop buying any alcohol or cigarettes.
Use car less, consider getting rid of car.
Stop school trip -you'll lose deposit but won't have to pay out more.
Talk to credit card company and bank about freezing interest and reducing payments.
Two week rolling menu with online shopping. No extras. Value items and simple meals.
No supper parties -have friends for a DVD and popcorn and let them bring wine.
No activities which cost money. It's boring but needs to be done before you lose everything. Once back on more even footing you can increase pleasures. Don't take up hobby they are expensive. Do paid work instead.

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