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Original poster

Massive debt and don't know where to start

81 replies

hayser33 · 12/12/2016 15:39

As the new year is coming I'm really keen to have a but of an overhaul of our life in general bit my main concern is money.
We are in alot of debt ( £ 26000 to be exact ) we have enough to cover paying it off but we always overspend every single month and any excess gets put on credit card . For example last 2 weeks before payday the food shop any petrol etc getso put on there.
I'm trying to budget with the food shop we are doing dry january so hopefully that will last save 200+ a month Blush
Also my daughter has a big school trip that we are commitied to so that is 500 pound we have to find by end of January.we have moved house and have been stuck with key meters for gas and electric for last few weeks and they are costing a small fortune..I have rang up the supplier and they are taking them out so that should cut that bill in half.
Has anyone been in this much debt before and managed to get out of it? ..it just feels so overwhelming Confused

OP posts:
Mummyreindeerlegz · 13/12/2016 11:34

Save the money each month for the residential. I think you have more fundamental issues than school trips, it's a mind set. You have to get to a point where using a credit card is an unacceptable way of living. You have a certain income and you could try and allocate each £ a job. But each £ can only be spent once. So look at your income and then work out how much you need for mortgage / bills / food / fuel / annual expenses divided by 12 / credit repayment / clothes / gifts / holidays / school costs / going out. If you know exactly what you have to spend and keep track of the amount you won't over spend. No unexpected bills, divide it over the year and stick it in a savings account.

maras2 · 13/12/2016 12:15

Please do try Money Saving Expert Debt Free Wannabe.The people there are tough but very knowledgable and most speak from bitter experience after having been much more in debt than you are.Best of luck.

Brown76 · 13/12/2016 12:33

You might choose not to give up drinking altogether, but it's not just £200 a month. Because you aren't paying off the £26k debt and are putting food and petrol on the credit card, it's costing you a lot in interest to spend that £200 a month (not picking on drinking, it's just one non essential you've mentioned). Work out how much you will save on interest if you get your debts cleared, that might be really motivating to see how much more you will have to spend!

Original poster
hayser33 · 13/12/2016 12:36

I feel really bad but I can honestly say we aren't greedy people it sounds like we are but we aren't. The kids have everything they need all we have is a few bottles of wine in the weekend and I have the odd bit of make up or a cheap fashionable top for work from the supermarket. He hasen't had clothes etc for over a year. It's all frivolous spending.
I would like to say that 18000 odd of this debt is from his marriage to ex wife but it's all in his from name so he has to pay it as she refused so not alot we can do.
I have alot of work to do in new year to sort this all out.
With regards to school trip it's 1250 to pay..we had the letter about it in October so we paid the deposit of 150 as I'd saved up with my commission from work. I planned to save 100 a month which was doable as trip is not till October 2017...but I had an unexpected text from the school last week saying an installment of 500 is due end of January . It was just a bit out of the blue plus it's my youngest twos birthdays in January my mums and the car is due it's MOT the just all comes at once ..I just don't know how to begin your sort out paying extra of any debt when we have all these things going on.
I know we are lucky and there are people worse off than us I'm really aware of that .

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Original poster
hayser33 · 13/12/2016 12:42

it's the food alchol and moving costs that has added to our joint debt. It is being paid off but only just the minimum on some things . If I didn't overspend on the above we would be fine..it's bad money management Blush.
My loan is 160 a month and a Catologe for children's beds and other bit's is 1000 there's around 2000 that is our debt jointly the rest was his and his ex wife's. They could afford to pay it all off as she had a good job and they had no children it's different story for him now. He isint even bothered or worried tho and I just feel a right nag. He said just go lidls and we won't ever have a drink apart from Saturday nights

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Original poster
hayser33 · 13/12/2016 12:44

Oops not 1000 a month on Catologe lol that is how much is on their..I pay that back at 60 a month

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EsmeWeatherwax · 13/12/2016 12:46

I had this amount of debt at the start of the year, and thought I was doing fine because of course I kept up the payments, and ended up shopping on the credit card. We ended up going to Stepchange, and honestly, they couldn't be better. We have a liveable budget, and they are dealing with our creditors and it's getting paid back slowly. It's a very scary thing to do, our credit rating is wrecked for six years, but this is a good thing, I literally can't get into any more debt. When we did our statement of affairs, which includes ALL spending, we had £200 left to pay off £700 of repayments. And this was me thinking we were doing fine! If you find it impossible to budget, I'd really recommend them, they have been brilliant with us, and I can sleep at night!

Letmesleepalready · 13/12/2016 12:48

We sat down and wrote our budget, and then divided it monthly and weekly.
It's normal to miss some categories at first, so the first month or so you will need to shuffle money around. The biggest issue is to stick to the budget, and this is where taking the money out in cash helps. So let's say you've decided that groceries will be £50/week, then you take out that amount out every week and when it's gone, it's gone. £25 a week on drinks is absolutely loads (we drink regularly but it's about £10 max a week, usually less).
You could use a price comparison website for groceries, make a meal plan and check which supermarket will be the cheapest for your meals.
But I would try and keep a small amount of money for clothes/make up, so you don't feel deprived, but it might come as a shock to realise how much you do actually spend on the smaller things once you add them up.

BzyB · 13/12/2016 12:57

The key is long term motivation.

I listened to Dave Ramsey talk on YouTube a few years ago and think he's extremely motivating! It does have a Christian aspect and it's also American so the investing parts don't all apply but its still worth a listen. I'm not in debt but if I'm feeling like comfort shopping I listen to one of his podcasts and usually step away from the online shops! He makes you feel like you are cheating the system or something.

Also a book called Your Money or Your Life by joe Dominguez and Vicki robin was a good start for me. It's more about retiring early than paying down debt but the rules still apply. It's American too, but an excellent book nonetheless. In reading it again now as I'm reassessing my goals.

Original poster
hayser33 · 13/12/2016 12:58

I'll try getting him to go through step change as I've heard people mention them alot . I think a good budget for us a week including nappies is probably 75 a week. I have money aside in park vouchers for Christmas (that's one thing I have always done is save for Christmas..goodness knows what mess we would be in now if I hadent ) and we aren't buying for each other this year.
In the new year we are doing dry january so that will cut that cost out and then I'm sure our drinking habits will certainly change. I know we have a bit too much on yhe weekend than is necessary.
We don't go out anyway apart from odd thing with the kids and i have a close family and group of friends that we see so we can still be sociable indoors bit I won't go so over the top with the food/drink anymore .
So hopefully 2017 we can get our act together. God it's going to be boring lol

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Original poster
hayser33 · 13/12/2016 13:00

Interesting you say about watching that he popped up on you tube the other day..I also watched the story of stuff on there. Really made me realise that I'm such a consumer of things I feel ashamed

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Original poster
hayser33 · 13/12/2016 13:04

Oh he his giving up smoking in new year that will save 30 a week too !!

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Letmesleepalready · 13/12/2016 13:16

And try and save weekly or monthly for annual bills, like mot, insurance etc. We didn't use to and had to find £300/£500 in January every year, now we save a small amount into a different account every week. Makes it so much less stressful.
You'll be surprised how much you can save with a meal plan. My kids were fine in value nappies, but I know some kids get rashes, but worth a try, could save you a fortune!

80sWaistcoat · 13/12/2016 13:23

With the socialising and things - some of it is mindset. So meeting up with people for a walk instead - or visiting somewhere free or cheap and taking a picnic (summer obvs for that).

Or picking a theme for when people come round - like Indian or Mexican and asking people to bring a dish or a course.

This article is a bit preachy and hardcore - but the basic principle is that its not 'things' that count but people and experiences.

mouldycheesefan · 13/12/2016 13:27

£200 per month on alcohol. Wow.

Original poster
hayser33 · 13/12/2016 13:37

I tend to spend bit much on having people round I go over the top on bits and pieces to make it special etc all that adds up.
Again yes again i know 200 is alot on drink i feel bad enough as it is .. it's 25 a week each and it's wine at that which isint that cheap to drink and we have had alot of people round this year as we don't go out ever so we socialise indoors!

I'm sure we aren't the only couple in the world who spend that much..we have been a bit daft I know that . It's not the 200 pound on that that has got us into trouble it's part of a much bigger shittier picture.b
Thankyou so much to the people who have posted giving advice not just stamens like above ..I'm clearly bloody worried as it is without odd snipey remarks .

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Original poster
hayser33 · 13/12/2016 13:40

I'm clearly a shitty human being cause of this 200 pound on drink lol never mind all the kind nice things I do . I obviously know it's a alot as it's an area I'm cutting out god feel like a bloody drunk

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SillySongsWithLarry · 13/12/2016 14:12

Can you see if one of your local churches are running a CAP money management course? I went to one recently and it completely changed how I see money and how I spend money. It's the mindset of not spending more than you have and having treats and non essentials but within a budget. They also recommend living entirely cash only for spends as you can see the money going down as you hand it over.

Original poster
hayser33 · 13/12/2016 14:18

Good idea Silly I'll look into that. I used I be rather good with money a few years back. I have a free evening tonight so I'm going to go through it all. I think cash is a good idea too as we both use the debit card when popping to shops etc and it's easy to lose track .

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donajimena · 13/12/2016 14:37

One thing that might help is if you read the mari kondo book. Its a book about tidying and unfortunately my house is still a bloody tip... but an unexpected side effect waa that I changed my attitude to 'stuff' and clothes. I'm bringing this into the mix because you mentioned the candle. Grin

I just can't fritter my money like I used to and I was shit with money.

80sWaistcoat · 13/12/2016 14:40

If you used to be good with money - it'll come back - you just have to get whole family on board. That's my issue at the moment - and it's not entirely successful.

Allalonenow · 13/12/2016 16:52

One thing which might help you is a year planner onto which you enter all the regular outgoings, things like birthdays and MOTs don't come out of the blue, they can be predicted and should be planned for.

There is lots of help on line for cutting back on grocery costs, just a few are ~
Look at Pinterest for ideas for cheap meals
Look at Jack Monroe's website for ideas and tips
Sainsburys have a Feed the Family for £5 area in their website recipes section
Miguel Barclay does One Pound Meals on Instagram
Facebook has Feed Your Family For About Twenty Pounds A Week which is jam packed with ideas for saving money.

I hope you manage to overcome this, as it must be like a black cloud hanging over you.

Original poster
hayser33 · 13/12/2016 17:10

Allalonenow yes it is rather for me anyway ..other half doesn't think it's a big deal at all Hmm altho he is willing to budget etc .
I've always been on my own financially and it's harder for me now as I'm used to controlling it all.

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specialsubject · 13/12/2016 22:37

Please not hamper companies!!! Really expensive and money is not safe. Save in a bank account and get a very little bit of interest too, then you can shop around.

So many fun things to do are cheap or free, there is no need to have a 'dull' life.

MrsMeggles · 13/12/2016 22:53

Sorry to point this out but £200 a month is actually £50 a week not £25? Hmm

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