I am a total screw up, please help me budget.

[Tootyfilou]

Hi you clever lot, could you please give me some hints and tips to take control (at very long last) of my finances?
Long story short, DH and myself have been utter fuckwits our whole married life when it comes to money. He has taken control of the day to day finances, but I cannot blame him because I have been completely passive and not really engaged (he has not done anything behind my back, I have been fully aware of all loans etc)
The upshot of this is though we have 2 good incomes our debt, utilities and mortgage comes to over £3000 per month leaving us £1,300 to live on.
Our 2 children have gone to University this year so we are paying £400 each to them ( this sum is not in the calculations)
This is where I want advice.
We simply cannot get into any more debt, and hope to pay off all we owe in the next 3 years.
This is how I have divided up the money.
£100 per month petrol. Both have cars but need them for jobs.
£100 per week food and toiletries. I am going to try to keep this to £70 per week if I can
I want to save £500 per month, not sure if this is always going to be possible, but as we have NO savings we need to have a contingency fund .
The remaining £300 pounds was going to be £50 pounds pocket money for Dh and myself and a float of £200 pounds.
Does this sound ok? the other factor is DS is at a nearby University although living out, so if he comes home for weekends we will obviously spend slightly more on food for him.
We have no money saved for Christmas which is why I want to save £500 per month.
I am sort of ignoring the clothes issue! Dh is okay for winter clothes. I had quite a few new things last winter and am perfectly happy to look on ebay for clothes. will need new shoes though.
last question... We are payed at the end of the month, do you think I should do a store cupboard shop or not? cupboard are a bit depleted and so is freezer.
Many thanks for any advice, I realise I am an idiot... we could be having a fantastic lifestyle if we had not completely cocked up our lives, but I am absolutely determined to change.

Op
Time to drop the guilt
The past is gone now and you are doing well to be positive .
If it helps we have been in a similar position as we made massive mistakes moving house then having to move again at great cost - we cd have been mortgage free if it wasn't for me and my Dh going along with my bonkers ideas .
It's hard for you because student finance I guess will be worked out on your Income wage wize and will not take account of the debts / disposable income . We have a similar situation where people with less wage than us get a grant ( their Dc get a grant as went to uni prior to changes ) but they actually have more money as they don't have a mortgage etc .
So - I get the student bit n why you have to contribute as loans don't always even cover the Accom costs .
You sound determined ! You will chip away at this - take pleasure from it and you will sort it .
You will start to feel in control and on top of things I'm sure !

OP "We have no money saved for Christmas which is why I want to save £500 per month."

please don't tell me that means you are going to spend it on Xmas...? Hoping that's just my misunderstanding.

really worth selling stuff on Ebay - even a few small items will give £ to pay back loans. Understand why you want some cash in savings.

I sold stuff that I thought I couldn't part with for sentimental reasons - e.g. Tiffany gifts - but in reality it made much more sense to sell them and I realised that even keeping them for godchildren etc was silly because I have no idea what their taste will be.

go through all your clothes, you may have enough to last years! If you have anything with a tag in, then I do recommend ebaying that.

haircuts - if you can't face doing your own or having someone you know do it for you, there are (in London at least) the sort who will do it for £10 and they are fine.

if the cupboards and freezer are depleted, then I might do a shop but that's because I tend to worry about disasters of all kinds...!

I'm getting the impression that you feel you have spent a lot over the years without really recognising where it went, is that right? If so, you might benefit from going over card statements and getting a good sense of how it was spent so you can avoid those things in future.

good luck - you'll get there!

think about Dec 25. If no one else rushed around buying stuff, would you do it?

that's your answer. Forget it! Your kids are adults!

food, roof, bills, clothes, savings, insurance. Not clutter!

Also if you have had cards Dona poi check in case u are owed money .

P p i check that is !