Help, financial advice from noble mumsnetters.....

[Noellefielding]

I have no grasp of our financial situation and have been sloppy and inefficient about it for years. I am now so frightened and appalled by it that I just do anything but face it. I genuinely feel phobic. Please don't yell at me, I can only blame myself. I am petrified of getting it sorted out because then I will have to look at the consequences of not getting on top of it.
I would love to know if anyone else has got past a terror like panic and just faced the music and addressed slowly taking full responsibility. I am not being simply pathetic, I do feel frozen with panic. I don't want to accept how rubbish I've been at it, it's just horrendous when I think about it.

Any compassion for this terrified ostrich would be so so gratefully received. You don't need to tell me I'm an idiot, I do that myself brilliantly.

Hey,
Stop being so hard on yourself. It's easier than people think to get in a hole. We all have things that scare us. The good news is that you are not alone. The Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB) is a good place to start. They run clinics to help people sort out financial stuff. Very nice people who won't judge you - they have seen it all before. Also might be with looking at the Moneyadviceservice.org website that has various information in an easy to read set of guides, including how to prioritise debt and how to run your personal finances. It's an impartial service so you can trust what is on there. CAB may also be able to help you find a local Credit Union in case you need a short term loan to help tide you over.
The important things is to stop Ostraching (is that even a word???) and make the first step. And doing it with some initial guidance is likely to be far easier and more successful long term.
Google or call CAB today. The may be a wait list but that gives you time to assemble your paperwork into a massive pile ready to deal with it once and for all.
There isn't a problem in this world that can't be solved one way or the other, and with help you can take back control.
Good luck ! Get Mr Google up on your screen and make the call.

X

thank you Ashbee

I was an ostrich. I'm much better now though.

Have you got a partner to help you?.

Fluffy (whispers...) I married another ostrich...
(tiptoes away and hides under table with hands over eyes)

I'd start by writing down your expenses:mortgage/rent, bills, insurances, memberships etc.

Write down all income.

See how much debt you've got.

Come back here and we'll help you take the first steps :)

I am starting to really love Mn. Such lovely people on here, and allgunsblazing has a much nicer, softer approach than my bossy one. Yes, come back and we will do what we can to help.

[grins]

Ps allgunsblazing corrects itself to 'alliums basting' on my iPad, which was nice

Get YNAB. It will change your life. Seriously. Search YNAB on MN and you'll see lots of us talking about it. Or follow the link and read their forum.

You can't escape you're financial situation when you use it!

Well, this is the best day you will likely ever have for tackling the problem - I'm guessing every day it gets just a little bit worse, so however bad you find the true extent of the problem to be, it'll be better than waiting a month or a year to start this process.

Can you start by just listing the balance of every single account? This isn't the most useful measure (as YNAB would show you) but as a way to get you started. Then maybe list what you think are the fixed outgoings for your main account and comparing that to the actual outgoings, assuming you can get hold of statements easily?

The good news is that you're likely to find stuff you can cut immediately without any pain, stuff you didn't even know you were paying for. Which will give you a boost to get going.

Your finances are a joint responsibility and you deserve a big pat on the back for being the one to accept the need to get on top of things. But your DH can't just sit back and let you sort it out - even if you take responsibility for finding out exactly what 'it' is.

Noelle, I (still) have huge sympathy for you, having been there, but I'm wondering if anything has changed from when you posted similarly in November and whether you followed any of the advice then?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/credit_crunch/2239292-Finance-phobic

thank you and I have done one thing since that last post!
I have handed over a small legacy made to ds to relatives to invest for him.. I just couldn't handle the responsibility.... So I did that recently...
I will start... but it is so awful to think how stupid I've been, it literally wakes me up in a cold sweat in the early hours..
But I will start tomorrow, I commit to that! ARGGH!

hackneylady

Seriously give YNAB a whirl - it's free for 30 days, so no money to try.

thank you I will do it.

Are you on the MoneySavingExpert site?

Go here and fill out a Statement of Affairs (SOA) and let the expert pick it to shreds like this person has.
forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5239263

That is a good place to start.

Noelle we were in a similar situation. Everything was out of control, minimum payments were higher than our income, final demands, court summons ... the works. However the CAB helped us and we started a DMP.
The first step was to open all the mail and write down how much we owed everyone. Then we went through our bank statements and bills to see how much we needed to live on (food, utilities et al). This gave us an idea of how much we need to survive - it isn't very exciting but we can eat, get to work, live somewhere and have the occasional outing.
We were then advised to open a simple cash account with a cash card.... it is one of those ones that if the money isn't there then you can't spend it.
Payplan - our debt management company then contacted all of our creditors and negotiated a settlement plan on our behalf. The monthly payment was set up from the cash account for the first day after payday as were DD for all the other bills (water, gas electric, council tax, car insurance, mortgage, house insurance). Our other bank accounts were closed, credit cards cut up, non essential spending cancelled (subscritions to gyms, Netflix, magazines, after schools clubs, those random DDs that you were never sure what they were for).
It will have taken us 6 years to pay back all we owed, but the relief of knowing that the situation isn't getting worse and is going to end soon is fantastic - I could sleep again, I stopped having panics, DH's depression has lifted.
Although it has been hard and monotonous we have learnt some skills that we would have never had bothered with - I have gone in a big way for DIY and added value food (homebrewing, growing my own, bread making, jams, chutneys etc) I now see it as a challenge to think hmmm that looks good at a specialty shop and go home and make it on a domestic scale. I have also learnt how to sew, knit, crochet and follow my own style so I don't end up buying clothes that I would wear once and then be out of fashion. I can bind books (Christmas gifts), printing (invites, posters, gift wraps & cards), service my own car, clean windows, decorate a house, propagate plants, smoke food, make cheese, simple plumbing, understand spice mixing, learnt to barter goods & services .... If I hadn't had to I would have done none of these things.