I have massively fucked up our finances

[Skintorama]

I've just been scooting along with my eyes shut for ages. I bit the bullet and sat down with DH to go through stuff a couple of months back and we were 14k into the credit cards, and paying interest.

We have a 13k bank loan which we took out to clear the last lot of credit card debt, there are still three years on that.

I also have a car loan that was around 14k, I think that's down to 12.5k now, 4.5 years to go. I am looking into selling the car back to the garage next month and buying a cheaper, smaller car (needed a 7 seater for work but don't anymore).

We then took out a new 0% cc and shifted stuff around, so we're not paying any interest now, but having totted up all the balances today we are now £16k into the cards. I know some of that is fees, but it's also that we've managed to piss £800 away over our budget in the last two months, and we have paid the balance of our holiday (£700).

It's completely unsustainable. About 6k of the debt was court fees, and 5k was our kitchen overspend. The rest is just spending.

Help me. Please give me all your best advice and tips. I seem to just be failing miserably at this. We have over 4k a month coming in and I don't understand how we overspend every single month, it's nuts.

I earn around 1600 every month, and out of this I pay for all the costs associated with childminding, food trips out etc. When I do my tax return I deduct all of these, plus wear and tear, heating, council tax (all proportionally) and it brings my taxable income down to under 10k. I suppose it would make more business sense to talk about my income as net but it seems a bit false, as most of the cm expenses are expenses I'd have anyway if I was at home with ds2.

Dhs income is 2400 net.

I earn around 1600 every month, and out of this I pay for all the costs associated with childminding, food trips out etc. When I do my tax return I deduct all of these, plus wear and tear, heating, council tax (all proportionally) and it brings my taxable income down to under 10k. I suppose it would make more business sense to talk about my income as net but it seems a bit false, as most of the cm expenses are expenses I'd have anyway if I was at home with ds2.

Dhs income is 2400 net.

Uh stupid phone, sorry.

Ignore all the lectures about what you shouldn't have bought. Start from now.

Write down everything you spend on a daily basis and then use it to create a monthly spreadsheet of expenditure. Cut back where you can. Moneysaving expert has a budget planner which is good.

List the debts and create a plan for paying them back. Google the snowball debt method. That has suggestions.

Don't debt again. Ever. Not even once.

You will be free sooner than you think.

Good luck.

Oh, and the kitchen wasn't really an overspend, I inherited 5k when my Grandad died and we decided to use it for the kitchen. When we looked into it and got quotes and did research, 10k was the realistic fugure we arrived at, that's what we budgeted for (there was some building work involved as well) and that's what we spent. It went on a 0% card and we shoudl have paid it off by now but see above for my general twattery.

There is actually loads of room to trim the shopping budget. Things like, I use a whole pack of eight chicken breasts for one meal for seven people. That is ridiculous. I'm going to halve that and they can have more rice, potato, pasta or whatever.

Ditto all the meat, actually, I'm making sausage pasta for tea and I'm going to halve the amount of sausages, I doubt anyone will even notice.

I reckon I can HALVE the food costs without anyone even feeling it.

I'm going to start leaving my purse at home and only taking money for parking and entry fees when we go out, so no quick trips to the shop for a snack or drink, I'll take stuff out with us.

No wine....(this is an easy way of saving loads, actually )

We are going on holiday at the end of the month but it's self catering and we can actually use the kitchen and supermarket instead of eating out every day, and there's no need to pay for any activities (we dont' usually to be fair) so it needn't cost us much more than a week at home, although it will cost a fair bit in diesel to get there. Too late to cancel without losing all our money though.

The rest is just saying no to the frittery spends. I know we can live on less than £500pm for food/petrol/spends because we've done it before. I just need to retrain my brain.

One small thing you can do is to have a sealed money tin into which you put all your change/£2 or similar. We have one which can only be opened with a tin opener, for £2 coins. It has been going about 3 months & has, I'd estimate, £200 in it. We haven't missed that money, but we will certainly notice it when we open it & use that to put towards credit cards.

If you can do 5 little things each week that save you £5 each, that's £25, which is £1300 per year. As the big chain supermarket says, Every Little Helps

That never worked for me confused. We never have cash on us. Everything is paid for by debit card. We're financial nightmares!

OP, I'm glad you've mentioned wine - I noticed you had a subscription (now cancelled) as well as buying top up bottles, that will have been adding a fair bit to your spending.

And yes, you can definitely stretch the meat out a bit, I've been guilty of cooking a 3-pack of chicken fillets for a meal for two adults and one toddler. Realistically, you do not need one chicken fillet per person, so now I buy the 3-packs and open them, and freeze the fillets in twos, in freezer bags. (Any less than that and DH complains that the meat is a bit sparse, he's a proper carnivore.)

I was given one of those money boxes that you have to smash open to get at the money. It said on the box that if you fill it with £2 coins it holds £1000. We've had it about 2.5 years and it is now nearly full. I'd never have had the patience to save all that in a normal money box, I'd have raided it long ago, but the mental block against breaking it has really worked for us.

I'm not sure I've got anything to add, as you have had a lot of great advice, but I have been in debt and got myself out of it with four years of very frugal living, so I know how hard it is. You're on the right track though, your new attitude is right, and I think you'll be able to do it quite quickly. Good luck :)

A detailed budget is your friend, Skintorama - allocated amounts for all the variable costs like food, petrol, fun, clothes etc, and mark off spends from each budget against it, so you can see if you are overspending. You can juggle money between the different pots if needed (unexpected bill etc), but the basic is to set amounts for each budget, and meticulously record what you spend. It has worked for us.

I never see the point in lecturing, were not kids. Some people genuinely don't know how to save money off the household budget.

A handful of oats in mince dishes disappears, it doesn't make it go further but it's more filling, dh doesn't ask for pudding when I do this.

But I think when someone has very poor financial self-control, a reality check is more helpful.

We all have different mindsets and attitudes regarding money. OP I think your biggest problem is that you seem to be disorganized when it comes to finances. I don't think reusing teabags or jotting down every single 20p you spend is going to help you, it's just going to distract you.
You didn't get into debt because you are a bad person or a fool, but because things happen (like legal fees).
I would suggest that you try to cut down your biggest expenses first, and set up a realistic payment plan for your debt. Also trying to increase your income in sensible ways (like a better paying job) and putting the extra money towards paying off the debt is much more realistic then making a few pennies on Ebay.

If you search my username you will find we are in exactly the same mess. Over four k coming in, debt and bills are three eight. Can't cut out anything else.

I am not suggesting jotting down every 20p - and I apologise for not making that clear.

Dh and I do write down everything spent on the debit card, even if that is only a small amount (I play Candy crush and sometimes buy a 69p booster - that goes out of the bank account, so it gets recorded, not because 69p is a break-the-bank sum but because enough small amounts can add up frighteningly fast).

Money in my purse/dh's wallet comes from our allowances - if I take £10 out of the cashpoint, that gets written down - I don't write down every time I spend £1 from my purse on whatever.

We really have found that it helped to be this controlled and rigorous over recording our expenditure - we are not perfect, but usually get to the end of each month pretty close to where dh thinks we should be (he runs the spreadsheet and knows the totals - I know where to find the info if I need it, but don't have it committed to memory as he seems to have).

SDTGis- I'm sorry if I sounded rude or like I was putting down your advice- not my intention at all! I was trying to say that for someone with a serious amount of debt their focus shouldn't be on the pennies but the pounds. And you are right- being organized and knowing what you spend is key in staying on top of your finances. So again- I'm sorry!

Something that works really well for me is making Mondays my financial days. I go over my latest bills, statements and receipts. I pay what needs to be paid, see what we are spending our money on, file what needs to be filed and see what we can cut back on. This helps me balance our finances for the rest of the month and allows me to put more into our savings account if we have extra.

I don't sweat the really small stuff like if DH buys himself a coffee once a week while he's working. But I do go over our cellphone bill etc in great detail. We were able to save $30 a month by making just one very small change. Just by shopping at Aldi's helped cut our grocery bill by 40% a month.

OP in your situation I would focus on getting those credit card bills paid off before the car loan. Having a spreadsheet that tracks your progress will help keep you motivated. You also need to have a serious talk with your DH and DC. The whole family needs to be onboard. Agree not to buy each other birthday gifts. Explain to everyone that you'll be eating simple meals (some great suggestions on this thread) and not eating out at all. Christmas will be lean- have the kids make cards or send e-cards online, and again agree not to buy each other gifts.

I also think that learning how to do things that you would otherwise pay someone else to do is a better use of your time then making pin money ebaying or ironing for someone. My DH figured out how to fix our microwave when it broke, saving us from buying a new one. When we renovated we did all the painting ourselves, saving thousands and just paying for the cost of the paint. My DH cuts his and his son's hair himself, and I do my own mani- and pedicures and colour my own hair.

I have noticed that people who overspend often shop without looking at the prices of things. They can't understand where all their money is going, since they're not out buying luxury items or clothes etc. But every day things like toothpaste, bin bags, cleaning supplies etc. can be really expensive and the prices can vary a lot from place to place. If you don't feel like chasing bargains then try getting all of that stuff from Poundland or Aldi. I really couldn't care less what brands I use as long as they work and fit into my budget.

Some brilliant stuff here, thanks all of you for taking the time to post.

I have put all my credit cards in a bag in the freezer (!) so that I have to actually think about every single purchase, I'll either have to have the cash on me or make a specific trip to the freezer to get the cards out. We needed milk earlier and I sent DD with the correct money, rather than nipping over myself and getting milk, wine, snacks, more fruit etc.

I have cancelled this week's food delivery, which would have been £120, because we have plenty in the cupboards and freezer. I'm going to set a limit of £60 for next week's shop, we have nappies and cleaning stuff so that's just for food.

I have two interviews next week and if I get either job it will mean the loss of around £800pm to start with after childcare BUT I still think it will be better for us financially, I'll have much less opportunity for random spending and plus (big plus) DH will be doing the shopping and cooking and he is a million times more frugal than me. Also it will be a defined income rather than my self employed income which is unsteady.

As soon as I have a job and can stop CMing, I can sell most of my equipment as well, car seats, double buggy, travel cots, toys. And of course I can hand the car back to the garage and replace it with a small cheap car, I have already spoken to them and they are happy to buy it back and clear the finance.

£800 a month is £9600 a year. Are you sure you will be better off? It's quite a pay cut.

That' good news about the car skinto

HoneyStepMummy - you didn't sound rude at all - I wasn't clear and I needed that pointing out so I could be clear. I knew what I meant - but the. I would, wouldn't I?

It depends how you look at it, because actually if you look at my profit from CMing compared to my prospective wage from employment, then I am better off (marginally).

And the life benefits are going to be massive, no more house full of children and toys and equipment, my children will be happier (they hate me cming, mostly), DH can come home to a quiet house with just his own DC in residence instead of ww3 every day, I'll be happier...

skint CMing can be very hard, stressful work. I did it for a year and the impact on family life Monday to Friday is pretty big. I understand why you're looking to career change.

You're doing so well, Skintorama.