I think I'm obsessed with money...

[FlouncyMcFlouncer]

... (or with the lack of money).

In all seriousness, I was thinking this morning about my life and past, and that money has been a huge thread running through everything. I was obsessed with money as a child, always looking for ways to make money, searching in the street for it, selling my toys, making notepaper to sell, you name it I did it. I was also lightfingered where other folks cash was concerned as a child but looking back, I honestly think it was a compulsion to get my hands on cash rather than a deliberate intention to deprive the other person.

I have always had a thing about money boxes, purses, money tins, organising money, bank accounts, spreadsheets, counting what I have, keeping a running total in my mind, making more money.

From all of this you'd think I was miserly, but in fact it's the opposite - as well as being obsessed with accumulating money, I'm a spendthrift and it goes through my hands like water. It's as though these two sides of my personality are at war - the worst aspect being gambling, as I get a buzz from the idea of winning and and an even bigger buzz if I actually win. the lows from losing are horrendous though.

Don't get me wrong, we're not in difficulty over gambling, I'm just musing really on my reasons for doing it. When thinking it through this morning I realised that money is constantly on mind, almost every second of the day.

Is this a recognised condition, do you think? Do psychologists have a name for money addicts?

a spendthrift is someone who doesn't spend, not someone who does.
it's where the word thrifty comes from.

but i know exactly what you mean.
I used to have savings all over the place, have always been obsessed to the last penny with budgetting and not spending and saving etc, and now, I'm haemorraging the stuff and I can't seem to get a grip on it (if it weren't for the business, I'd be fine)

at the moment, every time I try something to save or make money, I end up spending more because of breaking terms of contract, or having to buy more than i need in order to get the extra discount (and it taking a long time to make back etc)

ignore me, i'm a twat.
I have just googled the meaning of spendthrift.

please noone flame me for being a no-it-all-ignoramus.

36 years. i've thought it meant thrifty.

i found a meaning

Yes, I knew what it meant when I said it .

Flouncy I'm the same. I was just thinking of this recently. We don't lack money. DH and I work and we earn good money and we have never got into any debt (well, credit cards paid off every month). Only debt is DH's student loan (will be paid up very soon) and our rather hefty mortgage. But I've always worried about money. I check my bank account several times a day via my iPhone (damn you, HSBC's fast balance check app!). I sell stuff on, I always make sure I get deals when buying stuff etc. I don't spend on myself but am very generous to those I love (family coming over to visit soon from a long way away and I've booked us a few days away in the UK in a nice cottage and Paralympics tickets) and DH gets very nice presents. I never feel I have enough money though theoretically, I do. We don't go without.

I do have some insight into why I am the way I am though. I saw a psychotherapist a while ago (in my early 20s) and the issue of money came up. I have issues with parental abandonment and sexual abuse in my childhood and my psychotherapist thinks because of those issues, I have this pathological urge to hoard money so that I never have to depend on anyone else (as those who are supposed to love me have let me down when I was most vulnerable). I understand all that but I don't really know how to get out of it iykwim? Would like to see what other people's thoughts are. Do you have 'issues' in your childhood that might have triggered your obsession with money?

I have spent my whole life thinking spendthrift meant thrifty. at how often I have got that wrong in public. And me so judgemental of people who misuse words, too.

Angel - interesting post.
I wasn't abused in any way, but there wasn't a lot of money when I was growing up.
The thing is though, that I don't ever remember that being explained. My parents, my father especially, was a firm believer in 'Do as your told, don't ask questions, children don't need explanations.'. So rather than 'No, you can't have that, sorry we can't afford it' I was simply told 'No you can't have that'.
I have strong memories of feeling 'deprived' compared to my friends - there was food on the table and clothes on my back but my friends had Barbie and all her accessories, I had a cheap copy doll with home made clothes etc. My friends had the correct school uniform, I had second hand or a hand knitted jumper. My bike was my mum's old fold-up shopper bike when everyone else had a BMX, my friends had seemingly unlimited pocket money and I did not.

I'm not trying to tell a sob story because obviously as an adult I know now that money was tight, my parents had overextended themselves with their mortgage and my mother couldn't work due to ill-health, eventually they had their home repossessed. But whilst I can see it as an adult, as a child it seemed that we lived in a house just like all my friends, my dad had a 'good job' (he was a casino manager which seemed very grand to me) and my mum 'didn't have to work'.

I think this led to me feeling that I was hard-done-by, and perhaps started my obsession with money.

what There, there! It's okay. Have a hug, you seem more scarred by your mistake than Flouncy or me!

Flouncy If you look deep enough into anyone's psyche, you will find that money is one thing that everyone has some 'particular' habit/obsession/trait that is almost unique to them and can be traced back to how their parents were with their money, their past etc. My DH is generous to a fault. His dad is the same too with money - if they have it, it goes like that!

He is getting better though thanks to a few close shaves where his 'accounts' didn't balance... I find it very hard to watch my DH spend money. I am probably one of the very few MNetters on here who advocate separate accounts. I need my own money to 'feel secure' and in control. My line to DH is that as long as our mortgage/bills are paid, I'm not really bothered how he spends his money. He earns a lot more than me so I have one of his supplementary credit card and he will never control what I spend on it but again, I find it hard to spend money on myself (I think this is linked to my lack of self-worth due to what happened in the past). Luckily he is very generous with me and I like spending on my DCs instead. I think being with DH has taught me to be less obsessed with 'hoarding' money and spending it and vI've taught him to think twice before just splashing out on something!

My psychotherapist says I need to stop 'hoarding' money, he said no matter how much I have, it will never be enough! He made the point that I am physically able, clever and driven and will never (ok, not never, but you know what I mean?!) 'want' for money as I will always work. I try to live more in the moment now but it's hard! :)

angel - it was me that made the initial mistake - what was obviously just making me feel better by admitting the same mistake
what

nickel Here's a hug for you! I'm almost 36 and I still have problems spelling thruma? Truama? Thruma> Arghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

angel -that's an interesting theory.
I think mine might have come through childhood issues, but more the fact that I take after my dad completely, who has always been exactly the same - he paid off the mortgage in 12 years (in the days when a mortgage was affordable on a normal working man's wage!) so that they didn't have the debt hanging over them, and he always drew out of the bank the exact same amount every week, and nothing else could be spent (unless big or seasonal purchase, in which case it had to be paid for using the cheque book, and woe betide my mum if she didn't fill the stub in completely! ))
said cheque book had to have a minimum amount in all the time, just in case a cheque was slow to be cashed.
he has always been obsessed with money and expenditure!

funnily enough, my little sister is very thrifty - if she is given £10 by her DH (without sounding "little woman here's your housekeeping) to buy something, instead of just using the change later, she'd put it in a savings account.
it came in very useful once when they needed to buy something large (it was the washing machine or fridge or something broke down) and she produced this savings book with a few hundred quid in it!
but my big sister has always been a spender. she can save for a specific thing, like a holiday, but has never been able to just save.

trauma?
i can't say necessararararararily.

The lack of money in your childhood left you feeling, not insecure, but frustrated. You would have liked the finer things in life but the withholding of money (for reasons you didn't appreciate at the time) meant they weren't accessible. You therefore see money as a means to an end i.e. to have better stuff, a better life and be a better person, rather than a good thing in itself. You want what others have and to live the life others live, and you are prepared to take risks to get it straight away That same blend of motivation and ambition can lead someone to start a business or embark on a life of crime.

It makes perfect sense that you gamble, therefore, because winning is a risky but potentially speedy short-cut to wealth. Because you see money as a means to an end it also makes pefect sense that you don't hang onto it once you've got it. I believe your core bad habit is that you are a compulsive/impulsive spender and the rest of your behaviour is largely driven by the need to feed that habit.

BTW Someone from the same background and with similar experiences, but who is risk-averse would be a hoarder or miser. Their core problem is insecurity and they need money in the bank to feel safe.

I think many, many people are messed up/obsessed with money. And I say this in all seriousness.

Our first judgements of others, if we're honest, tend to be to try to work out how much money they have, how much they earn, how much they paid for their house.

When we're feeling flush, we look for ways to splash cash, when we're broke, we agonise over every bill.

We confuse money with our self worth, our other worth and the point of being alive.

We are, most of us, totally screwed up about money.

Cogito You put it very well. treadheavily I hear you too!

There are a lot of extenuating circumstances that can influence your attitude to money but I think parents have a huge influence. I am just like my dad, very thrifty and never spend more than I need to on something and will wear something till it falls to bits before buying anything new (I am just like that ) but he is also very generous to others (just like me!). My brother, on the other hand, is a complete miser. He also has a very anxious personality and I think his personality has contributed to that element of being really stingy. While I've got a very bubbly and optimistic outlook so my 'carefulness' with money tends to be set off against that so I still sometimes have fun!

Cogito that makes perfect sense.

Next - should I attempt to deal with it in some way?

It depends if it is a problem. There are many more people who spend more than they have than those who don't spend enough. It's only a problem if you get into a Benny Hill situation (he was very rich but lived in a tiny flat and hardly spent a penny ever and just hoarded it all up). Occasionally you learn about a llittle old lady who looked quite poor and she dies with £1m and had just saved all the money all her life. If it is not hurting your life then it's sensible if you save.

One reason I am reasonably well off at my age is that we both in the marriage invested, kept spending low whilst buying 2 flats to let out etc and were not going out spending in the way other people were, had second hand furniture, got children's clothes in jumble sales.

Mine is the other way round - I spend it as soon as I get it then frantically focus on getting more...

There are all kinds of ideas you can try to help with the compulsive spending.

• Deliberately make it more difficult to spend money. Leave cards at home for example.
• Set yourself personal financial challenges like trying to last a week on just £10 cash or not gambling for a month
• Set up a standing order timed straight after you get paid to put a chunk of money each month into an account that requires a long notice period and is not accessible online.
• Find alternative absorbing activities to browsing, window-shopping, totting up your bank account etc.
• Consider counselling.

Flouncy I think we have all established here that we all have 'issues' with money! I guess the problem begins if you get into debt or become addicted to gambling? Otherwise I suspect we all drift along in life 'dealing' with our money issues on a day-to-day basis.

My parents have been married for 42 years and have never disagreed about money. (I asked them!) They disagree about other stuff but not money - I find that incredible.

I'm okay about money, but my OH is hugely obsessed although he doesn't see it that way of course . I don't need a fancy car, big house, lot's of posessions etc, but what I do need in an irrational way is food. And of course it takes money to achieve a full pantry, and I mean full. That comes from my insecurities. I don't need to eat constantly, as long as the cupboards are filled to bursting point so that we can eat I'm happy. That's my equivalent of squirrelling away every penny.

I have huge issues with money...i was diagnosed with kleptomania when i was younger and still feel recovering due to these issues.

Mine is atm that I hate to spend money on anything full price. Be it food clothes etc i never pay full price for anything. I even only go out ifs it 2-for-1 eg orange wednesdays etc. If find if i do pay full price I beat myself up over it get stress and cna become depressed...even over £5

With that though means i cannot resist buying something cheap even if i cant.really afford it just cos its in the sale. I did sell them on ebay and make money for a while but now my account is suspended cos i couldnt afford to post items bought!

I hate it and im always skint. I just wish i could change.

Areliatve of mine is obsessed with money - really mean - charges you for a coffe e if out with them,wont part with a penny.was well off when little and has lots of money but wdnt give youa fiver if you needed it - and i woud not ask- wd love to know whats going on there.................

I think next to weight, money is probably most people's key obsession. I know I think about both almost all the time. I think we absorb so many lessons about money from our parents and we are bombarded with so many messages. And with many of us there is poverty in the background. For example, anyone over 40 was probably the child of people who grew up during or just after the war and that was such a poor period in history. And then there has been two massive booms and busts. And the message is spend spend spend. You're worth it. No wonder it's hard to find our own way through the maze.