Relative possibly passed covid to immunecompromised child

[LolaMacbeth]

I need to vent...

My relative lives with me and my preteen, my child is immunecompromised, this is caused by the medication she takes that controls her medical condition, which is chemo in small doses.

My child is considered vunerable and has been for more than a year now, he knows this.

Yet he still pranced around in the house, coughing obnoxiously, denying his ill when I asked when clearly he is. Bringing his girlfriend also ill to the house, waking us up at night, going up and down the stairs, opening and closing doors, talking loudly.

I'm so close to explode.

We didn't even go to a family gathering because some of the people going were down with nasty colds and flu. And here he comes without a care in the world not cleaning after himself, no washing hands nothing.

My child is now off school with covid , fever, cough sore throat and exhausted. If she gets worse it's the hospital with her. And I off work... I know she can get it from anywhere but if we can avoid it, if you were down with something and you lived with a vunerable child wouldn't you be careful? Is it asking for much?

I'm at my wits end... I feel like there's no respect, no one cares, I feel like my family doesn't take my child illness seriously... and it's hurtful, it sadnes me so much that people think they can play with my child's health like this.

My understanding was that the best way to contain infection is for both the patient and the immune compromised child to be wearing medical grade masks. So how did this actually play out? Did OP have her child in a mask and ask the relative to wear one also but they refused? In which case would she not have isolated the child in her room for the duration to keep her safe if the consequences are as serious as she says and then make moves to evict the family member when they recovered assuming that they are not relied upon to contribute financially to the house?

Is your child going to school every day?

You control the home environment for your child, and that includes the adults you choose to live with.

You also are in charge of the medical response to your child's illness - contacting the consultant team/lead nurse for advice including anti virals.

If antivirals are not part of the treatment plan, why is that? Is it possible that your child's treatment is not leaving them as immuno compromised as you thought? What is the protocol for exposure at school to cpox/measles etc?

Sorry to hear this but if he lives there where else is he meant to go? I hope your child is OK but trying to avoid an airborne highly infectious virus was always going to fail sometime given that none of the measures are 100% in preventing spread.

I'm sorry, as well. My first post was harsh. I do get it. And it's upsetting to see relatives not show care. That's probably the worst part of it

First red flag is why you have a relative living with you and your child? You are clearly not happy with his behaviour and (making assumptions here) he seems fairly young due bringing girlfriends home and making a racket. Is he paying you rent? Was he kicked out from home? Does he not earn enough or is unable to live by himself?

This is no consolation but it's not very surprising that a male adult who is unable to live independently doesn't care about covid regulations or immunocompromised family members. All the red flags were there already. You need to kick him out if you feel this incident was serious enough, or you have to treat him like a much older, unemployed son which is essentially what this dynamic seems to be.

The issue with isolating in a room is they do still have to come out to use the bathroom. I can do this effectively as I have an ensuite, so could put the child in there. If you don't have that, it's difficult.

I had a relative coming to stay and they mentioned they had a cold on their way here. They were sent straight to a hotel (they know the deal here). The next day they were really sick. I might not be able to avoid the cold my immune compromised child could get next week or next month, but I can avoid this one and have. That's what it's about really. Risk minimisation and just doing the best you can. Sickness is inevitable. It can hopefully be reduced.

When they do get sick you then go to the next stage which is doing everything you can trying to keep them out of hospital.

You haven't said which relative it is OP. Is it your DH? If so, make him do the sitting in A and E for hours if they end up there.

@kittenseverywhere so the child can’t isolate in her room with no bathroom but mother off work and able to bring food and drink to her as required but relative who lives in the house should have isolated with no bathroom and also no access to food or drink during OP’s working hours. That doesn’t sound workable at all to me!

I can understand that the OP is worried about her child but blaming the relative seems like an outrageous overreaction in the circumstances.

I don't think she's blaming the relative, she's just unhappy at his inconsiderate lack of effort to prevent spreading it around the household. Unfortunately by the time someone has symptoms it's already too late and all you can do is keep your fingers crossed at that point.

In this case I'd suggest the relative isolate in their room but come out to use the bathroom, get food, etc, with a mask on, wash their hands regularly and just try. One of my family members did this (not the compromised one) and they were the only one to not get Covid. It can work.

It's not hard or unfair to expect people to just try their best.