Relative possibly passed covid to immunecompromised child

[LolaMacbeth]

I need to vent...

My relative lives with me and my preteen, my child is immunecompromised, this is caused by the medication she takes that controls her medical condition, which is chemo in small doses.

My child is considered vunerable and has been for more than a year now, he knows this.

Yet he still pranced around in the house, coughing obnoxiously, denying his ill when I asked when clearly he is. Bringing his girlfriend also ill to the house, waking us up at night, going up and down the stairs, opening and closing doors, talking loudly.

I'm so close to explode.

We didn't even go to a family gathering because some of the people going were down with nasty colds and flu. And here he comes without a care in the world not cleaning after himself, no washing hands nothing.

My child is now off school with covid , fever, cough sore throat and exhausted. If she gets worse it's the hospital with her. And I off work... I know she can get it from anywhere but if we can avoid it, if you were down with something and you lived with a vunerable child wouldn't you be careful? Is it asking for much?

I'm at my wits end... I feel like there's no respect, no one cares, I feel like my family doesn't take my child illness seriously... and it's hurtful, it sadnes me so much that people think they can play with my child's health like this.

I’m so sorry OP, there are no words for people like this. I hope you little one recovers well.
Does your relative have to live with you moving forward from this?

It's hard to comment without knowing the relationship and why they live with you.

I'm not excusing the behaviour, but just pointing out that suggesting how to respond to it is impossible without more information.

I hope every one of the dickheads who sneer at any mention of covid and insist it's "just a cold" reads this, OP. The irresponsible nonsense they peddle is driving behaviour like your idiot relative's. I would struggle to look at him again. I hope your daughter recovers soon.

Is your child eligible for antivirals?

Why does the relative live with you? I would be telling them to leave, your child comes first

Why do they live with you? What is their relation to you?

Sounds like you want him to move out. Also sounds like that might be best for you and your DD.

My child is in the same situation and takes antivirals for Covid. They have been in hospital. Personally, unless it's another child or something, I'd be asking anyone who lives with me to move out if they have no respect for my child's health like that.

Time to kick the relative out.

I'd be furious.

I’d be livid

Can you get antivirals?

Does the relative live in your house, you in their house or is it a shared house?

I’d be making plans to live without them. We had one relative who didn’t take seriously the threat to DD4 until she was in icu. They’ve apologised but I’ll never truly forgive.

Thank you for the comments.

I just wanted to vent because I feel like there's no understanding... he has said he will move this year but I'm waiting...

I didn't know there were antivirals, my child's nurse should have probably mentioned them. I will call the GP tomorrow.

It is understandable you are furious, however, your next steps really depend on who the relative is, and the context of your living arrangements. The bottom line is, you need to protect your child and that means not living with someone who would wilfully and knowingly put them at risk. How that happens is dependant on the context.

I'm sorry to hear this. Hope DC recovers well and no long term effects.

I would impose strict conditions on your relative (assuming you are the owner and he is living in your house). Weekly tests administered in your presence, masking and isolation when ill, if he doesn't like it he can move out. Your house, your rules, especially if your child's health is at stake.

Also keep ventilating your house to dilute the viral load in the air, and if you can, purchase HEPA air purifiers for common areas to trap viral particles. Make sure toilet lid is closed when flushing as COVID is present in poo and flushing aerosolises it so you can breathe it in, and ventilate bathrooms/toilets well.

I am immunocompromised due to being on biologics for IBD. I've recently had covid for the first time and the antivirals really stopped it in its tracks. You have to start taking them within 5 days of symptoms starting so if you haven't already, call your GP or 111 to see if your DC is eligible.

As for the relative, if they're going to live in your house they need to play by your rules. They're not willing to do that. Stop being so passive and tell them they're leaving. I know it's not as easy as that but you're obviously making things too cosy for them so realistically are they going to leave if you don't force them to?

If child attends school you run this risk each day. Yes expect more sensitivity from relative but you cannot avoid the risk entirely whatever their behaviour.

There's a big difference between necessary risk and unnecessary risk.

Just because a child runs the gauntlet of illness to get an education shouldn't make it a free for all for relatives around them to take no care.

I'm so sorry. Hope the accommodation issue can get sorted so relative can move.

LIZS
If child attends school you run this risk each day. Yes expect more sensitivity from relative but you cannot avoid the risk entirely whatever their behaviour.

"There's a big difference between necessary risk and unnecessary risk.

Just because a child runs the gauntlet of illness to get an education shouldn't make it a free for all for relatives around them to take no care."

Policy is to maximise the risk in many schools - a loathsome policy. She shouldn't have to face it in her home as well. It's a bit like being covid positive and visiting a 'friend' with a baby and saying she could catch it at the doctor's.

Policy is to maximise the risk in many schools - a loathsome policy.

It is indeed loathsome

Parents at my DD4’s SEN school are ready to get up in arms if the HT faces sanction from the powers that be. She finds staff who test positive things to do away from the children and other staff and covers their duties. All the staff are happy with it as many of the children (and a couple of staff) are vulnerable. The school lost a pupil to covid at the height of the pandemic so they’re very aware of it. Someone at the LA is grumbling about thought as it’s “not policy”.

If you have a vulnerable child who’s not considered eligible for anti virals or the Covid jab and is attending school normally then unfortunately this is life isn’t it? I can understand you being angry with a family member being so insensitive and inconsiderate but ultimately your child can’t avoid infection if they attend school and it’s perhaps better to have it before winter hits ?

If you feel this relative is not taking basic steps to keep illness away from your child the I would ask them to leave. Rather than waiting give him a date he needs to be out by, and if there is an issue explain his lack of care around illness has forced your hand.
Hope your child recovers well.

Those of us dealing with this are well aware of this. We can do our best though and we would never have someone in our home with a known infection. Then when a household member does have an infection, we take more measures to protect the compromised person than others might need to. Not the same at all.

You can at least minimise the number of times they get it. A sick relative in the home is something that can be controlled for, unless the relative is inconsiderate and selfish.

If he lives with you and catches Covid, it’s likely your child is also going to catch it surely? Short of him barricading himself in his bedroom until he tests negative (is it en suite and would you have been willing to bring all his meals and snacks to the room for him)?

The girl friend coming over is a different story though but if this was at night after your child had gone to bed, or if they stayed in his room and steered clear of the common areas, they probably thought that was ok.

I have a horrible cold at the moment which I caught from my husband and my youngest child also has it. We’ve all tested negative for Covid but feel rotten. My husband wasn’t prancing round the house to infect us with it though - it just passed as an airborne virus because we were all living in the same house. I’d rather he hadn’t passed it on of course but not sure how he could have avoided it!

Well as she knew he was sick, why didn’t she take those measures to keep her child safe then? Your post makes no sense - the child wasn’t infected by a visitor but by a family member living in the same house.

It sounds like the family member wasn't being considerate and was letting their sickness all hang out. They could have isolated in their room as much as possible and worn a mask when they came out. Some of us had to do that before Covid even existed. Your post just reflects that you've never had to live on this edge.