High risk - how far do you take it?

[cakedup]

If you are considered high risk, what limitations do you have on yourself and your partner/family/friends? Posting here to get some perspective.

My partner has multiple health issues which classify him as high risk. We have both been vacinnated. We have both been very careful during the worst of covid (i.e. practically in lock down for 2 years).

DP is currently happy to visit restaurants, go to the cinema and the pub – which we do together. I take public transport to get to his house and sometimes we take cabs. He says he does these things both for me/us, and to avoid otherwise being a prisoner in his own home (he works from home, health allowing/self employed).

However, my job traditionally involves visiting schools which I did stop during the height of covid and dramatically cut down since then. However, the time has come now that I can’t really keep avoiding visiting schools. I’ve been in my role for 7 years (been with DP for 4 years) and love my job. He is not going to approve of my going back into schools but I cannot avoid it any longer so would need to leave my employment otherwise.

I see him once during the week and I stay over at weekends. Yesterday, before visiting him, I told him I had a tickly throat, offered to do a covid test. He said it would be so unlikely that I’ve caught covid given my activities over the last few days and urged me to come anyway. Today he has a slight cough and apparently his GP was very annoyed with him. He was due an important/medical medical examination today which she has now had to cancel because he may have covid, and told him ‘what part of high risk do you not understand?’

Of course I do not want to jeopardise his health and have done my best to support him over the last few years, including taking lots of time off work. But my job is also important to me and I feel he has a tendency to make up the rules as he goes along to suit his own needs. i.e. it’s fine to go out in public when we’re going out together, but not if I need to for work. He would say that schools are the easiest places to contract covid.

Anyone in similar situations?

I am about as high risk as you can get, for multiple reasons. (Over 50% mortality rate with my condition before vaccine). I shielded completely. However I am also a teacher. I went back to work with consultant’s blessing in September 2021.
I am amazed your dp's gp said that. All my consultants and gp basically said that I know the risks, but this is as good as it’s going to get and we all have to live or what’s the point. Ti do what I feel comfortable with. That’s obviously different for everyone. I have now had covid 3 times (had seven vaccines but immuno suppressed).
I understand that your dp has been doing this for so long but I am afraid I would have lost my patience by now. Once he starts living a bit more normally I think he will get used to it very quickly

I'm considered very high risk and also on immune suppression medication
My life is now back to normal
In fact, i had covid about 6 weeks ago and just felt tired for a few days and had a bit of a sore throat

Pretty ridiculous that he's happy to go out in public but unhappy for you to return to work

Really useful to know DonkeyFacedCunt

To be honest I was already doubting that his GP said that exactly. DP's nature is that he is a bit controlling and now that health issues have come into it, it's muddied the waters and made it difficult for me to know what my boundaries should be.

Obviously I know it's a risk, and if do give him covid and he dies then it'll be a tragedy and something I have to live with for the rest of my life. However, I do feel he uses covid when it suits him. He takes other health risks i.e. smokes (indoors, so I'm also forced to passive smoke) and drinks heavily at weekends.

I think it's double standards too but like i said...he'll point to schools/children being the worst spreaders

Him going to the pub, cinema, public transport is surely more risk that you going somewhere/ to school, given you can avoid him at any first sign of illness, although it sounds like you did that already and he agreed to see you anyway which is actually his fault.

Woooooaahhhhhh

He takes other health risks i.e. smokes (indoors, so I'm also forced to passive smoke) and drinks heavily at weekends.

He has multiple health issues which classify him as high risk, expects you to give up your job which you said you have already taken time off from but is still drinking and smoking?

Whatever his health conditions are, you going out to work are no more of a risk than him going to pubs/restaurants/cinemas and drinking and smoking which will inevitably be MAKING HIS CONDITIONS WORSE, even if you don't visit him/become a hermit.

He sounds ridiculously controlling op. Ask to speak to his consultant at his next appointment if he expects you to quit your career for him (whilst he sits indoors risking his own life). If he says no then you know where you stand...

Couldn’t add any more to this.

I'm high risk and so is my husband. We spent a long time semi shielding until we got covid. To us both it was much less a risk than a heavy cold or the flu. Both of which have hospitalised me on the past. So now, with natural covid antibodies and vaccinations on hand, I live my life. I'm currently on a cruise ship with a thousand other people and not feeling at all anxious.

Getting covid and finding it so mild (I was the one with no symptoms) has changed the way I view it.

This would be my stance too. I am afraid I think it’s turn to call him out IMHO

I’m high risk, I just get on with my life as normal now, as does my family. My job has increased risk of coming into contact with someone that is Covid positive but after balancing the risks I did eventually go back into work. I’ve had 7 vaccines because of my health status and I’m also on immunosuppressants and have neutropenia. I had Covid a couple of weeks ago and was quite unwell, the treatment I had was excellent and I made a good recovery. You just have to live your life.

I'm immunosuppressed. I've had covid nine times. There's not much you can do to dodge it when you have shit immunity and a teacher in the house!

Also I have to use public transport as none of us drive, so I'm exposed that way too. I'm disabled and can't walk everywhere, so I have no choice but to get on packed buses.

I'm
High risk. The pandemic is officially over and people are getting on with their lives now. There's a risk every time you set foot out of the door- you could pick up a virus or get knocked down by a bus. Equally, you could choose to lock yourself away and potentially this could be detrimental to your mental health.

Just live your life now. You're a long time dead!

Thanks all, really appreciate hearing about your personal situations to give me some perspective. He belittles my job but it means a lot to me.

I’m CEV. I’m taking more precautions than other posters here - for example I wouldn’t go to a cinema, I avoid indoors where possible - eg I went out for a meal today in a spacious and airy place but I avoid being indoors anywhere crowded. I find it pretty easy in summer to do so and still get out and about. This is me more relaxed as I’m not currently having treatment. When I’m in active treatment I am stricter on no mixing indoors at all. (Partly for me and partly because I don’t want to be the one spreading Covid round oncology wards).

I wouldnt expect you to limit your work. At all.
I can image a doctor saying to limit contact with anyone ill. If I run a temperature I have to go to A&E and be admitted to an isolation ward for a weeks antibiotics. it would be irresponsible of me to mix with someone knowingly ill.

I do think it’s a bit batshit that you didn’t take a Covid test - that should be automatic. I don’t understand why he said not to bother! But given he did it doesn’t sound like he’s taking the precautions he can to avoid Covid so asking you not to do your job fully is taking the piss.

OP I worked in school throughout covid and didn't catch covid despite it spreading like wildfire.

I DID catch it 4 weeks into the summer break and then 5 weeks into a new job wfh, so absolutely nothing to do with working with kids.

Don't sacrifice your job (your income, wellbeing, job satisfaction) when he's not only NOT making concessions for his health but actively jeopardising it.

I know a few people who are seriously immunosuppressed because of their conditions, or the meds they're on (including recipients of organs and people with nasty auto-immune disorders). NONE of them are, any longer, limiting what they do socially or for work. All of them have flown, gone to the cinema, gone back to work, eaten indoors etc. They're all vaccinated to the hilt, they get IV antivirals when they've had Covid - but they're getting on with things. OP's partner sounds unreasonable and controlling and I'd be asking him some questions about what he expects from this relationship. TBH if my partner was making a fuss about getting a bug (do you even know it's Covid?) from someone who works, but was still smoking away, that might just be a deal-breaker for me.

This, pretty much.

I've had 7 vaccinations (they don't work as well at fighting off infection for immunosuppressed people, which is why I've had it 9 times! But they do reduce severity and my experience would bear that out). I do a covid test before I inject my drugs. I wash my hands all the time just as I always did. And if there's lots of covid about I'll possibly avoid things like gigs or crowded places for a bit.

But as I said, when you've a teacher in the house and you need to use buses you're on a hiding to nothing!

One thing lockdowns taught me was that life is too short to hide away. My disease will knock a good 10 years or more off my life expectancy and before then I will probably become much more disabled than I am now (I can already see the deterioration accelerating). So I'm going to be going out and Doing Stuff while I'm able. Being pretty much locked away for a year and a half was utterly soul destroying, I could feel my time slipping away (sounds dramatic but true).

Now I feel as confident as I can be that covid isn't going to kill me as long as I'm careful (testing before I inject my drugs, getting antivirals if I need them, staying on top of boosters) life is definitely for living again.

He doesn't have full faith in covid tests!

That's interesting....I do say that there is a chance of catching covid wherever we go and also from my ds who goes to college everyday! Dp says its about limiting risks and weighing it up...again, I feel its when it suits him.

Thanks for sharing, I was wondering how careful other people with medical conditions are. I honestly dont know anyone who has been as careful as we have.

My Father decided to get back to normal, went on the tube for the first time since lock down and caught covid. Ended up in hospital and now has even less lung function than before. He was up to date with all his jabs. He is terrified of getting it again.

So sorry about your dad....I'm definitely not dismissing covid and it's severity.

I have an immunosuppressed child. She attends school. My job involves school visits. I go.

My boss was very sympathetic at the beginning of the pandemic but now, 3+ years later, there is no way I could continue not going into schools. He would have no sympathy. My DD has had COVID twice (and been fine).

We have high risk in the family. We have started to get back to normal, but use First Defence and if it is a packed/enclosed space use masks as well.

I WFH still as a reasonable adjustment. I don't tend to eat out if it's inside or busy bars/cinema
Will go food shopping, to the dentist, opticians

Everyone was lecturing me on how covid was over and it was just a cold so I listened to them and went for the Christmas meal. Caught covid. Where was everyone when I was on the covid at home ward and unwell? Nowhere to be seen

My colleagues/family/everyone knows if they're unwell, even before covid to not be around me so sore throat etc to stay away
I would be more cautious if I was going into hospital/having an op and would shield again so not to catch covid and delay it