Long covid and mum guilt

[Periornot]

If you have long covid, how has it impacted on your kids' lives? Have you developed any strategies to help? Struggling with the mum guilt and starting to despair if I'll ever get better. The financial loss and loss of identity I can just about cope with, but the loss of the mum I was and the impact on my family is a real struggle. No other woman could love them like I do, but deep down I think they could be better off with a different mother. That will also fuck them up though. I feel stuck in this shitty limbo - dammed if I do and damned if I don't. I'm blessed with the most amazing partner, but this is so unfair on him too. How long before he cracks under the strain? Can't see the wood for the trees at the moment, so any strategies welcome!

I too am struggling with Long Covid. I've been diagnosed with POTS and I have a bad cold which is making the POTS worse.

I have no joy in life anymore. Every hurts too much. If I do get a rare bout of energy, I am paying for it a few days later. It's like it is a delayed reaction.

My partner is also fantastic and I have spent today crying on and off as I honestly am so worried he'll leave me for someone less needy. He never would but I can't help but worry.

I am still working but if I feel like this Monday, there is no way I can work. That scares me as we have the Bradford factor and it's like a stick to be beaten with.

I have no advice as I am barely coping but I want you to know you're not alone. Right now, I feel so lonely in this Long Covid hell so wouldn't want you feeling like this if you didn't have a response to your thread.

This has taken me ages to type. I'm sorry if there are any mistakes.

Oh I didn't answer the mum bit...I am yet again missing out on a trip out tomorrow as there is no chance I can do it. Another occasion where I don't see my child and where they don't have me in their pictures and memories. I am so grateful for my partner but my god I wish I could trade places sometimes.

Thank you. I'm sorry. 💐

What is the Bradford factor?

It's a score they give you to determine if you should be disciplined for sickness basically. Our trigger point is 130.

The calc is number of absent incidents x number of absent incidents x number of days taken.

It's a common thing across many sectors and for people like me with several chronic illnesses it can drive me into work when a rest would do a lot better. :(

Thanks. I didn't know it was called that. So the vicious circle of not recovering properly which leads to more time off. It's v tough.

I've had to stop work (hoping it was just a pause, but worried it might be permanent).

My heart goes out to you, I had "long Covid" after a flu vaccine in 2003 it lasted until 2017 by which point I was 95% well.

At times I thought I would lose my mind, DD was just 3.
I worried so much at the time that DD was going to miss out and how much it would change her life but strangely there were quite a few positives.

DD 24 is ridiculously determined and independent she puts this down to having to do lots of basics for herself from a young age. She thinks she developed her resistance and personality more because I wasn't always influencing her thats a good thing apparently.

DD also remembers how great it was that I was always available in bed to play games or read stories, that really surprised me.

DD has an exceptionally close relationship with my DH because he took over my role, she and I are not less close because of this.

DD is extremely compassionate towards others I guess because she had a caring role from a young age.

I've now long covid from early infection 03/20.

Thank you for posting and so sorry after all that that you now have long covid. Your DD and DH sound lovely.

I’m hoping this doesn’t count as a zombie thread- just came across it after not checking mumsnet for ages. I’m in a similar position and having a little cry about it this morning. I was watching an add about how bad social media is for young children and thinking about how much I just let DD10 get away with because I don’t have the energy for parenting (ie wasting her life on her phone or watching tv). I try and think of the positives I can manage to do with her like watch a film or sit and draw with her and read to her. DH is great but like you say I’m worried he will break soon and worrying what will happen if I have to give up work. They both refuse to take trips out without me even though I ask them too so their lives are boring as well as mine. It’s all too much and knowing that getting anxious about it makes me worse doesn’t help!

But to summarise my ramblings in the last post- I try and think that anything I do manage to do with DD like sit and eat with her is a positive!

I have vaccine induced long Covid. I’ve been too weak to do anything except lie on a sofa for 6 months. I’ve got a wheelchair.

Ive been seeing a Chinese acupuncturist. It’s helped me beyond recognition.

That's a positive way to look at it. I think I'm still a bit in denial, especially as I thought I'd be getting better not worse. Life is so small now. I need to take a leaf out of your book!

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow sorry to hear that. Glad you've found something that helps you - what improvements have you noticed?

I'm a bit ignorant with regards to vaccine induced long covid - unfortunately lots who troll long covid forums just seem to want to say it's all psychological/anxiety/fantasy/laziness unless they can blame vaccine /masks/scamdemic etc (irrespective of whether people were vaccinated or not when their symptoms arose). It must be even more of a mindfuck to sift through that if you're vaccine injured. 💐

@PauseTheRain

Well mainly that l can walk again! I was too weak to do anything at all. Even breathe properly. And l had terrible brain fog and migraines.

My injury has been confirmed by 3 doctors.

It's good you're improving and hope it continues. Re: three doctors, I wasn't disputing what you said, if that's why you mentioned it. Hope my post didn't come across that way.

I've had long covid for over a year now. I've seen a huge improvement to how I was at the start. I was getting a very high heart rate (150+) if I did even the slightest of tasks. I was off work and on the sofa for 3 months. I'm thankful that I'm able to be back at work and more involved with my DDs. However, I'm suffering with utter exhaustion, muscle pain, joint pain and brain fog. It feels like I'm stuck now and I don't see any further improvement. The days I work, I'm like a zombie when I get home! So far, I have been able to stay fairly positive but it's taking a toll mentally now. Just wanted to say you're not on your own. X

Thanks. Glad you've improved from the start.It does take a toll as more time goes on and this baseline becomes your new normal. Hoping we both get back more of our old normal.

I'm so tired after having myocarditis due to covid infection a year ago, I had previously had the vaccines , I also still get heart pain, palpitations and breathlessness.i am leading a very small life , have another MRI scan in august.i hope everyone's health starts to improve