Quick rant - missing DB’s wedding reception and not seeing DSis

[UpToMyElbowsInDiapers]

DB and DSIL got married in summer 2020, backyard ceremony with only 15 people. Thankfully I was one of the lucky 15.

They’ve been planning their “second wedding” with all their friends and family ever since. It’s this weekend. I’ve had a very rough few months with a bunch of family health issues, PPD, burnout at work, etc. I’ve been really looking forward to this event. My DB and DSIL are really close, and see each other most weeks. My DD is a flower girl.

… only I’ve bloody now got COVID, for the first time ever!!!

I’m on Day 8. I was poorly the first 5 days but I’m now completely better (just came in from a personal-best run!), but I’m still testing positive. VERY positive, not “faint-line-if-I-hold-it-to-the-window” positive. The rest of my immediate family had it first and have now been negative for 3 days.

Under government guidance, I’m fine to mingle if I wear a mask. However, DB and DSIL don’t feel comfortable with that as several of their guests are immune-compromised and about half travelled from overseas and could get stuck here if they caught COVID. They also do not want my DSis and her boyfriend to stay with my family this weekend, although we’d been massively looking forward to their visit, as had they. They’re now needing to stay in really sub-par accommodation for their time in the city.

Every medical paper I’ve read suggests that my risk to people on Day 9, if asymptomatic, even if testing positive, is extraordinarily low. However, my DB and DSIL don’t feel comfortable with any degree of risk and I need to respect that. (Although they aren’t asking over guests to test, which really irks me for reasons I can’t quite articulate… I guess because in a room of 90 people who have travelled and haven’t all tested, at least one is likely to be positive!)

Anyway, nothing to be gained from posting. I’m just really gutted, and wanted to get this frustration off my chest rather than saying something I shouldn’t to my brother, or being a pest trying to convince him.

My sadness is expressed, and I can bite my tongue henceforth.

Thanks Mumsnet!

Loads of sympathy from me, OP. I got covid immediately before a work trip I'd been planning for ages and really looking forward to, and then made myself miserable by watching everyone else tweeting and instagramming about it, so I feel like I can empathise a bit.

My husband's CEV so I'm grateful for sensible people like your DB and SIL, but it's still such a shame for you.

I’m sorry, that is really awful. Can your sis come over the minute the wedding ends at least and stay with you for the rest of the trip?

Ugh, agony. I just can’t believe how long this has gone on, and I don’t see a way out. So frustrating. I’m sorry that happened to you!

She’s planning on coming to ours the very night of the wedding. But her train home is the next day. :-(

However, my DB and DSIL don’t feel comfortable with any degree of risk

This is completely irrational. On that logic, they simply shouldn’t be having a gathering of so many people; statistics will tell you that a certain percentage of guests will have Covid on the day. So banning someone who is medically likely to be “over it” while not insisting on testing for everyone else just has no logic to it at all.

YANBU. I'd also be annoyed and frustrated, and I'd also not say anything to avoid stressing out the bride and groom. I also had a tricky Covid situation recently that wasn't quite the same, but I also felt that govt guidance would have been fine, and others didn't agree! So sorry for you.

I'm so sorry OP. I agree it's non-sensical but that's because they have people coming from abroad and not all governments have the same advice! So if you were coming from some countries you'd be free to board a plane.

Totally understand why they don't want to be seen taking a risk, and it means they'll not be worrying about the gathering, so can enjoy their time.

I know someone who did a "covid-secure" small cruise recently and despite the entire boat including crew being tested prior to embarking, on day 3 of the cruise people started going down with covid, and it didn't stop there - luckily they did manage to contain it though, but goes to show that there's no realm"safe".. In reality, with people coming from abroad, and public trabspirt, those who are CEM should be extremely careful.

Congrats on the PB though! That's brilliant!

It really sucks OP. But as someone about to travel to the UK, I'm so stressed about getting covid and getting stuck away from my family I can understand their position.

If I get covid while I'm travelling I may have to isolate in a hotel alone for a week. I'll then miss seeing some of the people I haven't seen in three years. If I miss my flight home it'll be a couple of week before I can get another seat meaning another two weeks of no income and five weeks away from DD. If any of the guests are from NZ or Oz, we're in a very different mindframe about the risks too.

Blame the pandemic, not your family. It makes perfect sense to be pissed off though and I am sorry this has happened.

The good news is Covid rates are low having dropped since a peak in the first half of July. This stage of the cycle never makes headline news though and people are left thinking rates are high before being told a few months later that they're going up again.

The UK "risk rating" has just gone down to 2 on the scale for the first time. It'll probably never make 1 as it won't be suppressed out of the community.

This is the bit that niggles at me. Where we live, we’re right at the top of a COVID wave. Test positivity rates are 13%, hospitalizations are up… the day of the wedding will be Day 10 for me, having never had a fever, had very mild COVID, and absolutely zero symptoms for 3 days. I recognize that I can’t confirm I’m zero risk to people, but I’m probably heading towards pretty close to zero.

If they’re not asking people to test before the wedding, we can almost guarantee that someone will be positive without knowing it, given the prevalence of COVID in the community right now. If not the guests, then the wait staff, who have absolutely no isolation requirements on any day of an infection, even with symptoms, as of government guidance last week.

I don’t think there is such a thing as a COVID safe wedding in our current context.

But oh well. At least if I don’t go, I can’t be blamed for any cases that do crop up. 😬

What a mess…

@BogRollBOGOF That is great news. Fingers crossed we are all moving forward .

Yes, it's a complete logic fail. People who are choosing to be at public gatherings are making a positive decision to encounter covid.

That said, people can be as stupid as they like with their own wedding. Sympathies OP, frustrating situation all round.