Differences of opinion on vaccination

[Robinni]

Hi,

My son and I are considered vulnerable.

Three nieces and sister in law previously looked after my son regularly. We were advised with the opening up of society last summer that anyone in close contact with our son, particularly within a domestic setting, would need to be vaccinated.

I informed sister in law of this and that she’d need to be aware of the vaccine status of regular visitors to the house that would be there whenever my son was present (ie close friends and boyfriends of her daughters).

She was incredibly aggressive and said she was not keen on her daughters (one in 20s, one almost 18 and the other 15) being vaccinated, had no clue on the status of anyone else and wasn’t about to ask them.

We haven’t been able to see them or much of the rest of the family since then. My child has now missed out on Halloween, Christmas, major family celebrations, weekly family interactions etc and there will be more to come.

I can respect there would be concerns for children but I really don’t understand the mentality of grown adult women not taking responsibility for their health and that of others. The evidence is overwhelming that covid is much more dangerous for all age groups by contrast to vaccination.

I heard recently they had booked to get vaccinated because of the vaccine passports blocking their access to the pub. They then cancelled their appointments when the passports were likewise cancelled.
So clearly the pub is worth getting vaccinated for but not protecting themselves and family members.

I have lost several people quite horribly to covid. One being a close friend, very young. And every time I feel swayed towards saying sod it I’ll just have to put up with them putting us at risk, I see her in her coffin and I can’t shake the image.

It’s very hard to see my son go through this and for us to be excluded from all family functions while the rest of them support this anti vax agenda. He has autism amoungst other things and we’ve been told he needs support from the wider family.

With the pandemic due to go on a few more years what do we do if they don’t change their mind? It’s causing a lot of distress.

The have every right to choose whether to be vaccinated or not and you have every right to choose whether to see them or not.

Given a lot of vaccinated people are now getting Covid, I’d want to know more whether anyone had cold/flu symptoms (whether Covid or not) and if they’d done a test before meeting.

I heard recently they had booked to get vaccinated because of the vaccine passports blocking their access to the pub. They then cancelled their appointments when the passports were likewise cancelled.
So clearly the pub is worth getting vaccinated for but not protecting themselves and family members.

This would really piss me off

So clearly the pub is worth getting vaccinated for but not protecting themselves and family members

Yes, that's a pretty major kick in the teeth, and unfortunately it doestell you where you come in their priorities.

I feel really sad for your DC too - the CEV have had a really shitty time of it and the ongoing advice that advises against contact (esp indoors) with unvaccinated people still stands. And when family (who clearly have no over-riding objection to vaccination as they were ready to do it for the pub) who you previously thought you could count on , act in ways that make contact impossible and also take away the fun stuff, well that's a nasty rude awakening.

I completely agree, they have every right to do as they wish. But they have very little regard for the risk this is putting others at in the family, of the distress it’s causing.

As unvaccinated they will likely carry virus to higher titre (ie. absinthe strength versus beer strength virus exposure), they’ll also be able to infect others for a longer period of time and as they’re young will probably be asymptomatic themselves… so that’s a much higher risk and why gp had advised we be careful.

I’ve asked my husband if they’d be open to testing prior to meet up and he said they’d kick off about it. And they get angry if I try and arrange seeing other parts of the family without them, for my sons sake. It isn’t anything personal - I would rather they would be included, but that isn’t possible.

They have had their childhoods unimpeded and are now insisting they be placed in all family gatherings to the exclusion of my son.

There is no consideration as to what this is doing to him.

I'd feel a bit annoyed about the pub element, but I would also say that it may have been more of an element. lots of people were just increasingly feeling administrative pressure to make decisions they would not have otherwise.

But I wonder if it isn't worth focusing less on those relatives and take a wider approach, because in a way they are just examples of a larger problem you will encounter again and again. If you haven't, I would look at talking to your doctors and revisiting the original recommendation, for two reasons. The first being that transmission by the vaccinated has just not played out as they originally had hoped. You can see it in institutional settings very clearly, even where people are mostly vaccinating covid is moving through them with ease. So it isn't so much other people's vaccinations protecting your son now as his own. And the second reason is that it is going to be very restricting to keep up this kind of protocol of not being with unvaccinated people, and that's not just your relatives. It's society overall, and on on ongoing basis, because covid is not likely to disappear.

So really this may be a bigger decision about what kind of long-term approach is manageable in your situation.

I’m very pro Vax, I have CEV loved ones at home, but you need to respect their right to choose.

Your DS isn’t being excluded, you are risk assessing the situation and opting not to take him. Ignore them kicking off and just invite other family members to you so DS still sees family members.

As unvaccinated they will likely carry virus to higher titre
pretty shortly anyone who had their vaccines/booster a while ago will have reduce immunity anyway. I had mine in early September, a colleague who had hers the same time has just been really poorly with covid & her DP (triple vaccinated) & DC (double vaccinated) all have it too and feel really rough. It’s a worry for those of us with CEV loved ones as it seems only the elderly & some immunosuppressed will be getting a 4th/5th one. Take away masks, the need to isolate and even testing & it’s worrying for a lot of people.
inews.co.uk/news/health/4th-booster-jab-how-to-book-covid-vaccine-1531483

Hi,
Yes we have a long term approach in mind which is to get through the pandemic until the point where risk is less globally, should be about 2026 at latest estimate.

Everyone we know is vaccinated and we keep our son largely in outside spaces or at distance of 2m+

He’s allowed to go to school and interact with young children as they have different immunological armoury and can’t transmit large doses, transmission tends to occur via repeated exposures in this age group.

Unvaccinated can replicate virus to higher titre and transmit for a longer time period so present more risk to others.

Son has had one jab and will have his second soon, no issues.

Basically we can accept if he is around others who are vaccinated he may get exposed but risk less. But can’t accept him being exposed to potentially whopping dose repeatedly through the week in a household of 3+ unvaccinated people transmitting as adults.

Life is pretty much back to normal, we wear masks and keep distance. But it is hard to replace family for him, to know how to comfort him, or to how to diplomatically approach conversation to try and reach compromise.

I think you need to stop depriving your son of having fun, that’s not going to be mentally good for him

You can’t keep him in until 2026 !!!!
Do you want to know EVERYONES vaccine status before you go ANYWHERE???

I think you need to stop obsessing over covid and start living and not living in fear.

Ah I completely sympathise I really do. It’s so crap. We are also having to be super careful still and although I am glad the place is moving on for healthy people as such it’s super hard having the worry of trying to keep safe now. I am vulnerable and have two young kids too young to be allowed to get vaccinated yet, so I worry for them and myself as an at risk person. I have the privilege of being able to be extra careful a few more months but beyond that I will be back exposed again. I have seen people that were against the vaccine also do a u turn for the pub instead of protecting people and I think this pandemic has really shown many I am fond of personally in a selfish light. It’s sad really. I do think thankfully though with new treatments ect and better vaccines hopefully coming out things will get better. No help to you now I know.

@Samarie123 - most DC (even those initially classes as CEV) are not subject to this type of governmental advice. Those that still are have very important medical reasons for it.

Your advice risks the child's life. It is not 'living in fear' it is following the relevant expert medical advice.

And they get angry if I try and arrange seeing other parts of the family without them, for my sons sake.

This is the part you can control, and thus what you should be focusing on. They get angry, so fucking what? They can't stop you from doing that any more than you can make them get vaccinated. Their views on your actions are as unimportant as yours on theirs, it works both ways. Continue to make the arrangements and see people without them.