Increased depression and anxiety after having covid, feel like a fraud (TW self harm mentioned)

[LockedInMyOwnHead]

Tested positive 5 days after my DD. So I’d already been inside for 6 days by that point.

I was positive until Day 10, so we ended up doing a 16 day isolation which took its toll on me mentally as well as financially.

I’m a single parent, and had no help at all. I’m on a 0 hours contract at work so I wasn’t earning and having to get online shopping deliveries was really expensive for less food due to delivery charges.

I ended up spending 3x what I usually do on food.

I already had PTSD, General Anxiety Disorder and Depression. The lack of ability to help myself made me spiral.

Now I’m in a constant state of depression. I’m already on a high dose antidepressant. All the other ADs I tried before this one made me worse so my doctor is worried about changing it.

I’ve been released from isolation for 4 days now but I still feel like I’m commiting some kind of crime and need to be kept away from society.

It doesn’t help that DD had it really badly, and was really poorly. She was still positive until day 15 and still spikes a temperature occasionally now – GP is aware but has said keeping her inside any longer could hamper her recovery further so has said to get out of the house regularly.

I just feel so down, so much like a fraud, like I’ve done something wrong and I need to be kept away from people to protect them, because that’s basically what I did for 15 days, I was in prison. I couldn’t go out even though I’m triple vaccinated as I couldn’t leave DD. I have no garden, no balcony and was just stuck in the prison of my 4 walls not able to get away when I needed a break, unable to work, and just left because not one member of my family checked in on me they just moaned at me because they don’t believe in covid so told me to go out and do what I have to do. I do thankfully have friends who helped me virtually with phonecalls and texts.

I probably need a kick up the backside. I’ve got an appointment with my GP later in the week to discuss it as I’ve felt like I deserve to be punished physically although I’ve not hurt myself yet.

Can anyone tell me how to get out of this prison in my head? I’m obviously free to walk around outside now, but I’m so scared. DD and I have been for walks since our isolation ended and DD was well enough for school Friday but I felt so self conscious on the school run.

I'm so sorry you are struggling. Your body has been through a lot and so many days in isolation can really affect thought patterns and mood. It's very unlikely that you would infect anyone now but I know it's more complex than that. Can you set yourself a small goal every day as a way of getting out and then build this to more challenging things with the hope that in time it will all feel more normal again? I do understand this, we've been brainwashed in ways to feel that getting Covid is something we can completely control and it can feel like we've done something wrong if we do. I hope I'm making sense, take care and I hope things improve.

@Unicornshorn Thank you for your kind words, I don't feel like I deserve them.

DDs still got symptoms - breathing issues, spikes the occasional temperature and is extreme tired - as I said GP is monitoring and has told me to take her outside and she's back at school (as best she can be she's doing shorter days) so I do have to go out, but I still feel self conscious and like I've done something wrong.

Of course you deserve them, you're a good Mum doing her best and things have taken their toll on you. I think speaking to the GP is a good step. Have you tried CBT or anything before? It must be really tough with your DD still unwell, hopefully she will turn a corner soon and in time going back to routines like school and work will help detach from the feelings you have just now.

@Unicornshorn I've had CBT in the past but didn't find it that helpful but the GP felt it was because having it at a set day or time or an appointment wasn't helpful for the way I think not that the actual CBT wasn't helpful.

I've found some online self-help ones that I can should be able to get on NHS that I can access when I feel down/anxious rather than as an appointment, so will look into those.

I think DD being so unwell with it was the biggest effect on my MH. I wasn't scared of her getting covid before she got it and her friends were fine with it so I was expecting her to be the same.

Yes I know what you mean, maybe online resources are most realistic for now. My
DD has Covid just now and I haven't seen her as poorly since she was very small, the last few days were quite worrying and as you say quite unexpected as we hear that young people are generally not that unwell. It sounds like it's been quite traumatic and very hard to cope with on your own.