If you're still staying indoors, what would make you feel ready to go out again ?

[rookiemere]

I have a reason for asking. My DPs are in their 80s and DM has taken covid very seriously. She will do the odd trip to the bank taking the bus there and back, but will not let DF out at all as he is older and has health issues.

Fair enough but DF is 88 and doesn't want to be protected. He wants to go out for the odd meal and mooch round Marks and Spencers, but DM won't let him.

I suggested recently that they could come and visit us as DM will let us in their house so I thought it would be ok and I could pick and drop them off and they wouldn't need to do anything else, but it would at least be a change of scene. But no DM doesn't feel comfortable and wants to wait until the numbers go down - but even when the numbers were low she wouldn't do anything.

If DF was happy with the situation I'd be fine, but as I said he's not. Prior to covid DM did seem to have some medical anxiety.

So I'm just wondering if anyone is still being very cautious, or recently stopped being so cautious, what or when do you think will be the trigger to start going out again?

Sorry I suspect I'm being one of those posters complaining about things but refusing to take advice on board.

I'm hoping with numbers now falling maybe I can work on her again in March/April. I can't imagine having the direct conversation about it although I do skirt around the edges. I just feel it's a bit unfair as well. I visit frequently, I buy gluten free goodies from M&S for them, I just can't navigate a way through this.

Could you write her a letter?

@shouldistop I don't want to give her any reason to take against me. At the minute I'm the only other company my DF is getting.

@rookiemere

If I took DF out for the day, I'm not sure DM would have him back, I don't want to blast open their lives.

She would have him back

Though it sounds like he needs rescuing from her anyway

Mum is 83 and has a few friends like this. She has written off the friendships. Listens poiltely for a bit when they call but gets off the phone when the covid talk starts. Waste of life.

Take your dad for a nice meal.

Is there anyone you think your mum may listen to, her own GP for instance or a trusted friend? Anyone else you can get on board with having rational conversations with her?

What you are posting here is reminiscent of when my mum had early dementia, refused to go anywhere, wouldn't listen to anything I said yet my dad enabled her .

I think a lot of older people have really suffered under Covid with impacts on their mental health .

@shinynewapple22 I did wonder about trying to persuade someone else to discuss with her. TBH I thought it might come to a climax as my US cousins were talking about coming over to UK and that would be enough to force the issue. She speaks to my cousin who is vaguely in the medical profession once a fortnight I could ask her to start dropping some remarks in.

I'll go and see them again on Sunday and try and set a date for them to visit. I was thinking I could show DM the Scottish intensive care numbers from Covid - we're in Scotland- they're so low that it may reassure her a bit, or not probably.

To be fair when their old person society restarted meetings in Autumn DF was allowed to go to that - she thinks old people are less likely to have covid as they go out less, unfortunately there was only one and then stupid Omicron landed. I could ask if they are restarting as that would be a good way doing something she has already done and let DF do.

@shinynewapple22 I did wonder a bit if DM might have early dementia, on the phone she has now started sharing stories ( or mostly the same one or two) about her childhood, but in person she's pretty switched on.
DF definitely has some short term memory lapse - to be fair he's 88 - and I also wonder if DM is a bit worried about him being out and about.

I genuinely think this is abuse. Sorry, I know that's not what you wanted to hear. It would be a unanimous chorous of LTB if this was a woman posting about how her husband wouldn't "take her back" if she went out for a meal with her daughter.

Your poor DF. Its sounds incredibly cruel. So is he never allowed out again. What's they point in staying indoors. That's no life for him is it.

How sad. Even the most cautious CEV elderly people I know relaxed about 6 months ago. I honestly know nobody who is still behaving like this. Your poor Dad. What a life. I think you need to intervene.

DH has been saying that DM is being controlling. Ok I'll try to tackle it on Sunday.

Good luck op. I feel your pain! You are doing this for all the right reasons