Covid impacting if I want a second child !?? Help!

[mamatoizzywizzy]

I have a little girl who is soon to be turning 3.
We have had a really emotionally tough time since her birth (hasn't everyone with covid though !!) the first year was tough pre covid just with coping with a very highly strung new born snd getting to grips with being a mum , and then the following two years were tough because of covid restrictions- isolation, working from home for both me and my husband- spending every waking second together, losing identity within motherhood but also other life factors like not seeing anyone or doing anything - the longer I didn't take time for me the harder it has been to begin . We are moving house soon so we have the space to live and work at home which we are hoping will help in terms of the close proximity to one another .

I want to want another child but I long to find myself again first and be happy and comfortable in my own identity. I fear if I had a second anytime soon it would be for the sake of giving my daughter a sibling alone and my mental health would take a deeper nose dive. Apart from anything a screaming newborn in the same house as my husband trying to work would just be too much (once we've moved hopefully not so much of an impact , but it's hard to imagine anything else now most of our daughters life we've been living and working in a tiny environment )

Am I naive for thinking I'll find who I am again before having a second ? Does anyone else feel like this ?

It doesn’t sound like you are in a good mental position to have another child. I know lots of happy parents who only had one child and don’t regret having any more.

I had my second child in March 2020. It was tough but I’d do it all again in a heartbeat. She’s the BEST thing that could have happened to us in a pandemic I think. I will never look back & hate 2020. Quite the opposite. It gave me my beautiful second daughter who brought us infinite happiness during the hardest of times. She was a great distraction & the year passed very quickly in a bit of a blur!

However, I was quite happy in myself. No MH issues. I wonder, have you actually lost yourself or have you just not adjusted to the new version of you because of the pandemic? I’m not the same person I was before I became a parent. My entire life is dominated by being a mum. And that’s OK & normal in the early years. I don’t get loads of me time but I do try to see friends every couple months for dinner or a drink. I have a group of mum friends as well from NCT/baby classes and we meet most Fridays. But again, it’s 100% child focused! But I do feel ‘like me’. I like this version of me. It’s busy, chaotic, exhausting but also full of love & happiness.

As for working at home, will this change? The WFH message won’t be forever, we were back on a hybrid basis from June last year until WFH came back. I think you need to have a serious chat with your husband about the practicalities of a new baby & him working. Sounds like you are moving to a bigger space so that’ll probably solve the problem.

All babies are different. My first cried constantly. My second just slept & fed. Barely a peep!