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Original poster

Am I being ridiculous?

33 replies

Mackmama · 30/12/2021 21:54

My 13 year old SD has been at her mums (resident parent) since Boxing Day. Mum has tested positive for covid today. DH wants to collect SD tomorrow and carry on as normal.

We had SD here when she had covid as we wanted to look after her, but I think she should wait this one out at home with her mum and not bring it here putting my two young kids at risk and potentially infecting another household. Maybe that isn’t logical and I’m probably over worrying, kids will probably get it when they go back to school anyway and dad and I are both 3x jabbed at I being ridiculous?

OP posts:
faithfulbird20 · 31/12/2021 00:22

No I'd feel the same too. What did u decide?

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 31/12/2021 00:28

I reckon you have the say in trying to keep your dc covid free.

LilyPond2 · 31/12/2021 00:47

No, I don't think you're being ridiculous at all.

Anawi · 31/12/2021 01:12

You're not being ridiculous. Husband and I are both triple jabbed currently feeling really quite lousy with covid and have been since boxing day, our three children have been feeling varying degrees of rubbish for a few days. Definitely worth avoiding it if you can Sad

Freddiefox · 31/12/2021 02:04

Is mum well enough to look after her? I think if she is then she should stay home, but if she’s not then dad should step up.

Floralnomad · 31/12/2021 02:18

I don’t understand why you were prepared to have her when she had covid but are not wanting her now when she may very well not even have it . From her mums POV it will definitely look like you want to make her life awkward at a time when she may feel shit and could do with the help .

KiloWhat · 31/12/2021 05:47

No you're being sensible

JanglyBeads · 31/12/2021 07:07

If you mean when she first had symptoms or tested positive she was at yours and then stayed at yours, then YANBU.

If you mean that she came from her mum's to yours whilst a confirmed positive, YABU this time. (However you would not have been following the rules, government has clarified that contact is not listed as a reason to break isolation.)

Original poster
Mackmama · 31/12/2021 07:18

Yeah, I think it’s the inconsistency that’s going to get me here. It was well intentioned to have her here when she had it (I didn’t realise we were breaking any rules), but as so often in step parenting you can’t do right for doing wrong. She’s been pretty off for the whole of Christmas and hasn’t really wanted to be here although she’d have been welcomed and well treated but now she wants to come and give my children covid and I have to like it, my DH will probably expect me to be grateful.

OP posts:
Mybalconyiscracking · 31/12/2021 07:21

Well sounds like you have a good excuse not to have her, which is nice as you don’t seem to like her very much.

KiloWhat · 31/12/2021 07:22

@Mybalconyiscracking

Well sounds like you have a good excuse not to have her, which is nice as you don’t seem to like her very much.
How'd you get that?! OP hasn't written anything about how much she likes or doesn't like her DSC. This is about covid so she hasn't written pages and pages on their relationships. Stop stiring.
wildthingsinthenight · 31/12/2021 07:25

@Mybalconyiscracking

Well sounds like you have a good excuse not to have her, which is nice as you don’t seem to like her very much.
Ridiculous thing to say 🙄
monsterflake · 31/12/2021 07:35

YANBU. I wouldn't want my children catching covid even though none of them are CEV, they have just missed too much school and if one gets it all four do and probably me and DP too which makes the logistics of doing anything really difficult, adding into the mix a child with ASD who needs routine and another child with bowel issues that needs to be seen at doctors/hospital on occasions. It's a minefield and even if people are unlikely to get seriously ill, it's so inconvenient at best and can mean people lose money not being able to work etc.

I would just stick it all on Boris and say the rules say its not allowed and you don't want to put your family at risk. Does your SC's mum have a partner or anyone to help her if she's too unwell to look after her? Although if 13 year old isn't unwell/no additional needs or anything, I would assume she could do most things herself and wouldn't need much "looking after" in the way a younger child would. My 10 year old can use the toaster and microwave.

Mybalconyiscracking · 31/12/2021 07:37

I refer you back to the OPs second post.

ReeseWitherfork · 31/12/2021 07:45

If she's been feeling unwelcome already then not letting her come round may cause some additional problems. 13 isn't exactly a rational age to understand your reasoning. Your inconsistency may be hard for her to understand. I'm assuming if another member of the family had been exposed to covid then they wouldn't be isolating away from the rest of you? If your ex caught it whilst looking after your kids, would they be staying there?

SpookyScarySkeletons · 31/12/2021 07:52

I don't think you are being ridiculous at all. I've read quite a few posts over the last couple of days where people are saying Omecron is affecting children more than other variants. I wouldn't want to put my DC at risk.

KiloWhat · 31/12/2021 08:09

@Mybalconyiscracking

I refer you back to the OPs second post.
That is DSC not wanting to come round. We don't know why that is. And OP being worried about the spread of Covid and having to be ok with it. It says nothing to be about whether or not she likes her DSC
Wellbythebloodyhell · 31/12/2021 08:19

How long ago did SD have covid? Is it likely she could catch it and spread it again so soon?
A bit confused why you would welcome her when she's confirmed covid positive but not as a close contact?
Irrelevant of all that if Mum is too unwell to look after her then absolutely Dad needs to step up, your kids needs don't trump his kids needs

treeflowercat · 31/12/2021 08:37

I can understand your reticence, but if there are no vulnerable people in the house, i wouldn't insist on her staying with her ill Mum, especially as you've already had her at yours when she actually has Covid!

I'd be really careful here.... I think the relationship issues you're risking by refusing to have her back at the moment far outweigh the risk of Covid (which you'll likely get anyway).

Also, when did your dad get Covid? If it was recently she'll be unlikely to have caught it again.

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 31/12/2021 08:39

@Mybalconyiscracking

Well sounds like you have a good excuse not to have her, which is nice as you don’t seem to like her very much.

There's always one!

SunshineOnKeith · 31/12/2021 08:39

Chances are you SD has a level of immunity and won't bring covid. If she does, surely it's better for your DC to get it now than at school?
I don't see the logic in having her over when you know she's infected but refusing now when the chances are she's not.

treeflowercat · 31/12/2021 08:43

@SpookyScarySkeletons

I don't think you are being ridiculous at all. I've read quite a few posts over the last couple of days where people are saying Omecron is affecting children more than other variants. I wouldn't want to put my DC at risk.
Firstly, there's little chance of your children avoiding Omicron when schools return. Secondly, the difference is between barely symptomatic and a cold. It doesn't really seem any different to Delta.

Those who are purely seeing this from the perspective of Covid are failing to see the dangers involved in a step-mum seeking to restrict access between her DH and his 13 yo DD. That's a sore that may well persist long after Covid has passed through, causing all sorts of grief for a long time.

oviraptor21 · 31/12/2021 08:43

It sounds like it's important to the relationship that you continue contact as arranged.
YWcertainlyBU if mum is ill but would not if any of you and your DC are CV.
On balance I would say you should carry on as normal.

treeflowercat · 31/12/2021 08:47

@Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin

* Mybalconyiscracking* sounds like you have a good excuse not to have her, which is nice as you don’t seem to like her very much.**

There's always one!

Indeed, and they don't seem to be the OP's motives at all... BUT that's exactly how a 13yo DSD may feel!

EatAllDay · 31/12/2021 08:49

Isn’t your SD immune? I don’t understand how she’s a risk if she’s immune ?