Feeling utterly dejected

[Bettyboodoingthedo]

I don't know why I'm posting this really. I think just the get it out to an anonymous audience. Don't really expect any replies but it may help to write it down.

Just feel utterly hopeless and so sad. Was so looking forward to Christmas this year but 1st day of the school holidays and I'm an anxious, angry mess. My poor children. Everything we had booked has been cancelled and I'm too scared to go and do the things we can do incase one of us gets covid and we can't see family on Christmas and Boxing Day.

Im an anxious person anyway but it's just out of control now. I can't relax. So tightly wound all the time. I feel like im an utterly rubbish person. I feel old, fat and awful. It all just spirals. Everything feels wrong when I know it's not but I just can't get perspective. My children are not going ti have the Christmas I desperately want then they have and I know ultimately it will be my fault rather than the fault of covid.

I keep seeing people out doing nice things and I think perhaps we should just crack on but if I do go out I'm just on edge. 😣

My head is just throbbing.

I’m honestly not being patronising but the only way I get through this feeling is control what you can. It’s not your fault op, it’s a world event, an unusual time whatever you think of COVID. You can only adapt.

It is very hard:( Could you do some outdoor things with masks? Ice skating maybe? Or just look at lights? My DC are grown so am out of touch with this kind of thing.
I think it is quite natural to feel like this at this time and you are not alone.

Also be easy on yourself. Don’t keep looking at others as who knows what they are thinking or struggling with. I look happy out and about and am doing some stuff but I am CEV and on and off have panic attacks due to ongoing lung problems. I look normal and happy. I just try to make do and adapt but I know it’s not easy.

Exactly @JanisMoplin op, it’s not unusual to feel like this. So don’t be hard on yourself.

It’s not your fault that things were cancelled and lots of people are feeling a bit wound up and anxious about getting covid before Christmas. It can still be fun for your children, you are probably feeling more upset about plans being changed than them. Sorry, I’m not much help really, but just want to say don’t beat yourself up about it.

Thank you. It's helped a little just writing it down and having someone hear me. Thank you. Going to get coats on now and look at some lights. Thank you x

Agree with you OP. We have Covid here so are isolating (having cancelled everything fun) and should be free to go out just in time to go into another lockdown by the look of it. Pissed off doesn't cover it. Poor kids 😢

Be kind to yourself OP. I also share anxiety about things being cancelled etc.

Don’t know if this helps but I found this stage production of “Christmas Carol” for free on YouTube. Maybe instead of going to the theatre you can turn the lights off/just have Xmas tree lights on and all watch that together? Like a theatre at home?
That’s what I did last year with a couple of productions as we always go to the theatre at Xmas, and we’ll be watching this one this year. Just a thought if it helps.

If you are near one book Lightopia, OP. That looks amazing and has had really good reviews. It's also outside. We have had to cancel and sell our tickets, so would appreciate a review if you do go 😁

Handhold OP, so many people feel like you do, you aren’t alone at all. It’s totally gutty, I am sick to death with it too. But it is what it is, it will pass in time. Don’t be hard on yourself, focus on what you can do to make Christmas special for your little ones

Thank you all of you. Your kindness and understanding means a lot and is appreciated.
I've been horrible and shouty today so need to make it up.

Lights sounds lovely! Also love the idea above, the online panto/show!

Be easy on yourself it’s the drip drip of everything. Hope the lights are lovely

Sending gentle hugs. Are there any outdoor things you could do if you feel anxious about things inside? It's an awful time at the moment and uncertainty is hard to deal with when you have anxiety

Huge sympathies OP.

Im struggling.

We had 1 child isolating with a cough and temperature last week, proved negative. Then we're hit with a sickness bug at the weekend. And now DH and other child isolating with coughs awaiting PCR results.

It just feels never ending. Im about ready to cancel Christmas myself, let alone Boris doing it.

Book yourself something lovely and festive outside OP. If you're near one, lots of National Trust places are doing Christmas trails.

I can totally relate to the spiralling where one thing leads to another, as a result I’ve become quite the compulsive cleaner since lockdown when my anxiety is bad. Be kind to yourself you are not rubbish. Have you spoken to your GP about how you feel?

You can still make it special by just spending time with whoever you can and having quality time together. The kids wont know what you had pictured in your mind and are often pleased with really simple things like sitting as a family with popcorn watching a film and putting some candles on. Or a trip to the newsagents to choose anything they want! Walk about the town etc. All the kids in the country will be the same so do not worry! Nothing's ever perfect anyway! Even if you did your plans there's no guarantee the kids would have amazing time they often like things which are unexpected.

It’s awful isn’t it. We cancelled everything this week, but now have covid so Christmas with family is cancelled. I am sad about that, but in some ways feel a bit better as the stress and anxiety of deciding what or what not to do has been taken away.

@NotSonicTheHedgehog

I can totally relate to the spiralling where one thing leads to another, as a result I’ve become quite the compulsive cleaner since lockdown when my anxiety is bad. Be kind to yourself you are not rubbish. Have you spoken to your GP about how you feel?

I think I need to speak to the doctor in the New Year. I tried a few months ago but it just felt too hard to take the 1st step. I feel like I'm really losing a grip on everything so do need to do something

@onemouseplace

It’s awful isn’t it. We cancelled everything this week, but now have covid so Christmas with family is cancelled. I am sad about that, but in some ways feel a bit better as the stress and anxiety of deciding what or what not to do has been taken away.

Really sorry to hear that. I agree that the waiting and wondering is possibly making it worse. But sorry to hear your situation x

My ds2 has just tested positive and I feel just like @onemouseplace. Sad but pleased that the tension has stopped.

@Whatafool123

Agree with you OP. We have Covid here so are isolating (having cancelled everything fun) and should be free to go out just in time to go into another lockdown by the look of it. Pissed off doesn't cover it. Poor kids 😢

So sorry. It's just utterly rubbish. ☹️

[quote Nosquit]Be kind to yourself OP. I also share anxiety about things being cancelled etc.

Don’t know if this helps but I found this stage production of “Christmas Carol” for free on YouTube. Maybe instead of going to the theatre you can turn the lights off/just have Xmas tree lights on and all watch that together? Like a theatre at home?
That’s what I did last year with a couple of productions as we always go to the theatre at Xmas, and we’ll be watching this one this year. Just a thought if it helps.

[/quote] Really like the sound of this. Thank you x