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Covid

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Original poster

I just can't do another lockdown

19 replies

Peakedtoosoon · 19/12/2021 11:37

When the first lockdown hit, I was living with DH and two adult sons, all wfh except eldest DS who was furloughed. The sun was shining and I'll admit I was one of those who quite enjoyed it, whilst thanking my lucky stars that DC had left school just before it all started and recognising that I was lucky, it must be awful for single people etc

By the 2nd lockdown, DH had been diagnosed with terminal cancer, spent long periods in hospital, with no visitors, I was back at work, DS1 was back at work, DS2 still wfh and by this point was an 18yo who'd had almost a year with no social contact whilst dealing with the prospect of his father's death. In the end we cared for DH home for the last 3 months, he was completely bedbound and it was very hard.

Now, I'm a widow who has been very fortunate in that (most) friends have really kept in touch and I have plenty of social things to keep me busy. I acknowledge that I've probably been a bit reckless with my contacts this week, but atm I'm taking a "whatever gets you through" approach. The thought of losing all that is devastating, it's the onyl reason I'm carrying on.

I know that if household mixing is restricted DS1 will go and stay with his GF and her family, leaving me and struggling DS2 home alone.

I know there are people who've lived like this all the way through, I just can't see how we can be expected to carry on. The costs are so much higher than "just" covid deaths or economic.

There's no real reason for my post, other than trying to sort my thoughts out.

OP posts:

Pippinthepup · 19/12/2021 11:44

I’m so sorry about your DH. You’re absolutely right that the lockdowns cause so much harm. I really hope it doesn’t come to it. I hope you and your ds2 are able to have a restful Christmas with your ds1

speakingofart · 19/12/2021 11:48

Nor can anyone. From someone who has lived alone in a flat throughout this: you will have a point where you realise you need to break the rules because the alternative is you breaking.

Do NOT in anyway feel bad about this. The smug lockdown lovers don’t know what they do.

HermioneWeasley · 19/12/2021 11:50

I agree. Nobody seems to be calculating the cost of lockdowns vs the “benefit”.

I’m done

Mindymomo · 19/12/2021 11:59

So sorry for your loss. I really think the government don’t want another lockdown due to the damage it has done to mental health. I don’t mind the idea of a 2 week circuit breaker, where certain things are closed, as long as we are still able to see friends and relatives and go to work and we are left to be able to judge ourselves what is safe.

R0tational · 19/12/2021 12:07

We are isolating right now and I am not having a good time. I have poor MH and the only adult.

Anyway, back to the point. I am so sorry to hear about your experience - how diffficult that must have been for you and the boys. I am sure you are still grieving strongly. Try to take it a day and hour at a time. You will make it through, you will. It won't be as strict as previously and there will be less tension than before. I am sorry you are feeling like this. Do you have nice plans for Christmas for now?

Original poster

Peakedtoosoon · 19/12/2021 12:09

I'm feel like I'm losing everything now anyway as people are starting to cancel plans.

My running club have just announced they're closing a week early for Christmas. Outdoor exercise FGS!

OP posts:

Wilkolampshade · 19/12/2021 12:24

I'm so very, very sorry for your loss OP and the terribly dark times your family have been through this year. None of us here know you, but I hope we can all join together sending you our best wishes and hopes for a brighter year next year. Xxx

TheDuchessOfMN · 19/12/2021 12:28

IF it is to happen (and I don’t think it will be as extreme as previous lockdowns) would it help you if you asked your ds and his girlfriend to stay at yours?

Original poster

Peakedtoosoon · 19/12/2021 12:30

@TheDuchessOfMN

IF it is to happen (and I don’t think it will be as extreme as previous lockdowns) would it help you if you asked your ds and his girlfriend to stay at yours?

Her mother has made it clear that won't be happening! He'd stay here if I exerted the same sort of pressure, but I don't want to do that to him.

OP posts:

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 19/12/2021 12:39

I’m very sorry op. What an awful loss and what a difficult time you have had.

I think if there is a lockdown it’s likely to be short- omicron seems to rip through pretty fast and thanks to the vaccines a lot fewer people are likely to get sick than could have happened in previous waves.

Fingers crossed it won’t happen but if it does you will get through it (or find an alternative way to not be alone)
Xxx

KeepApart · 19/12/2021 12:46

I'm so sorry OP for your loss OP

Lockdowns as a short temporary measure are okay. They can be endured. But now we are reaching a point where its a fairly significant proportion of peoples lives that are being affected. Peoples resilience to cope with these situations declines the longer they are in them, and you lose a lot of the hope you had in the first or even second lockdowns. I can do this for 6 months, okay, but now I'm feeling can I do this for another couple of years?

We have to weigh up whether the time lost to people because of lockdowns is worth the time saved. These are years that we won't ever get back.

If needs be OP you will get through it, as will we all. But knowing how it's going to make me feel, and the affect that another bloody lockdown is going to have on my life fills me with dread

Slowchimes · 19/12/2021 12:46

"Her mother has made it clear that won't be happening! He'd stay here if I exerted the same sort of pressure, but I don't want to do that to him."

This is off-point but you are very wise and unselfish to do that op. So very sorry for your loss

Winter2020 · 19/12/2021 13:13

In all the lockdowns you have been allowed to see others to meet care and support needs.

You have a need for care and support from your family and close friends. Your mental health requires it. Lean on the support you have.

Wishing you peace at this difficult time

ComDummings · 19/12/2021 13:17

If it comes down to it and there’s another lockdown and you need to break any rules do not feel any guilt. It’s at the point where we need to look after ourselves. You’ll probably find that this time around many more of your friends and family will also be willing to break any rules as well to come and see you or stay with you or something. It might not come down to a lockdown; it may well do. But do what you’ve got to do for you.

Original poster

Peakedtoosoon · 19/12/2021 13:17

@Winter2020

In all the lockdowns you have been allowed to see others to meet care and support needs.

You have a need for care and support from your family and close friends. Your mental health requires it. Lean on the support you have.

Wishing you peace at this difficult time

It's not a straightforward as that though. As I've seen this week, friends who are still "allowed" to meet up are cancelling plans.

Having one other person you can see occasionally to do "nothing" with isn't the same as keeping occupied with a busy social life.

And in the previous lockdown I wouldn't have been entitled to a support bubble, as I have adult DS at home.

OP posts:

Original poster

Peakedtoosoon · 19/12/2021 13:18

@ComDummings

But you can't break the rules on your own. If everything is closed and friends who have families etc at home are doing the right thing, who am I supposed to break them with?

OP posts:

batmanladybird · 19/12/2021 13:37

Hello op
I am so sorry to hear what a shitty time it has been for you

Winter2020 · 19/12/2021 14:04

"And in the previous lockdown I wouldn't have been entitled to a support bubble, as I have adult DS at home"

Single people were allowed a "support bubble" but everyone was allowed to access care and support if they needed it (and an adult DS might not be the right person for you to lean on/ he might be leaning on you.)

I think people are saying (I am) do what you gotta do to get you through. So yes running club might be cancelled and some socials and that is really hard on you as you wanted to keep busy, but keep your more low key social contact if you can. Cook or share a takeaway with friends and family when you can/spend an evening with them. As well as people cancelling events there will be others who still want to see others like you do. Particularly other single people. Do you know anyone from the running club you could arrange to keep running just with two or three of you?

Original poster

Peakedtoosoon · 19/12/2021 14:08

@Winter2020

"And in the previous lockdown I wouldn't have been entitled to a support bubble, as I have adult DS at home"

Yes, I'm already making a mental list of people who might be prepared to bend the rules a bit!

Life has changed so much for me this year though, many of our couple friends have faded away and my current active social life mostly comprises of people I don't know that well, so it's hard to know what would be "too much".

It even crossed my mind to offer one single man DS1's bed, which I imagine would scare the living daylights out of him

OP posts:

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