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Original poster

Don't understand this attitude

70 replies

bigbabs · 17/12/2021 08:19

Was having a chat with a colleague about Christmas plans and they said with a little smirk that they just weren't going to test before going to their family for Christmas even though several attending are older, vulnerable relatives.

I was a bit taken aback. Colleague got very defensive, said we can't live like this forever and that I need to 'give my head a wobble and stop being controlled.'

In this situation surely the only people you are cheating are your family. If you've put yourself at risk in the days or weeks before Christmas then make a conscious choice not to take a test just because the result may well be positive, you aren't be clever or rebellious. And if you do end up testing positive afterwards and giving it to an elderly relatives how do you square that with yourself morally?

Like everyone I am sick of the restrictions but when it comes to keeping people safe, especially my own family, I will try and do it even if that means missing out. Is she right or am I missing something?

OP posts:
ExConstance · 17/12/2021 11:59

My DS1 is home for Christmas. He told me he had done a lateral flow test before setting out and it made me feel very sad. He knows he can come home at any time and in any circumstances and I would rather he had just rocked up without testing. We are all triple jabbed and not vulnerable so just as likely to get it at Waitrose.

TinaYouFatLard · 17/12/2021 12:27

Some people feel that the obsession with testing is at the root of the problem. Others disagree. We are all entitled to our opinion. I for one will not partake in this continued destruction of our lives.

HesterShaw1 · 17/12/2021 12:28

Did they say "give your head a wobble" really?

Because that's not a phrase I have ever heard anywhere other than on MN.

Maybe they are a MNer.

Or maybe it didn't happen

Cherryblossoms85 · 17/12/2021 12:30

On the fence really. My parents were really angry when I postponed a visit in the summer as a result of being in contact with a case and not being able to get PCR results back in time. In some ways I think it should be up to the vulnerable person to agree whether they do or don't want LFTs to be taken. The important thing remains vaccination, not this endless testing. After all i'm not planning to test like this for the rest of my life, and covid will be with us for the rest of our lives.

HesterShaw1 · 17/12/2021 12:31

My mum used to get a chest infection/flu without fail around Christmas every year. A few times she has been very ill.

She would have been have been raging if we'd said "We're protecting you by not seeing you mum." Fair enough - she's a sentient being who can make her own mind up.

HailAdrian · 17/12/2021 12:34

@ConcernedAuntie sorry to hear that Flowers

I think avoiding people in general when we are ill with any virus is sensible. In the UK, we tend to crack on as normal, going to work unless we can't get out of bed. In fact, some people will say "I went to work with flu/d&v/various other illnesses" almost with pride.

Ultimately, no it's not difficult to test. I don't think that option will be available forever though.

Pootle40 · 17/12/2021 12:37

@BHX3000

Well, it depends. If the elderly relatives are aware they’re not testing, and they don’t mind, then I genuinely do not see the issue.

I’m not testing, neither is anyone I’m seeing this Christmas. We know we’re all doing the same.

Same
Siameasy · 17/12/2021 12:39

I’m not testing either and none of my family plan to. All of us are triple jabbed where available. I’ve also had Covid despite following the rules and being double jabbed at the time. This is our risk assessment and we are very happy with it

Thewiseoneincognito · 17/12/2021 12:43

The I don’t see the point of testing and I don’t test echo chamber strikes again I see.

Hi Hester and Pootle 👋🏼

2bazookas · 17/12/2021 13:00

Really?

My son is a frontline senior consultant in the NHS. He keeps a VERY close eye on local covid statistics.

As of this week he LFT tests himself and the GC every time before we meet.

RichTeaRichTea · 17/12/2021 13:08

What echo chamber? Lots of people with different opinions here.

I don’t tend to test for specific occasions/meet ups but I test at least twice weekly for work in any case. I also have a brother who has been CEV for decades and we are accustomed to changing plans to avoid passing on bugs to him at Christmas since well before covid.

PestoSugarPlumFairy · 17/12/2021 13:14

@Charles11

Everyone must keep testing. How else can we have these terrifying, scary big numbers?
Yep 👏

I don’t know anyone who is testing anymore. Seriously if you are jabbed you have done what was asked, stop worrying and start living.

gettingolderandgrumpy · 17/12/2021 13:15

My elderly relatives are out more than me anyway. I wouldn’t test either unless I felt unwell .

bigbluebus · 17/12/2021 13:25

I don't understand it either OP. I went out with friends last night. Neither of them are CV but because we were going to be indoors together for an evening we all tested beforehand. One of us had been at a large venue last weekend and the other had been out to a restaurant and 2 pubs. Whilst we aren't CV, 2 of the party have elderly parents whom they see regularly. One of the group's DH was also going out in a group of 6 - they all did LFTs before they went. It's no great hardship and whilst I know it's not 100% foolproof it does introduce an extra layer of protection.

And those who say you can catch it at the supermarket - I've no doubt you could but at the supermarket most people are now wearing masks, giving each other a bit of space and only interacting very briefly. That is not the same as family gatherings on households.

Snowcov · 17/12/2021 13:38

I do see your point but also.. . If these elderly relatives have been triple vaccinated, are they still to be shielded at all costs? Where does it end? What was the point of the vaccinations if everyone still acts as though they provide no protection.

Flaxmeadow · 17/12/2021 13:39

Fair enough but still, these elderly relatives can make up their own minds.

But they can also feel pressured or be confused

I know there wasn't much LF testing then but last Xmas there was a doctors diary in the papers (January). A woman, not that elderly, was dying of covid in ICU and had told the doctor that she had insisted to her family NOT to visit her on Xmas day. But they ignored her wishes and all turned up anyway, surprise surprise!!. Gave her covid

Flaxmeadow · 17/12/2021 13:43

...my elderly and confused relatives are saying to us ATM, just come on over, and they even say we can go in the house. But NO WAY, even after LFT are we going to get anywhere near them. We will probably deliver presents into the garden and even then, we are nervous about doing that

HailAdrian · 17/12/2021 13:47

@Flaxmeadow that's dreadful, I'd like to think most people wouldn't disrespect someone's wishes like that. I didn't see my mum last Christmas because she was unwell and worried about catching covid. I had a feeling it would be her last but she wasn't comfortable and I would never have put any pressure on her.

Flaxmeadow · 17/12/2021 13:55

HailAdrian

Yes it was a really upsetting account by the doctor, an anonymous doctors diary in the Mail (January 2021) . A very sad cautionary tale and not the only one of the kind

VikingOnTheFridge · 17/12/2021 14:11

@bigbabs

Was having a chat with a colleague about Christmas plans and they said with a little smirk that they just weren't going to test before going to their family for Christmas even though several attending are older, vulnerable relatives.

I was a bit taken aback. Colleague got very defensive, said we can't live like this forever and that I need to 'give my head a wobble and stop being controlled.'

In this situation surely the only people you are cheating are your family. If you've put yourself at risk in the days or weeks before Christmas then make a conscious choice not to take a test just because the result may well be positive, you aren't be clever or rebellious. And if you do end up testing positive afterwards and giving it to an elderly relatives how do you square that with yourself morally?

Like everyone I am sick of the restrictions but when it comes to keeping people safe, especially my own family, I will try and do it even if that means missing out. Is she right or am I missing something?

It's not your place to understand though.

For all you know, the vulnerable relatives may prioritise being able to have a family Christmas and specifically prefer no asymptomatic testing because they'd rather not know. It really, really isn't for you to decide you know better. You were all the way in the wrong.

MsMartini · 17/12/2021 14:23

The vaccines are highly effective but cannot do everything. If prevalence is high, the risk to vulnerable people even if boosted is much higher than when it is not. You are much more likely catch covid with prolonged indoor contact with people you are close to than a fleeting masked encounter in a supermarket, that is basic epidemiology of airborne disease. The facts are upsetting and inconvenient, but that doesn't make them untrue.

Lacedwithgrace · 17/12/2021 14:38

People are selfish and think that because they're healthy, others are too. Most of us realised years ago that vulnerable/disabled/ill people are treated like shit by healthy people

mustbetheseasonofthebitch · 17/12/2021 14:38

I don't understand that attitude either. Denial + entitlement + complacency + wilful ignorance + zero care for others' lives. Unfortunately that attitude is overflowing on this board.

frasersmummy · 17/12/2021 14:40

Every family is different , some families have had healthy loved ones drop dead suddenly at a young age and that gives you a very different perspective on social distancing , testing and having to isolate when you have no symptoms etc .

mustbetheseasonofthebitch · 17/12/2021 14:42

The little smirk is telling.