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Original poster

If you were planning to spend Christmas with vulnerable relatives, are you still going ahead?

75 replies

MyCatHatesPCRTests · 15/12/2021 21:01

Just that, really. We have a dilemma on our hands as we were due to spend Christmas with my family, staying with my DPs, one of whom is extremely vulnerable to Covid. They are both fully vaccinated and had boosters a while ago. We are both fully vaccinated and will be boosted by then but only recently so probably not fully effective. One school-aged child, one preschooler in a very small childcare setting. After tomorrow, we are both either WFH or on leave.

I am swinging between pulling DC1 out of school and us all doing LFTs before going up there on Christmas Eve, and thinking we should just postpone until New Year.

The CEV DP gets to call the shots, obviously, and is very twitchy about catching it from DC1 (rightly so as there has been at least one confirmed case in his class this week). They will be really upset if we don’t go, but at the same time they are understandably terrified of catching Covid and question how protected they are from the vaccine.

The distance is such that we have to stay with them and there is no way they’ll distance from the kids.

What are others doing in this kind of situation? Cancelling? Postponing? Daily LFTs and doing it anyway?

OP posts:
sadpapercourtesan · 15/12/2021 21:59

I'm worrying about this at the moment. My 81yo dad is supposed to be coming by train (5 hour journey) next week. His partner is 78 and much less frail, but still CV, she is spending Christmas with her son and then joining us on Boxing Day, then they are supposed to travel home by train together on NYE.

I'm not worried about them being here, as we can take precautions - it's the train journey that's freaking me out. Dad survived stage 4 cancer a few years ago and has a heart condition. I don't know what to do - he's been looking forward to seeing his grandchildren for months, and I miss him too, but that long train journey is looking more and more foolish as the days go by Sad

ElephantandGrasshopper · 15/12/2021 22:19

We'll be lft testing and then visiting our relatives (assuming we are negative). They want us to come, and feel that life should get back to normal now that we are all vaccinated. Last Christmas we decided to stay away, but this year it is different - we are all double or triple jabbed now, covid isn't going to go away, and my dad's health conditions mean he may not have many more Christmases to enjoy being with his family and grandchildren.

maddy68 · 15/12/2021 22:20

Testing before you visit is absolutely essential I think

SnarkyBag · 15/12/2021 22:24

Yes my grandparents are both in their 90’s with failing health. I’d be surprised if either were still with us next Christmas so they would prefer to spend time with their family while they can.

Booklover3 · 15/12/2021 22:29

It’s entirely their decision in my opinion. My DF is alone and coming to us for Christmas.

sofakingcool · 15/12/2021 22:34

Feeling a bit torn here, we have all recently (last 6 weeks) had Covid - two adults are double jabbed, 18 year old has had one, 13 year hasn't had any (all missed first, second and boosters due to isolating at that point Confused!)

We partly feel relieved that we hopefully have some antibodies, but the talk about Omicron being able to infect even with recent Covid, leaves us feeling vulnerable - esp as we're all missing boosters and jabs.

No particularly elderly people being visited on Christmas Day - my parents are healthy and early 60's, but due to see early 80's MIL on the 27th. I can see her cancelling anyway

screwcovid · 15/12/2021 22:34

@Signalbox

We’re still going to visit DH’s DPs (90) unless they tell us not to go. I think they’d be fed up if we cancelled as they’ve really been looking forward to it. There will be 9 of us in total including 2 teenagers still in education. We’ll obviously take lfts each day.
My parents are triple jabbed and won't allow us to cancel
chipshopElvis · 15/12/2021 22:59

We are pretty close to cancelling. Both kids have just had covid and will have been isolating and so safe but DH and I both work with lots of people so feel that we are risky, but it's all too sad.

SquigglePigs · 15/12/2021 23:00

Yes but we're massively minimising what we do in the run up. The only thing that really worries me is we're seeing PIL and SIL who is a teacher for two days before we see my parents (one is CEV and arguably the other should be!) but I can't say "I'm not seeing your family so I can see mine" so just got to LFT and hope really!

Suzi888 · 15/12/2021 23:03

Planning to, but not socialising beforehand and will PCR next week. The grandparents do not isolate though, they go to the pub regularly and my aunt and uncle have had covid. Should really make them PCR to be honest! Hmm

NinaProudman2022 · 15/12/2021 23:06

I am CEV and 80 odd year old MIL
has booked a weekend away this weekend with all her family.

I am double jabbed and boosted but still really stressing about it. Haven’t seen DH’s family apart from SIL for over 2 years and her BF who she lives with tested positive for covid this week. He isn’t going to go but she is. She said her PCR is negative as are her LFT’s. She has said she will do LFT’s every day. I don’t want to go and it terrifies me but as its one of my teens big birthdays during the weekend feel I have to go and try and get over myself and my worries but still terrified and hyperventilating most of today.

reesewithoutaspoon · 15/12/2021 23:13

Supposed to have family coming from 3 different parts of the world. all those flying will be pcr tested before leaving and then split over 3 households who are hosting. we have all been at least double jabbed. For the past week we,ve all been avoiding crowded places, ordering online shopping etc as much as we can, avoiding public transport and masking up if we have to go out. Basically doing as much as we can to protect ourselves so xmas day can still go ahead. plan is to hunker down and LFT before we all meet up. Not much more we can do.

immersivereader · 15/12/2021 23:16

Tough one. Fil is 79 and we're waiting for him to say he's isolating. Makes sense really

🤔

Hollyhead · 15/12/2021 23:23

We’re still seeing my 83 year old relative for a meal - she could literally die anytime of anything… we’ll obviously take some mitigations, but life is short. I lost 3 people during lockdowns not from covid, it’s given me an alternative perspective.

slaybell · 15/12/2021 23:25

Absolutely bloody yes!

My elderly grandparents (late eighties) spent Christmas alone last year with no food in as the restrictions came in so last minute. They couldn't join a 'bubble' as there are two of them. They ended up having microwave meals for their Christmas dinner. They were supposed to come up to us but we live 100 miles away, so we couldn't even drop them some food.

They are triple jabbed and more than happy to spend Christmas with family, and fully aware of the risks and have made that choice themselves , which they are well within their rights to. Realistically, how many Christmases do they have left? I will not let them spend another like last year.

LFTs will be taken and backup plans in case of positive tests but they will not be alone again.

alexdgr8 · 15/12/2021 23:25

no, don't do it.
think of the risk/benfit ratio.
once they are gone, they are gone.
if they are still around there will be other chances, outdoors, better weather, plenty fresh air.
sorry to be blunt. but that's how i see it.
i'd give anything to still have my parents around. wouldn't risk anything.
good lucck.

Original poster
MyCatHatesPCRTests · 16/12/2021 00:26

Thank you - looks like we’re not alone in having the range of discussions. I just don’t know what to do. On the one hand, I couldn’t forgive myself if we infected them. On the other hand, we could isolate fairly well bar walks in fresh air and the odd dive into a shop for nearly a week if we pull DC1 out of school. But is 7 days long enough?

I just feel we should probably postpone to New Year as we can avoid most indoor mixing bar food shopping until then. And we would obviously test beforehand. But the kids are little and the older one is a true believer in Father Christmas and the little one is just aware that something interesting is going on and it’s so magical watching them get excited about everything. My DPs will be devastated to miss out on that. And in many ways we’re on borrowed time with the CEV DP so we can’t say “next Christmas” in the way we might if it was my DSis, for example.

I am really sick of Covid.

OP posts:
Mumwithbaggage · 16/12/2021 00:40

My dad's 93 and I teach in a primary school (well, for 2 more days...). I absolutely know dad doesn't want to spend another Christmas all alone with a delivery and distanced chat from ds. It's already bad enough dad hasn't seen his 95 yo wife for nearly 2 years as she is with family in France and dh went to get dad athis request the week before lockdown. Just like WW1, we thought it would be over in weeks.

I honestly think dad would rather take the risk than be on his own again. We'll all do LFTs(I do them daily anyway) and keep the windows open.

sofakingcool · 16/12/2021 08:48

@alexdgr8

no, don't do it. think of the risk/benfit ratio. once they are gone, they are gone. if they are still around there will be other chances, outdoors, better weather, plenty fresh air. sorry to be blunt. but that's how i see it. i'd give anything to still have my parents around. wouldn't risk anything. good lucck.
It's difficult though. We didn't see my in laws last Christmas - not even a doorstep hello - desperately trying to protect them.

3rd Jan FIL gets taken into hospital, we lose him a month later.

Lots of wishing we'd even just gone to say hello. A wasted final Christmas to try and protect them

NMC2022 · 16/12/2021 08:57

I'm CEV and have just cancelled my Christmas meal with my parents Sad
Dad spent a lot of time trying to convince me it was safe but a restaurant with little ventilation, spacing, crowded and not sure if I had antibodies means I'm now spending it alone with takeaway. Again!

mindutopia · 16/12/2021 09:00

Yes, but we have left the choice up to them. We have just had COVID (dh and 1 dc, I've stayed negative as has other dc despite all of us being cooped up in the lounge and kitchen together for 2 weeks now). So very little risk really at that point (we are seeing MIL on Boxing Day, her partner is also CEV but he isn't coming as we don't get along). But she is the one who would like to visit and we are happy to have her. She is NHS staff so had her booster awhile ago and is very careful anyway.

Artichokeleaves · 16/12/2021 09:05

We are the vulnerable relatives unfortunately. I'd prefer to not risk it, the kids involved won't mind and would rather be left in peace to play with toys anyway than deal with a family gathering, but mixing them full of their germs and their range of contacts with someone elderly with COPD is a really bad idea. However I know if I say that, I'll be the bad guy and there'll be a lot of emotional pressure to ignore it and carry on (and suck up the consequences if it all goes wrong.)

MerryMarigold · 16/12/2021 09:07

It's actually nearly a week from end of school to Christmas so I would just stay in for that week, don't let DC go to friends etc and do LFTs before you go. Incubation is very unlikely to be more than that amount of time.

middleager · 16/12/2021 09:17

My 'vulnerable' relatives are the ones pushing to see us and go out for meals.

FIL in his mid 80s and MIL late 70s are very sociable and my mother, 75, continues to party, go to pubs, clubs, so while their age makes them technically vulnerable, they are actually more risk averse than most!

middleager · 16/12/2021 09:18

Sorry, meant we are more risk averse than them!