Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Covid

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Original poster

Do I invite anti vaxer in laws for Xmas!?

53 replies

GeorgiaS72 · 08/12/2021 08:08

Granted, Boris might cancel Xmas after we've bought everything we need, but we have to plan anyway, as much for the kids and sanity.

My other half is insisting on his anti vaxer mum coming, because she missed out last year. She's 70 plus and really should know better. One of our kids wants her here, the other doesn't want to feel guilty if they unknowingly gave it to and she died.

To top it all, she still thinks everything would have been better if Corbyn was PM or even better his anti vax brother. I'm at my wits end, I can't win as someone will be put out, we've tried for a year now in convincing her to be jabbed, it's a lost cause.

If it wasn't near impossible I'd fly abroad for Xmas!
Thanks for listening, I know there's no clear solution. G

OP posts:
ANameChangeAgain · 08/12/2021 08:43

Unless there is a backstory of one of you being vulnerable, then invite her. You'll be vaccinated. Tell the children they won't make her ill, she has made the choice not to protect herself.

CottonSock · 08/12/2021 08:44

I'd expect her to do a covid test to prevent risk of infecting me (and family)! Not the other way round

StCharlotte · 08/12/2021 08:45

If I felt that strongly, I would have invited her a while back on the basis that she gets a vaccine. Then it's up to her. But It's a bit late now.

ginslinger · 08/12/2021 08:45

I think everyone, including her, does lateral flows and it's agreed that there is an embargo on the covid/vax conversation

RedQueen81 · 08/12/2021 09:01

She might be bonkers on the Covid front but she is your husband's mother - you fell in love with this man, had children ect. for his qualities so she must have done a good job in raising him.

I would have her over. To avoid anti - vaccine talk you can have a couple of things up your sleeve to change topic and distract e.g. children can show her what they learned, other things you guys have done this year, nice movies, plans for the future etc. I'd ask your husband to try to manage her discreetly if she becomes really overbearing. Christmas is just one day and family is important.

If your child is worried about passing Covid to granny, there are LFTs and seems that the child is old enough to understand personal choice in this situation, as others already suggested.

Good luck, it can be a lovely day regardless of her views. Just tune out if needed, to reduce your own stress.

CrunchyCarrot · 08/12/2021 09:21

I would say it depends on how much all of you can stay away from the topic of Covid and vaccines! If you can rule it out, there's no reason not to invite her over. Christmas should be about good will. As long as you decide you are absolutely NOT going to be dragged into any discussions about conspiracy theories, and change the subject if they're brought up, you should be OK.

Flaxmeadow · 08/12/2021 09:38

Lunificent
A Corbynite antivaxxer! I didn’t realise that was a thing, sounds like a contradiction

All the anti vaxxers i know, or know of, are left wing. I don't think it's as much a politcal divide thing here in Europe like it is in America. Here it seems to be people from all political backgrounds

OP, I wouldn't invite her because she is 70 and as your son had said, the risk, especially now with Omicron, is too high of passing it on, her becoming infected and possibly sriously ill or worse. There were cases last Christmas of this happening. One where a woman told her family she didn't want to see them on Christmas day, they turned up anyway and infected her. She became very seriously ill. I believe she died in ICU a couple of weeks after she caught it

For the sake of a dinner, it isn't worth the risk, especially with the elderly, Omicron and being unvaccinated

Remmy123 · 08/12/2021 09:53

Why wouldn't you invite her? You sound like an awful person actually I hope she doesn't come.

CaliforniaDrumming · 08/12/2021 10:07

@Remmy123

Why wouldn't you invite her? You sound like an awful person actually I hope she doesn't come.
Because she might die? As I said, PCRs for everybody seems like the solution. NOT LFTs.
Wakemeuuuup · 08/12/2021 10:17

I'd invite her but insist on a veto on covid/vaccine talk.

Please explain to your son that even if he had xovid and his GM caught covid there is no way of knowing for sure that she got it off him and that even if she did, she knew the risk she was taking. It's not up to the rest of you to protect her from her own actions and consequences.

In this case I wouldn't test before she comes. Would she test to protect you?. I very much doubt it

bumbleymummy · 08/12/2021 10:17

Surely it’s her choice if she wants to come to you? She’s the one at most risk.

Wakemeuuuup · 08/12/2021 10:17

Covid not xovid

Notdoingthis · 08/12/2021 10:18

Of course you should invite her. She is family and entitled to her own views.

VikingOnTheFridge · 08/12/2021 10:20

If she does get covid, unless she never goes anywhere and your house is the only place she could've contracted it, you won't know who gave it to her. So I wouldn't not invite her on that basis. By all means ban any covid talk though.

bumbleymummy · 08/12/2021 10:20

@Flaxmeadow the data so far on omicron is showing that it milder. We’ll know more in 3 weeks but so far it looks less worrying which is good news!

WineGetsMeThroughIt · 08/12/2021 10:20

Is she really an "anti-vax'er" or has she just chosen not to have the vaccine? Either way she's aware of the risks of not being vaccinated, so if she's comfortable coming, then you should be comfortable having her there provided she doesn't push her views about the vaccine on everyone else there. Both vaccinated and un-vaccinated people can pass and catch covid. So if you've all had your vaccines you should be covered as much as you can be really.

I would never think if excluding someone because they've made a choice about their body. If you were anti-abortion and your best friend happened to have had one would you stop being friends with them?

Viviennemary · 08/12/2021 10:22

No I wouldn't have her in the house.

nether · 08/12/2021 10:25

I wouldn't, but we have a critically vulnerable person in the household (one of the 500,000 who had a third primary)

Jenala · 08/12/2021 10:27

@WineGetsMeThroughIt

Is she really an "anti-vax'er" or has she just chosen not to have the vaccine? Either way she's aware of the risks of not being vaccinated, so if she's comfortable coming, then you should be comfortable having her there provided she doesn't push her views about the vaccine on everyone else there. Both vaccinated and un-vaccinated people can pass and catch covid. So if you've all had your vaccines you should be covered as much as you can be really.

I would never think if excluding someone because they've made a choice about their body. If you were anti-abortion and your best friend happened to have had one would you stop being friends with them?

This
WanderingFruitWonderer · 08/12/2021 10:38

I'd invite her. As PPs have said, you could all test, her included. Perfect solution. In fact I don't think it'd be a bad idea for everyone to test before Christmas get togethers, including the fully vaccinated, as we all know it can be transmitted still.
I'm going to test before meeting up with anyone over Christmas.
Merry Christmas OP, and hope you all have a wonderful time Xmas Smile

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 08/12/2021 10:48

You could meet her at the front door with an LFT and let her in when/if the result is negative.... Grin
It's on her own head but I would via your husband a) tell her that her grandson is now worried about being around her and b) there is to be no discussion about vaccination. You're respecting her decision and inviting her at her own risk but no further debate.

Bexxe · 08/12/2021 10:53

why on earth does it matter to you if she is un-vaccinated?

Shes a 70 year old woman, and can make her own decisions.

Do you check whether the rest of the family members invited are up to date with there MMR vaccinations?

Honestly, just ridiculous. You cannot control what other people do so to not invite a 70 year old women for Christmas because she has a different opinion is mind boggling to me.

Bexxe · 08/12/2021 10:55

@StCharlotte

If I felt that strongly, I would have invited her a while back on the basis that she gets a vaccine. Then it's up to her. But It's a bit late now.
how on earth is that fair?

'you can only be included on Christmas with your family if you do what i feel is best for everyone, i dont care of your personal opinion and if you disagree you can spend christmas alone'

what on earth is wrong with people

Kitkat151 · 08/12/2021 10:57

@Jacaranda75

YABU things would be better under Corbyn. YANBU I would not invite an unvaccinated anti-vaxxer into my house.
So if your close family members were unvaccinated they would not be welcome in your home?🙄
trumpisagit · 08/12/2021 10:58

It is her risk, and her decision. Also you never know if it might be her last Christmas, so I would invite her.