Support Thread for those with a family members in intensive care?

[QueenMabby]

My brother is in intensive care, unconscious and on a ventilator. Despite having had three covid jabs he has zero antibodies (immunosuppressed). It’s devastating. Is anyone else in a similar boat and fancy a support thread?

Sorry. These title doesn’t really make sense!

Thread NOT these.
I hate that there’s no edit button.

I don’t have anyone currently in ICU but my husband was in intensive care for a few months at the start this year (no jabs available at the time). It is incredibly difficult as a family as you have to wait for the virus to take its course.

What I can say is that the doctors and nurses who work in ICU are beyond incredible. As visiting is restricted they wanted a named contact to call for updates. And that named contact can call anytime night or day. For our family I was the named contact and I did sometimes get comfort from knowing there was relatively little change.

Ventilation for covid is unlike other illnesses as there appears to be relatively little improvements for some time. My husband was ventilated for about three months but he was moved to a tracheotomy as he got ‘stuck’ on the ventilator and stopped making improvements beyond 65% support. The hospital eventually lifted the sedation and put a tracheostomy in place which did eventually mean all support did reduce.

It takes a long time but I’m hoping that there are some more treatments to aid the current patients. Also we had massive issues with kidney function and clots but the clotting issue didn’t arise until about a month after he was sedated. I hope your brother won’t experience these problems.

Practical terms - get the nominated family member established ASAP.
If you can rely on each other as a family then do so. Does your brother have a partner or any children? How are your parents holding up?

What I will say is, for us it was a long, drawn out experience and a very dark period of time. I needed support due to the relentlessness of the situation. There would be bad days, good days and days with no progress at all. Get food sorted - easy ready meals/takeaway etc. Most people will offer help and support. Please take it.

And finally I send you a very big hug, it is immensely stressful and painful. I hope your brother starts to make improvements soon and my thoughts are with you

Thank you @Wardrobes123 for taking time to post such a kind and useful response. I do hope your husband is well and home with you now (you don’t say).
My brother was sedated on ventilation but suddenly started to struggle with his breathing and his potassium was very high so there was a risk of cardiac arrest hence the need to put him fully under so he could be “aggressively” treated. Fortunately the high potassium doesn’t seem to be caused by kidney problems - he has a transplant but it is holding up well so far.
His lungs are also leaking air into the spaces around his heart and they are having to keep on top of all the secretions which is a problem.
Is a very complex situation. My parents are the named contact for ICU (my brother is single - no other family) and having to wait for the daily call from them with the update is like a sword of Damocles.
I just feel so helpless as there is nothing I can do. I know many others have been/are in this situation but it’s so hard.

A friend of ours was in ICU last year. He was in hospital for a kidney transplant in February when covid hit and whilst recovering from op caught covid. He was in a very bad way and family got several phone calls to say he wouldn’t make it, but he pulled through. It did take over 3 months and this obviously was before vaccines and the advances they have now in treatment.

Thank you @Mindymomo. I’m glad your friend is OK.

Sending you healing thoughts.. And to your brother. Is the immunoglobulin available?

Do you mean the monoclonal antibody treatment? I know he’s had one lot but not sure if it’s a one or done or an ongoing thing.

Hi @QueenMabby. I’m not in your situation but I did want to offer a handhold

So often in these circumstances the most we can do is stand as a witness. It’s a really impotent, anxious time, but you’re a credit to your parents and brother that you care so deeply and are on watch. Don’t underestimate the importance of being someone who loves him.

Thank you so much @Cornettoninja what a lovely sentiment. It means a lot. Xx

@QueenMabby I’m so sorry I should have said DH is home and mostly recovered!

I would just say this - tell your parents that they don’t need to have their strict timed phone call. After a month I asked the hospital to stop phoning at the same time as it was too distressing - sword of Damocles sums it up very well. I also know it sounds cruel not to call, but sometimes it does help.

What support do you have OP? What is your brother like? Do you want to tell us about him?

Thank you @Wardrobes123. Glad your dh is on the mend. The hospital don’t call us - we call them. M&D call them at the same time every day - think the routine stops them calling all the time!
My db is lovely. A complicated character and v different to me. He’s had a shit time with his health over the last 10 years and this is definitely the cherry on top. He’s only 43!
He had a positive day yesterday and O2 down to 35% from 65% which is good but it seems to swing wildly from one day to the next and that’s really tricky to handle mentally and emotionally.
I’m doing OK. My dh is very steady which helps and I have a wonderful bff who is my rock and who I can call day or night.

A close relative (young) became very unwell with covid and was prepared for ICU and then suddenly responded to treatment (trial drug) and turned a corner. So not quite the same but I can empathise with the awful feeling of dread and anticipation waiting for the daily update especially when they were not responding to treatment. I can only say try and stay busy and distracted and keep as positive as possible. The treatments are so much better than a year ago and his ages is on his side. My relative has organ damage but is improving more than anyone dared hope and is back to work.

My heart goes out to you, your brother sounds lovely. Take care.